---DISCLAIMER: This post might contain melodramatic elements caused by hormones playing April weather--
I was just answering in the thread about the longest time between visits and it made me think about something but I didn't want to hijack the thread or open another one. It's nothing to actually be discussed and I don't like the idea of opening a thread just for moral support.
My boyfriend is going on a trip with his dad and then with friends this summer. This means that even though he doesn't have classes, we won't see each other for a whole month (30 days). There's normally only 2 - 3 weeks between our visits, so this is a long time for us.
I don't know if it's because it's near that time of the month and I would probably cry over a video about cute kittens, but I'm having a hard time dealing with this. Especially tonight.
We've talked about it and I have caused a fight over it on at least one occasion. I know I'm being unfair but I can't help the way I feel. He could spend at least part of the time and money he uses for the trips with me and I feel that that is what he should be doing.
I understand that he is only trying to have a good relationship with his dad and friends and I do realize how important that is. But I can't help feeling that he should spend time with me whenever he can as long as we're long distance.
Maybe it is something I don't fully understand. I'm very close to my mother (not my dad -I haven't had any contact with him in almost three years and I don't foresee us establishing a relationship again), but I think we've both agreed that each other's partners are a priority and we'd both sacrifice seeing each other for seeing our boyfriends (in fact - if I weren't in a long distance relationship I would go home a lot more than I do now). I don't, as sad as it sounds, have any friends that close, that I'd rather go on a holiday trip with them than with my boyfriend either.
I'm fully aware that that's potentially unhealthy, but so far I'm fine with it, a risk I'm willing to take.
...except that it's not the same for my boyfriend.
It's unfair because part of what I love and admire about him is that he's such a great son and friend. It keeps him interesting for me and I wouldn't want him to give it up for me. I've had guys give up almost everything in their life for me before and I most certainly didn't like that.
I want him to spend quality time with his family and friends and I want him to stay himself and not give up his hobbies for me.
But damn... I also want to spend time with him. Long distance relationships require certain sacrifices if you want to see each other regularly. But I feel that I've been making a lot more ore them than him. The sad truth is, that he might have more to sacrifice, though, which naturally makes it harder for him.
The last time I mentioned it, we got into the first serious fight we've ever had, so I'm most likely not going to touch the subject again. There probably is no solution to this anyway. I don't really want him not to go on the trips. It wouldn't make either of us happy in the end.
I have no choice but to learn how to deal with it.
Sometimes I just hate the distance between us so much. All I want is to be with him in person everyday, be able to talk to him in person and for more than an hour every day.
Like you though, I was really upset when we went three months without seeing each other. I didn't even have any idea that it would be that long, but things just kept coming up and money was tight..I was an emotionally wreck at the end of it because even though I knew it was no one's fault, I felt angry towards my SO.
But we all have obligations and things that we are not willing to sacrifice. I know 30 days seems like a long time now, but the time will pass so quickly.
I don't want to be clingy and I'd never tell him not to go. His friend's girlfriend pulled a stunt like that last year and I thought it was horribly silly and desperate. Needless to say, she's not very popular among their friends any more. Not a situation I'd like to be in, really.
I guess it's ok to admit that I'm hurt by it and that it's making me sad, but in the end it's my problem and something I have to learn how to deal with.