The town had gone into quick hybernation since I was there 3 weeks earlier. It was kind of sad to see many of the shops closed, and many of his colleagues had already left town, or at least work. There were some beutiful sunny days, but also some rain and the evenings were quite cold. Luckily, one of our common friends is there a lot, so even though her husband was also there I had her to talk to. I also got to know some other guests of his a bit. I was also eager to just read. Since it was slow pace, one of the chefs had the time to make good allergy food for me, with pasta and flour that we brought! That really lifted my days, and it was SO who thought of the idea, he also made the chef prepare wonderful giant scampi for us that we had bought in the market. We also grilled ourselves one day, SO made a marinade from oil and youghurt and we had a fall barbeque on our balcony.

SO surprised me with getting me a beautiful, simple diamond neckless that I will probably wear every day now. He also he got some things to put on the wall that he told me to take to Norway (because we are soon going to disemble our Turkish flat). I appreciate very much how he finds "public" things like aniverseries a bit stressful, but still finds it in him to give me gifts. I also got a rose before I left... We had a date at a place that is much talked about, that he had not been before because it is usually packed with his guests (now there was only 3 families we had to chat to upon coming and leaving) - the food was nice and the chef made me a special bred which was great. I didn't go to massages this time as I didn't have that much money and also SOs days were much shorter this time and I wanted to spend them with him. I did get my hair cut at a local shop though, that was kind of symbolic because I used to say my Norwegian hairdresser must cut it, but now I was like; I partly live her now, I guess I can cut my hair here as well, so that is what we did, my SO watching me all the time as my hair fell to the ground.

I did meet again the guy who I figured was smitten with me, he did not work while I was there but we met him as a bunch of the guys met at a popular cafe. He has just gotten an arm tatoo made and was showing it off to everyone. It was a good tatoo, taken at the studio they all go to (SO wants to tatoo his late sister's name) and he was clearly proud of it. There was something changed about him, he seemed resolved, more mature. He greeted me very politely, made no jokes, made an extra effort to make me feel welcome. I felt like, now he understands how it is. I never wanted any bad on him. Maybe later he can find a girldfriend for himself. It felt like a good way to end the season.

We are preparing SOs Schengen visa. We are trying to learn from the rejection we had last time, and so as reccomended I am giving an economical guarantee (had to show my pay checks and got stamp from the police) and I am giving him a personal invite on the grounds that he is my boyfriend (could also have said friend, but I think it is better not to lie). We plan to have several rehersals before the embassy will call him/us. We imagine they will have questions about the poly part, as I had to state that I am married on the form. I really don't care if they think me and my husband are informally seperated or that we live poly, but anyhow I have passport proof that I go regularily to Turkey. It is scary but we hope it will go through. We set the time to late January so that he will have finished all his exams as well as payed off some debt in Turkey before he goes. I was hoping to spend Christmas all 3 of us, but I realized to him Christmas means nothing and this way we also have more time and will not be rushed like last time.

SO found this very charming yougster female cat. She has slept with him in the bed a lot while I have been away, and while he is into feeding several of the freerunning neighbourhood cats, he has taken especially care of her. I took to her right away, she is soft and trusting and super sweet. Me and SO we were really cheesy, reffering to each other as "mum" and "dad" and like mixing her into every kind of conversation. We also had to take care of practical stuff, in the end among other things she learned herself to pee in the shower! I was sick one day while being there, and she was a real console to me. She was also with us every day and sometimes at night. I worry what will happen to her, because SO moves around in winter (he wil have to get at couple of months off working at the restaurant, or he will go crazy). I have an idea that maybe after next season it will be possible to bring her to Norway.

Our future plan is as follows:
- Renting an extra month in our flat, him working the same place and taking care of our cat. Me visiting last week of November (if my boss allows), studying as usual, bringing clothes and cosmetics to Norway. He will go to Ankara to deliver the visa application and get tickets reserved etc.
- Him working through December too. He will take his first exam in early Descember. Midmonth when the lease ends he will move out of the flat, store our kitchen stuff and fans somewhere for next season. By the end of the month I will go to him on VACATION (no reading), we will travel internally in Turkey, starting close to the city and moving further away. It will be our first ever vacation together! SO says hotels will be easy to come buy as it will be off season. I will spend early Christmas with husband (who have to work on NYE) and family, and then go.
- January: SO will go to the nearby bigger city to work at some restaurant and study there. Towards the end, he will have his exam, then if all goes well he will come here...
- February: Hopefully he will stay here large parts of the month. Then a little while later we will go together to his home town and see his mum and many of his relatives.
- March; most likely he will start season again and we will start to rent together again, in the same appartment or somewhere else (if we find something prettier or cheaper. We have a good relatiosnhip with our hostess, so there is a good chance we will choose the same place over again.
- Then we will stay there until season ends, he goes to compulsory military 6 months (no idea how that will work in terms of visits) and then hopefully we can temporarily close the distance if he comes her to study.

Somewhere in here there will have to be made decitions about kids. Because I am almost 35, granted I need to focus on my job right now, but I am not getting any younger, so... I think in a year from now, the three of us need to talk about this.

As some of you may know, my husband has been though chest surgery (mastectomy) and things have been really strange, I have hardly been able to touch him because he has to wear a vest day and night. My husband feels great, but also strange, too. He is on a sort of tour of visits to friends and family, taking advantage of being on a sick leave. Originally, he was supposed to come to Turkey with me but he went to see his family instead. We have really missed each other this whole week, we had just started to get mentally close again since the operation, then I had to leave for SO. The three of us had a good Skype 2 days before I left for Norway again. Me and my husband will talk to the bank next week, then go flat-searching for a bigger flat (hopefully, we will have moved as well as sold the old flat by end of January).

Yes, a lot of stuff going on... For the first time in the LD have started to feel really tired and out of breath, mentally. I think SO is tired, too. We had a sort of fight before I left (he did something stupid and I ended up crying), but I think I don't lie when I say it ended up bringing us closer. Because SO sometimes closes up, and I find that hurtful, and when I get enough of him being distant or strange I let him know and I state my ground, and then it is like a cloud lifts and his eyes become like those of a vonerable child. My SO and my husband are VERY similar in these matters. That makes it so that I can understand SO on basis of my husband, but also that I can feel that they gang up on me. As strange as it may sound to you non-poly people out there - I can sometimes feeel like I am redudant in the relationship(s), because the guys always understand each other so well, and I am at loss of what to do at times. My strenght is, I am not afraid to be open and I don't lash out when I am angry or scared anymore (which is very hurtful to people in general, but also especially hurtful to Turks in my experience). I guess I am literally sick of being sick, too, I am told by doctor to just shoulder it because it will pass. While staying with SO I went through 2 whole bottles of coughing sirup, and that was even when I was starting to get well. My boss misses me and needs me, I can't be on sick leave. Lots of my friends - including SOs best friend and his fiance - are having babies these days, which is kind of hard for me. Well, I guess getting a bigger flat is a start...

On the way home, I brought an exessive amount of kilos in books in an upractical bag (we had not really though it through). I felt tired on the plane, I even fell asleep which I have never done before. In the passport control in my town I saw one of SOs (and my) friend, he has lived here before and now he is to stay for some time. Again I fell asleep on the buss. I sleept like a stone all night and when I woke I could have sworn there were a cat in my bed. Husband is not here, he is with his family (the 2nd time around he is away when I get home) and will be for another week. The plan is to fix the house and all until he gets back, as a surprise for him, and I will, granted I can belch down another bottle of couch sirup and get my Turkish class homework done.

I feel like this is...LDR level 2. I am still into it, I still believe, but sometimes it is a bit hard, too. And SO is scared because he loves me and he has never loved anyone before. But my boys need me, I know they do.