Our cat threw up for two days. We had ordered a housecall veterenarian and was told they could come first thing in the morning, but sad to say I had my suspicions he couldn't make it. I have hat a cat die before and our cat acted just like that other cat, very slow and weirdly cool. I kept cuddling him, thinking at least he can feel my touch, he can tell that we care. I thought that I felt him getting a bit warmer towards the evening, but perhaps that was just his heart beating faster for the last time. In the morning when I cam to see him, he was cold. I felt first the shock, then just numb, then random times it dawns upon me that our cat is forever gone. He will never again purr in my lap, fall asleep upon SO or demand attention and cuddles for hours.

SO has been handling it the usual ways - talking to other guys about it without any overt emotions (I went to the hairdresser, he stayed outside and had tea with the guys there), small random acts of agression towards me, mostly he is very gentle and caring towards me or he curls silently up to me like a boy to his mum.

Weirdly, around the same time that our cat died, his kitten daughter - the result of his on-and-off girlfriend and our inability to get our cat neutered - keeps showing up at our dour, unafraid like he was. She makes everything easier and harder, because everytime she does something she is the spitting image of her dad.

Today we are just sad.