As I mentioned in the Forum, my husband and I struggle. A lot. And he broke up.

To cut a short story shorter, he told me he considered breaking up, that he is unsure of kids (should we be together) and does not know himself. We saw a therapist suggested by a friend. He had a small breakdown. Then after a week alone on the couch, he moved out.

The strange thing is, I was very upset when he said that he MIGHT break up, but after he did it, I started to feel a sense of purpose. SO was with me in this; he is convinced - also after talking to my husband - that things may resolve. My sisters are also convinced that we will get back together - even the sister who knows I live poly and is against it, she surprised me by quoting a poly book to help me understand my husband better! My sisters have been really wonderful to me, and my friends too. I know others friends are taking care of my husband. One of our friends who lives abroad started renting out to my husband. Husband only broghts personal items, like clothes, cds and a few toiletries. The idea is that my brother will move back in (he moved to my sister for Easter) and pay more rent, so we can afford this arrangement.

The other strange this is, we have had such good talks during the breakup and even after he moved out. We have talked about our feelings so much. Everything that went wrong. And I am very proud of myself for not running after him telling him he has to stay. I have just stayed put. Stayed in contact in small ways. I know he has some big issues - with life, himself, and poly - and he needs to work through these, alone. I have tried to speak on his behalf many times, but he needs to find his voice.

I am still wearing the wedding ring.

After Easter, my husband says I can visit him again - it is too hard to talk in person right now. I feel like he loves me, even romantically, but that there is a wall inside his body and mind.

I had a religious experience about Maundy Thursday - my favourite sad day of the year. I lit a candle in church and prayed for my husband. I apologized to him over text for not being the wife he needed me to be. He texted back apologizing to me for his lack of communication.

SO has been wonderful to me through this. He has comforted me and told me he loves me and longs for me. We have not seen each other in 4,5 months. I am waiting for money to go to see him again.

I dont know what the future will bring. If my husband resolves his other issues and poly remains if he should consider coming back to me, what would I choose? I dont know. I have not been given that choice. And my husband says that right now, he is not fit to be the boyfriend of anyone - I agree.