Me and my husband just went to visit SO and get some sun. My husband nicknamed this week "our week of hell". It certainly had some challenges.

When we first arrived, SO was in a perfect mood. I had been voicing some concern to him before I left, mainly I was feeling lonely and insecure because of the huge lack of communication over the summer, the 2 year celebration not happening and his changing moods/personality. But hey, the first few days, it was all bliss and sunshine and even our kitten is no longe climbing the curtains, but is peaceful and quiet and enjoying lying in our laps. There was sex, shopping in the markets, reading in sunbeds - and I even attended a local fotoshoot. And coming out poly to common friends.

I honestly can't remember what made me snap. Perhaps it was something he did or didn't do. Perhaps just his moods, him being so cold. Husband decided to move to a hotel. SO and I proceded to have our biggest fight until this day. It was really absurd, with him saying stuff like "Men don't cry" and then crying in my arms when I told him I am proud of him. He told me that he thought his moods were all my fault, I told him why is there not a single person older than you working the beach? Because you are too old for your job. He told me; I never intended us to be forever. But he also did no want to break up. I felt every negative emotion. He was even partly upset at work, which he is otherwise too professional to do.

It went on so-so for a few days. We spent most evenings out eating. The last day we went out all three of us, we even took pictures (which he doesn't like to do). He told us that there are two issues: he is uncomfortabe with me paying for most things (which I am ok with, since I am tired of traveling so much and I also can not afford to anymore). And he has doubts about polyamory and with our future as a family. He wanted to know if we would be angry at him were things to end, which of course we will not (there has been a million people badmouthing the guy I had a sort of relationship to, but I have not even told people anything he did. Because I would never do that, especially since I care about his girlfriend). He does still want to come to Norway to work, if at all possible. I promised to help him with that, and that he doesn't have to stay with us if he comes, he can have his own flat. I honesty did not know what to make of anything. But in the middle of being afraid and angry, I felt I was mostly just sad. Sad that my rewards for waiting patiently for him all summer were not coming. Sad he were not fighting for us like he was earlier this year with his friend.

I felt close to him. But also very hurt and upset. And confused about the very, very intimate sex we were having. When we left for our bus, he came running after me as if in a movie, just to give me a last kiss. I was sad about leaving the season, my "summer friends" (yes, I finally got girl friends there), the cat and him. I was upset and wanted to get away to think.

I told my husband on the plane; I have been begging him all summer to talk to me. And especially to talk about the future and the fact that I can't afford to come as often, and can't afford to pay for our flat and all. This is very easy. I will come less often, and leave it to him to fix his own housing. I will not meddle with his job, because it obviously hurts his man pride if I was to financially support him taking a vacation. At least he is talking to me! Saying stuff he means, even in convoluted and hurtful ways. And even my husband was of the opinion that anything is better than silence.

And the polyamory thing... Of course it concerns him. It is not usual in his country, and not in mine. We have never done this before, we don't have experience to draw on. But I told him: we decide if we want this relationship. I decide what I want. You decide what you want to. For now, we have decided to stay together and not talk too much about the future, but to focus on practical matters and especially on his work visa to Norway. I will have a meeting with the restaurant owner's wife next week and call our Foregin Department to see if I understand the visa rules correctly.

And this is where we stand. They said a plant sometimes needs repotting and a new soil to grow. I talked to some people, they say that it migh be moving jitters, combined with the depressive reaction he is having. Or he simply is not comfortable with poly long term - which I guess only he can decide. He told me several times that we are the love story of a century. The first time he told me, was the first time he met my husband - and we also faught because poly is "not possible" (which I have learned basically translates as "my family will not like it").

Ever since we got home, he has been initiating all texts, practually swamming my phone. I get very practical under stress, so I told him "I will not come for a visit in December" (November is alread payed for). And all of a sudden, he wants to come to Norway in December (instead of working in Turkey, like he told me he would do).

Only the future will tell where we go from here.