I know it's only September, but man, America starts with the marketing early (and for Halloween, I don't mind it!). Indisputably, it's my favourite time of the year. I love it all....except one thing, and goddamn it if it doesn't ruin everything sometimes. I hate how unfairly gendered it gets. My SO is also a superfan of everything Halloween,but he definitely experiences it differently and I wish I had it the same way. I sometimes feel like I'm such a goddamn gruuump. Other times, I feel like, fuck it, I'm exactly as angry as a person should be.

He loves stopping by all the pop-up stores to look around. I stay out of the costume section because it's mildly infuriating. If I accidentally wander into them, well, I get mad and I spend the rest of the time convincing myself that Halloween isn't trying to exclude me. I did the hyper-sexualized, store-bought look one year because, at 18, it felt like a young woman's rite of passage. I did look good...but that was it. I was cold as shit and any guy who spoke to me made me feel something between uncomfortable and unsafe. I'm not saying these costumes shouldn't exist, but I would say it's not smart to ignore the huge discrepancy between genders. I've made all my costumes since that one year and it's crazy fun and I get to actually feel like a new character, and not be concerned with looking fit for consumption. It seems like consumption-ready is the "costume" women have to wear all the time, so a complete break from that is actually really freeing for me, whereas playing into it just makes me feel like meat. But yeah, YMMV. The point is, my SO just walks in and gets to be all "woah! look at all the fun stuff!" and I'm brooding away, trying to sort out these annoying, conflicting thoughts and not rain on his parade.

Another thing we both love is the whole Halloween theme park experience. I love being scared shitless and screaming really loud is fun. At Universal studios last year, I had a blast....except for a couple moments that really shat all over the fun. Firstly, there was the From Dusk till Dawn themed maze. Basically, the one maze where it's mostly about scantily-clad women in a strip club and not really at all scary. I'm an idiot and didn't realize what I was signing up for, so I was just sort of ready to cry at the end of it. The scare actor at the entrance turned to my SO's brothers and said "Lots of nasty ho's and sluts inside! Come on in!!". First room featured a woman in a tiny bikini, parading around with a snake on her shoulders, because?? Secondly, there was a few locations in the park were there were just women dancing in cages and men standing around gawking. No real theme, just here, enjoy some nearly naked chicks on us. Yup, thanks Universal execs for making me feel like Halloween is, yet again, not meant for me. Knott's Scary Farm was straight up horror-filled, no sexist bullshit whatsoever, and I'm stoked to be going back this year.

I could go on forever, but I'm just fed up thinking about it. There's a lot of fun to be had, but I'm sick of navigating all the shit Halloween comes with. Before seeing a horror movie, I tend to check IMDB's parental advisory, just to get an idea if the movie relies on the shitty tropes I'm sick of dealing with. You know, like the unnecessary shots of nearly naked/naked women for no real point, female sexuality as "fearsome", rape as an edgy plot device, etc. I do feel it's been getting better, movie-wise, though (The Babadook and Housebound on Netflix right now were both great) and even Hollywood is coming around to feminism slowly.

I feel like I have a huuuge stick up my ass sometimes, but life is way better just plain avoiding this stuff and directing my time/money the right direction. I miss being a kid and being oblivious to it all. No one is forcing me to see shitty movies or buy costumes. I'm not mad at women who dress up like Sexy Princess Elsa or Sexy Candycorn or whatever, but I'm mad at the forces-that-be that make it feel like it *has* to be that way. The lack of options is stupid and sets a shitty example for the increasingly awesome girls and boys growing up right now.

Anyone else experience Halloween completely differently? I'd love to hear it and get a break from my dark inner monologue haha.