I know I haven't been on this site in such a long time, and I've only ever made the one blog post before I think, but I just needed a place to let everything out.
My fiance and I have been living together in my country since the end of october last year when he arrived on a work and holiday visa. He's entitled to stay until the end of october this year when he will be leaving again. Him visiting was a really important move for us since he hadn't visited me since 2008, and I needed the reassurance after a messy last visit to him. So here we are, most of the way through the visit. He hasn't been able to find work so we're really struggling with money, not really his fault, I think it's the visa limitations. I feel like I pull most of the weight around the place house-work wise. But that's not even the problem either.
The problem is that I feel like we have no idea where we're going, we have barely any money, neither of us seems willing to give in on moving away from our home country, and so any time I try to bring it up to talk about, it's a short conversation that ultimately goes nowhere - as much my fault as it is his. It's hard to deal with, it's stressful and ultimately depressing not knowing what we're doing. I have to have an answer before he leaves, because without that answer, I can't deal with the separation. Especially since it's a separation that will be ultimately determined in length by our ability to save money and apply for visas. And I can't deal with that. We've been together over seven years since we first met and I'm just so tired of having no certain future. There's things I want that I can't have in a disjointed relationship like this. I know I want to be with him, but I don't know how much longer I can wait for a permanent solution. It hurts and is ultimately very stressful.
One other thing that I'm worried about, is that since we've moved out (though it's settled down a bit now) I find I get really grumpy with him really easily. I know I have a short fuse when something really upsets me, but it usually takes a hell of a lot to do so. Yet I've found myself screaming and yelling and bawling my eyes out over the smallest things. I know I've had a lot of other stress-related issues going on as well, but I feel like it's not right. I even saw the doctor because at one point I was so stressed that my heartbeat was irregular. Now, I know some of what stressed me out has mostly been worked through, since it was residual damage from my last visit to him, but from time to time I still get angry at him very easily and I feel like I can't control it. I don't really understand because no one else makes me this angry and frustrated. And I'm confused as to whether it's because I'm just insane, whether it's because the things he does mean more to me because I'm closer to him, or whether it's because somewhere in my head I worry about whether we should be continuing on.
I just don't know how to handle our situation anymore.
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BlueCat started a blog post Confused and tiredConfused and tired
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My SO came to OZ in May 2012 on a WHV, and he also had trouble finding work. He, too, barely did anything around the house whilst I worked 12 hour days. This stressed me out to no end. I'd get angry over the tiniest things. It was mostly because I felt like he was leaving everything up to me when we were supposed to be a team. I had to talk to my SO like 5 times and it wasn't until maybe 2 months before his visa expired that it clicked and he began to cook me dinner and pick up after himself.
Its normal to be stressed out under that kind of pressure. I suggest just to keep talking to him - when he does something that makes you want to strangle him, point it out without going overboard. Just make him aware of what he is/isn't doing without accusing.
Anyway, you have to have that talk about who is going to move and make a decision - that is if you can't live with the distance. The visa process will mean more time apart (currently going through this now), but you'll be together in the end. I know its daunting, but start weighing up the pros and cons for both of you. Is there any particular reason why either of you can't move?