Like some other women, I have "The Box" - in it are a few pieces of remembrance from relationships past. Mine is primarily filled with things from The Ex's era, my past LDR love, where things turned very sour.

Today, I decided to look through the Box. A couple things, dog tags from my first crush, for example, are in there and don't make me feel negatively. (plus those have an SS# on them so I'm afraid to get rid of them.) But then I started pulling out things related to the Ex. And I hate to say it, I missed him. Or the idea of him, in reality, and his wonderful family. I miss how in love I [thought] felt...puppy dog love. Constant-contact love. Controlling, emotionally abusive love. When I remember that part, I realize it was, obviously, not all that I wished and even pretended it were.

I made a stupid decision, though. I sent him a text. I relatively long one...not just a "hey," but one that explained I had been thinking about his family and perhaps he would reply to me?

I'm cringing just writing it out - I feel as if I've committed a cardinal sin or something. (I suppose I could have called him, but I guess I wasn't feeling THAT ballsy.)

I love the relationship I am in now. It's so much healthier, and my boyfriend is wonderful. I do love him, very much. But I'm also allowed to talk to my own family and friends, and do my own thing, and not have to fight on a daily basis. His family has been so welcoming to me... It isn't like I was reaching out to the Ex because I am lacking anything... UGH.