Sometimes I don't know how much longer I can do this.
It's not the 'big things', there isn't really any big thing. The longest time between visits until august this year will be 25 days. We've spent more time together than apart this year so far.
But right now I'm so sick of everything that comes with the distance.
I've just come home from a visit yesterday with a really bad migraine-y headache and then had to carry my suitcase all the way up to my apartment on the 4th floor (no, no lift here).
My internet was being moody tonight so we couldn't skype.
I don't know how much we will be able to see each other after the summer, because we will both be working and I'll be writing my BA thesis in Nov/Dec.
I'm sick of the travelling. I've travelled 15 hours to see him last week (it should have been 11). I'm sick of not being able to have a normal routine here at home, because I'm away so much.
Most of all I'm sick of not knowing when this finally ends. My boyfriend's applying for uni in Germany next year. But even then, he'd still be 400km away. We might be able to see each other every weekend, but I'd still have to travel for hours to see him. It'd only be for 1,5years too, because after that I'm moving to his home town while he'd stay in Germany (oh, the irony!). We're going to be 500km apart and international again (expensive phone calls...).
I'm going to stay in this because I love him and no one has ever quite understood and been able to deal with me quite like him. And I get way more out of this relationship than all the travelling and missing and worrying takes away.
I'm also aware that a lot of you have it worse and I admire you. I couldn't do that. Considering how much it hurts me to leave him for even only two weeks, I can't imagine going home without knowing when we'd see each other again (or knowing it won't be for a few months). I'm not just saying this, I know I couldn't do it. I couldn't put myself through that pain.
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Dziubka started a blog post How much longer can I do this?!How much longer can I do this?!
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In your case though the upside is you see him a lot more often. The downside is you leave him a lot more often. I know when I was dorming in my freshman year of college but lived really closed to home, and came home EVERY weekend, or almost, I was constantly in an up and down mood and I hated it. When I was abroad and sometimes went a week without skyping the parents, I got very used to it and loved the new normal.
Just saying. Don't feel bad, please.
I'm actually feeling a bit better already. I got so much done today and I'll be busy writing term papers for the next few weeks (until I start my job in August), so I'm not going to have time to self-pity myself.
It's just that I guess a lot of people have this romantic view of long distance relationships. You know the "Oh, it's soo cute and admirable what you two go through." Hell, I had that sort of romantic idea of long distance relationships about how much you anticipate seeing your SO, getting ready for trips and all that.
Unfortunately that's only a small part of an LDR and being alone at home, unpacking and missing your SO is the bigger part