All my worries lifted from my back. SO was doing everything for me like Mr Gentleman incarnated, or he made other people do things for me. And of course I was silly happy in love with him and I think everything about him is simply fantastic lol
We stayed in this wonderful hotel with everything covered (that he payed for). It was really like a honeymoon in so many ways. We had a room in the 5th floor, overlooking the whole hotel, the close by hotels and the bay. Or in the voice of SO, "only the full moon was missing". We ate nice food together, swam in the pool, enjoyed our balcony, walked on the beach and went to the sauna. We stayed a bit off "the grid" this time, which worked very well since we had our bikes. He had a new shift, so we had all long mornings together, as well as usually a few hours during the mid day (like a siesta) and after his shift at 1 past midnigh. After a few days we managed to not go to bed at 4 in the morning
We found out that rather than me sitting in the restaurant studying (I have gotten a new book to study Turkish), I would sit in the bar, which gets me out of the way while at the same time allows him to check up on me all the time. Also, I was spending some time in the hotel, shopping, and meeting up with friends (yes, I am starting to get girl friends that I see without him, not just staying with him and the guys). Right before I went, I had a revelation that it is bad for me to be around my ex (-husband), or even talk to him in matters not related to anything practical. I had an accident that kind of startled me to the degree of stress I was feeling; I burned myself on some coffee, and after it all changed for me
. I mean I was THROUGH. I started to put all his stuff away. I dont see myself getting back together with my ex, or even being friends for a long while. I mean he whiped his hands clean of me pretty fast and broke it off without giving me any chance to fix any problems. I feel that not only has he hurt me, but he is also hurting and confusing my SO. I am happy that my ex has started therapy, but he has no real awareness that he is hurting my/our feelings, including meddling in my worklife and health recovery which I am pretty sensitive about. I felt I had to cut contact with him just to feel that I will be ok emotionally. I have taken the ring off (even though the door signs still say my husband lives there). I also dont feel obliged to NOT get pregnant by SO. SO asked me if I would tell my siblings about him and I told him I will. I feel slowly my image of the future is changing. The idea of a divorce does not scare me anymore - while the period right after my ex left scared the shit out of me and I felt totally worthless, like the lowest of the low. If we got back together, it would be like starting a whole new relationship - but why would I risk getting dragging myself and SO into it again? For sure, SO has been patient enough already. He has the patience of Jesus. I am very protective of SO and it breaks my heart in a million peaces to see him hurt, much more than what anyone can do to me.
Now I am back to living with my brother (he was supposed to move out, as his presence annoyed my ex. But really, it seems my ex was annoyed with everyone and I cant even see why my kind brother was annoying to anyone). I am back to applying for jobs and keeping everything together. If I dont get a job interview before "the main holidays" start here, I am considering going back soon, if I can afford it
