It was an LDR and we originally met online, similar to many experiences people have had here. We had big dreams, big plans, and while our "puppy love" made fun-house mirrors of our futures, they never would have matched up. I couldn't see it at the time, but we were essentially playing house: saying and doing what we believed a couple madly in love, though separated by 1800 miles, would say and do. I sent the perfume-laced letters (daily), he mailed the framed pictures, we bought the plane tickets. We said "I love you" (almost immediately, I admit), had names of endearment used in every text message or phone call, play-argued about who was cuter.
He was a few years older and his sister was my age, so we built a friendship and, only half jokingly, planned on being each other's bridesmaids. His mother adored me and we had much in common - I still firmly believe that she will be the greatest mother-in-law a girl could ask for. We sent each other messages of support or general gossip, swapped clothing ideas and recipes. The rest of his family accepted me whole-heartedly, too. They expected, even encouraged, wedding bells and my moving cross-country within the near future. It was wonderful, and, from the outside, the whole operation looked gingerbread-house perfect.
It was anything but perfect, of course. We were highly dysfunctional. I had become codependent and scared of the outside world. At some point, a flip was switched that kicked off a marathon of fighting. After the better part of a year, I realized that being torn to shreds by the person saying they loved me - crying for hours each night, trying to appease him - attempting to explain to my friends and family why I never visited or spoke to them (he banned me from it) - none of it was anywhere near "right." So, finally, I left him, and my ties to everyone related to him, behind.
I kept a single letter, a single picture, and a single gift. I still have his address memorized (writing it hundreds of times will do that do you), but I will never use it again, if it's even current. Our anniversary would have been this coming Saturday...
Obviously, with an ending such as that, I can't say I MISS any part of the relationship. However, I am thankful: I appreciate a lot more. Plus, it has made THIS long (though short in comparison) distance relationship infinitely easier. For the first time, I am IN love. I am in an adult relationship. (Okay, I bought stickers for my guy the other day, but that silliness aside...) My SO is supportive, and loving, and understanding; he lets me do my own thing and encourages me to try whatever it is I have my eye on. He became my best friend before we brought it further, rather than choosing me as a "suitable candidate for a wife." We want the same things in the future. We have similar views and values. I miss him more than anything, more than I ever missed the man I saw (in person) less frequently. We took things slowly and now, I can honestly say, I am the happiest I have been in my life.
I am happy I stumbled upon the ex and spent some time visiting those memories - even the still-tender, angry ones. I think sometimes we need reminders of how fortunate we are, or how lucky we are that we are where we find ourselves: be it by fate, happy accidents, or a long series of mistakes, wrong turns, and an empty gas tank that brought us here.
I hope you all have had wonderful weekends. I haven't spoken to my SO much, so now, I think I will call him and tell him how wonderful he is. Then I will speak to my mother, perhaps, and a friend or two...I'm all verklempt.
