I haven't blogged about my life in awhile. I've tried a few times but lost interest with myself, so figured other people would too. But that's OK because I'm super bored today and just feel like writing.

On my cousin: I'm feeling better about things now. It's been 2 weeks since he passed so time is starting to have its numbing effect. I hope his immediate family can find a little bit of peace soon, as they're obviously still really struggling.

On my trip home: I got back from California 2 months ago! Wow. I feel like time has been crawling since then, but really I don't know where two months has gone. I miss everyone quite a bit and find myself trying to plan our trip this year. But that's an awful lot of money and I simply can't ask Luke to spend anymore right now. I did the math of the "big expenses" for the last 20 months (since our first visit) and WOW. Thousands upon thousands of dollars spent on us being together. Of course, we both believe it's been worth every penny but it still makes me cringe. Mostly because the vast majority of it wasn't mine. More on our latest expense later. So any way, I'm really hoping we get out there this year but right now we can't even think about it. It's just too much. Plus he's taking two weeks off work when the baby comes, on top of all the time he's missed for my doctor's appointments. So best to not push his luck with that. But there's things that keep popping up back home that make it so hard to be away. I *know* this is what I signed up for, but it's hard. My dad has had an aneurysm for the last few years. They've been monitoring it closely, telling him that "when it gets too large, they'll operate." To start with, that makes NO sense to me. It's not an 'if' situation, it's a 'when.' So why not operate when it's smaller and lower the risk of rupture? I swear, the doctors at that place irk the hell out of me. Well any way, it's sufficiently large now, so they'll be operating soon. It's a high risk operation so there's every chance something could go incredibly wrong and I won't be there. I have to call him today to see if it's been scheduled yet. I'm really dreading him being operated on.

But on a happier reason for why I wish I could visit home: my best friend is pregnant! She's due in August and I sooooo want to be there for her either during pregnancy or after the baby is born. She's really hoping I can attend her baby shower, but I honestly doubt that will happen. Which makes me sad because she did such an amazing job hosting mine. But I'm super happy our kids will only be 6 months apart

On the baby: I'm due in 18 days! Eeek! I'm so relieved I've made it to (early) term. I had no reason to believe I would go into preterm labor or anything, but it was always at the back of my head. We've got everything ready for her arrival, and are SO ready to meet her. I know I'm going to miss being pregnant, but right now I just want to see her and hold her and meet this little girl we've made. Plus, I hurt. I'm definitely in the "absolutely everything is uncomfortable" part of pregnancy. Even (TMI if you don't like hearing about this stuff) sex. Which is such a bummer because we don't have long left to indulge before the 6 week ban after she arrives. But there's very few things that feel good at this point. And even if they feel good, I look like a walrus so that's what I'm concentrating on the entire time. I've turned the corner where I no longer feel like a beautiful pregnant woman, I feel giant. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm hideous or anything-just far from sexy. I've developed stretch marks this past week, it's too hard to shave for me to be consistent with it, and I'm just bleh in general. It's also hard to feel appealing when you can't even get off the couch without a grunt and a heave But I'll refrain from complaining further, because I still wouldn't change it for anything.

On Australia: We applied for our partner visa two days ago! And today is my first official day on the bridging visa.I've lived here over a year now. That in and of itself is hard to believe. Let me tell you-waiting until the end of one visa to apply for the next is nerve wracking as hell. But we made that decision so we wouldn't be forced into marriage and lucky for us it worked out. We turned it in by hand and were told I'd get an email that day or the next with the acknowledgement letter. I got it that day and was super impressed they did it that quickly. Of course, we had been advised to put a cover sheet on stating it needed to be assessed ASAP, so maybe that helped. So almost 5 grand and countless hours spent hashing out our entire relationship later, we've applied. Now we wait. And because I'm on this visa now, I have access to Medicare. Which means I'll pay nothing when I deliver. I've been using private health insurance this entire time and while it's honestly been pretty great, I'm still happier that I'm fully covered and won't pay an excess on admission to the hospital

There's probably more I could write but I think I'm done for the day. Time to see about making some banana cream pie. Yum!