I dated some through high school, but I always knew they were not going to last. They were just for fun. Guys were way more fun to hang out with than girls.
Then I went to college. I just knew I'd find MY true relationship at college.
My junior year I met a guy in one of my classes. I thought he was cute!
Near the end of the year he asked if I could get him a copy of some notes he missed, and when we met up to give him the notes he asked me out for ice cream!
I said no. I was kind of in shock that he would ask me out!
Well, he asked me out to something else the next day and I said yes.
He was funny, he had a cool car, and he had money.
Perfect, right?
We dated long distance over that summer, and I just knew that was it. Some days I would have these feelings that it wasn't right or that he wasn't the one for me, but I would brush them aside thinking about how fabulous my life with him would be.
After being back together at school for 3 months he told me he wanted to go on a break. His parents moved to the States from South Korea when he was 13, and they were very traditional, he said. He said that they did not want him dating a white girl.
I said ok. I just knew we were going to make it through this.
After a month we met up and he told me he was breaking up with me.
I was crushed! This was supposed to be my fairy tale!
Time went on. I made friends and dated around, but it was nothing serious.
I was depressed and sad, but I did ok.
We had scheduled a class together before we broke up, and so the next semester (spring) we were in the same class. I was always with friends, but it hurt to see him every day.
One day I became very angry with him for ignoring me, and so I text him and told him off. I told him how angry and hurt I was that he would lead me on just to break up with me. blah blah blah...
Anyways, that led to us texting, which led to us getting back together within the month.
We happily dated up until December. I made him an adorable countdown for Christmas break until we would be together again.
We met up once during the break to look at engagement rings. He told me he wanted to marry me!
After Christmas break things were a little odd. I asked him about it and he told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore. (we had never done anything physical outside of holding hands together)
I was so hurt. I had very low self-esteem at the time, and that was the most hurtful thing he could have said to me. He knew that.
He asked if I would be patient and wait for him, and I said no. I was done waiting.
The whole time we had been back together he wouldn't technically classify us as dating because of his parents, and he kept asking me to be patient. I finally had enough that day.
"If he doesn't find me attractive he has no business wasting my time" was my attitude. But I was devastated.
He would always talk about our future, and made it seem so real. Only to prove that it was all a lie.
After we broke up he became super hateful and vengeful. Spreading lies and just generally being hateful.
When we dated he always blamed problems on his parents. Saying he just needed to date a Korean girl to make them happy. Then after me he dates another white girl.
I was so confused, betrayed, and hurt! I thought this was my happily ever after!
Just short of a year after we broke up I met my SO. Meeting him made me realize why it didn't work out. He is The One for me
I was glad I had been single for almost a year before meeting my SO. It gave me time to get past my ex and his terrible ways. I realized he had been emotionally abusive during our relationship, and that he wasn't the great guy I had made him out to be. I learned a lot about myself, and I learned never to change myself for anyone. I am good enough, and if you don't like ME, then find someone you do like. Don't try to change me to be that.
On Saturday I woke up to a text from my younger sister. It was a screenshot of a FB announcement asking for prayer for my ex's family as he had passed away that night.
I was in shock.
Apparently he hung himself.
I feel so bad for his family. I wish they would have understood him and let him follow his own dreams. I no longer harbor any bad feelings towards him. I felt no joy or anger at seeing his picture. Just pity for his family.
I guess I have kept all of this in for over 2 years, and learning that he had passed away made me think about it. It made me realize how lucky I am to have my SO. It made me realize everything happens for a reason.
I decided to share this because I finally felt free to say what was trapped inside of me since I no longer have any ill-will or bad feelings for him. Only sadness.
You chose to not continue this kind of on and off relationship and to go through the hard times until you found your happiness and I admire you for that.
What a shame he chose to end his life and the grief it caused to his family