On Easter day, the SO, his son (he's 3), and I went up to the family vacation home to spend time with his family. It was a really good day and his son was in a fantastic mood, as he always is when he's around the other kids. Now, up until this point, I haven't really been alone with the kid. He hasn't been that comfortable with me and I'm not about to push it. Plus, my SO doesn't get that much time with him as is, so he's just not had that much time around me in general.
Backing up a little, Saturday was a no good, very bad day. I won't get into too much detail here but basically it was a very rough day for my SO regarding his son and it was very hard for me to see how upset he was. And while he won't admit it, I know that I have not been making things any easier. So I decided that either I need to get my shit together and work at my relationship with this kid, or leave. I can't just sit here and watch my SO's relationship with his child buckle and feel like it is even remotely my fault.
Back to Sunday. Since the boy was in such a good mood, he asked me if I would play ping pong with him in the garage. Everyone else was inside, cleaning up after dinner. Remembering my resolution, I said sure. So out to the ping pong table we went. It was fun. It was basically him hitting the ball and me chasing it down, then tossing it to him and him chasing it. Good times, I was happy. THEN. I hit the ball back to him, and it went over his head. Suddenly the (remember) three year old yells "SHIT!" I said, "what did you say?" And he says "I said shit! shit shit shit!" I told him that word was not OK with his dad, and that makes it not OK with me. He tells me it is OK. He also says he says it at kinder all the time. Then, and this is the worst part, he says "*insert mom's boyfriend's name here* says it." My heart plummeted. He talks about this guy all the time and I know it crushes my SO. I know he feels like he's being replaced. And now he's picking up bad habits from him? Not cool. My SO and I always censor ourselves around him, I would expect that most adults would so this is frustrating. Any way, I march him inside and tell him we're going to ask his father if this is indeed an acceptable word to use. I tell him to wait in the hall while I get his dad. Does he?? Nooooooooo. He runs into the crowded area where the entire family is and yells, "I SAID SHIT!!!" and all eyes turn to me. I'm mortified. The kid spends ten minutes with me and comes back cussing. Geez. I quickly explained and Luke dragged him off and gave it to him. He then came and apologized to me for lying. It actually went OK with the discipline which it normally doesn't. So that was a relief. And everyone got a laugh out of it. I'm still embarrassed though. That would happen the very first time I'm alone with him!
I didn't tell my SO about the boyfriend part of it. I probably should have but I just couldn't. It was such a good day and I didn't want to see that pain in his eyes again. It was awful. And realistically, I know that a one time incident doesn't really warrant a conversation with the ex. He may have let it slip once and it just stuck with the kid. If it happens again though, I will say something.
All in all, I'm feeling better about the situation now. My SO went out to do yard work yesterday while me and the boy stayed inside and played Legos. And there was no cussing to be had. So whew.
I'm sure things will get easier with time.