The distance is so much harder this time. Especially for my boyfriend.
I case you missed it even though I've probably mentioned it about 97524632 times already: We've exchanges locations now. He's in Germany, where we lived together last semester and I'm in Poland (living with his parents).
He's very unhappy with where he is right now. I have no idea what to do or how to help him. He feels so isolated and scared. Most of our common friends moved away after last semester so he doesn't have a lot of friends there. Plus... I guess you know how it is, but you feel depressed so you stop meeting/talking to people, then you get even more depressed and convinced that no one wants to hear your sad stories, etc. He loves going out and he's such a social person. It's something that impressed me about him in the very beginning. It must be very hard for him right now.
It's not only the social situation either. Apparently the teacher they have this year is horrible. She teaches German to foreigners and most of the time she mumbles her instructions so that most of the class have no idea what they're supposed to do. He feels that his classes are a waste of time and that he's never going to learn German.
I feel extreeeeemly guilty, because in a way it's because of me that he's there. I know I'm not responsible for how things are. It's the first time he's away from home alone. It's probably normal to go through this. I don't know, because in that aspect I'm a completely different person. I don't really know why this is so hard for him either. I guess I'm less social than him AND I enjoy living in new cities (well I sort of have enough of it now, but for him this is the first ever time.)
But I can't help feeling like it somehow is my fault that he's unhappy. Add that I miss him a lot as well... and imagine the outcome.
We talked on the phone for almost an hour earlier tonight and at times I couldn't even talk because I was crying so much. I don't want him to be unhappy. It's really the worst. At least, when I'm unhappy I can do something about it. Eat comfort food, meet friends, read a good book, make cake or spend too much money on shoes, clothes or make-up. But from the distance, there's nothing I can do to make him feel better. I sent him a really cute card today and I counted that if you leave out the days we'll be visiting, it's 78 more days until we close the distance. 10 days until I'll visit him, then he'll be here for Christmas and New Year's, I'll visit for a week in February and at the end of February, we'll be together for good!! That's totally manageable, right?!
He decided he wants to stay and continue the course. I've told him a million times that if he's very unhappy and can't take it anymore, he can come back here anytime. He doesn't want to give up on it and he's scared of having nothing to do, if he got back here.
I guess sometimes there're just situations in life that are not ideal and that can't be changed. So you have to make the best of it...
Which reminds me, our three year anniversary is coming up (on my visit!) and I don't know if I should get something for my boyfriend. I was thinking of making an advent calendar with 24 photos of me/us. But then I don't know what he'd do with all the photos afterwards? I have no other ideas, though.
I'm considering getting tickets for another visit in December. I found a deal for about 140€, whch is quite good. I could surprise him again
Can surprise visits get old? Annoying? I'm going to ask him whether he wants a ticket...Sorry for all the rambling and depressing things. I feel a lot better already
What helped me was finding a volunteer organization that I believed in and that made me get out of the freaking house every day.
I don't know. I do agree that he should push through. Maybe he'll start feeling better, maybe he won't. But either way you'll close the distance SOON. And you both should look forward to that.
And one day you'll both get to the end, together, being fabulously well educated and set for life, and you'll have a great story to bore your kids and grandkids with.
I just got off the phone and he seemed to do a lot better today. I suggested finding people to play ping-pong yesterday and today his friends decided they wanted to join the ping-pong group at uni. Coincidence or I might have The Shining! A friend (whose girlfriend lives in Warsaw as well) got in touch for a language tandem, too. So things already look better today.
On yet another positive note: today for the first time in the 4,5 years I know him and almost 1,5yrs I've been working for him, my prof outright told me I did something "very well". He never does that. He either says nothing or criticizes, so as ridiculous as it is, it made my day or rather night