About a week left until I move. We're taking a bus on Wednesday night so we're arriving some time Thursday (after)noon. I already did some packing and decided on what to throw away/leave here to take at a later time/take with me. Wednesday is doable.
I'm doing something that is/was hugely difficult for me. I'm somewhat embarrassed about it, but aaanyway *takes a deep breath*
I have (had?) really bad dentist phobia. Like even the thought of having to go to one made me nervous, sick to me stomach and unable to sleep. The last times I had to go I was panicking and crying before anything happened at all. I don't know where it comes from. Other than that my mum -and her mum- is scared as well. So my teeth aren't totally bad, but I've known I needed to get things done for some time now. The last two times I went I just got emergency treatment as it was impossible to do anything more than that.
So Olek had been saying I need to see a dentist for some time now. He goes to all kinds of doctors all the time and he has his teeth checked twice a year, because he's a good boy like that. We fought about it, because I was too scared and embarrassed to even call and make an appointment and he wouldn't understand.
Well in the end to make a super long and difficult story short: I went on Friday, got x-rays and it turned out I need some fillings but nothing really bad *phew* The denist was really, really nice and told me we'd need four appointments. I had my first real one today. I was so scared, weak knees, upset stomach and everything...
and then it went really well. It didn't hurt at all. It wasn't exactly pleasant, but it wasn't even 1/10th as bad as I had imagined. Nothing to be scared of really. My next appointment is tomorrow morning, then on Wednesday and on Friday.
I'm so glad and proud of myself that I finally went through with it.
So that's the one big thing that has been going on.
And then the other thing...
It sounds like something teenagers would say or do and maybe not that long ago we were teenagers...
Lately Olek has been telling me that he has doubts. I want to think it is because he has been having too much time since quitting his job (he was working 10 hours and had a two hour commute in one direction, it really wasn't worth the money). But then I'm his first girlfriend and this is his first relationship. I've been on the other side of the doubt feelings before and now my exes are, well.., my exes.
Part of me doesn't want him to tell me about it. Pretend that if I don't know about it, it doesn't exist. The other part of me is glad that he's sharing it with me, it means that not all is lost and he wants to work on it. He's as lovely as ever and he has been incredibly patient and supportive with my dentist adventures. It probably is nothing... it's worrying me.
I had relationships before, longer ones (~2yrs) and this is the first time that the thought of never being with anyone else does not scare me. We'll have been together for three years in November and I'm still not bored of him. Everytime I look at him I still can't believe I have such a handsome boyfriend
The thought of losing him, being without him, scares me (even more than going to the dentist 
).Anyway... I just needed to get that off my heart. I'm sure things are going to be great. We have a wonderful holiday before us. We're spending four nights in Yalta in a hotel called "Golden Dolphin"
We're taking a rather luxury sleeping coach from Kiyv to the Crimea... And then I'm about to start my last semester of grad school classes. After that I will have only my Master's thesis left! I'm growing up!!!!
On doubts, I think most people have them at some point. But he loves you and is turning to you during his unsureness, and I think that really means something.
We both have some really different views about what is mess/order, that make the prospect of living together for all our lives sort of complicated for both of us *sigh*