I've been home for a little over a week now. I almost didn't. I was there standing in front of the security line looking back at my boyfriend and I almost didn't go.

It's been really hard on both of us but I'm trying really to get a job again to start earning that money back up. He has to wait a bit longer due to some circumstances but it should get there.

After months and months of being tired most of the time and noticing a drop in my weight (i've always been slim) i finally went to the doctor today.

I've been ordered in for blood test to make sure I don't have any problems and I have to speak to a dietitian. One more thing that the doctor asked me to was to take a pregnancy test. Now I'm on the pill and my particular one is making my periods irregular, I had one while I was on my trip after my heat exhaustion incident where i threw up. Bought and took a test today and even though I was 90% sure that the result was going to be negative I feel a little upset that the results showed as negative and it was a really strong negative.

It's totally impractical and such a wrong time but a part of me wanted it to be positive. Is that weird? Should I be feeling sad when we're in different countries on different continents and neither of us have a job?

Either way I do but that's life. I have to carry on, hopefully my blood test don't come back with anything wrong and hopefully I manage to get a job soon. Something nice needs to happen since I've come home.