After the conflicts we had about moving in together and all. I went and looked for a place. Something that I liked and that I could afford by myself if I needed. In a way that I could pay rent, bills and would have enough for food and the occasional beer with friends/cinema/whatever.
I looked at 5 places. There were two that I wouldn't have moved in if you paid me to, one that was ok, one that was nice but expensive... and the last one.
It's not fancy. But it fit my most important criteria: a seperate kitchen and bedroom and no walk-through rooms. Doors to all rooms are in a tiny hall) AND good location. It takes me less than 20min to get to uni and 10 to go to the very center). It's also cheap enough that I could afford it by myself without problems. The furniture is super basic. There's like one chair, a kitchen table, a table in the room, a drawer and an old bed but used furniture isn't very expensive and I guess not being able to have a lot of clutter does have its advantages, too. The kitchen is big enough for four people to sit and eat comfortable and you can probably fit in more
I went to look at it last night and my boyfriend's mum was nice enough to come with me. I was pretty much sold when I saw how the apartment was cut out. I liked that there was no smelly old furniture and the wooden floor (carpets in rented places always gross me out a little). I went home, discussed it with my boyfriend and made an appointment for today to sign the lease.
Today both my boyfriend's parents went with me. I could have done it alone, but being a foreigner and all I preferred to have someone with me. I'm actually really grateful that they went.
It didn't go without some tension, though, obviously. The landlord asked how many people were going to live there and I was like "one now, two from March" and then he asked for my boyfriend's data too, so he could put him on the lease And the in laws were all "He's going to be here occassionally. He might not exactly live here." I didn't want to discuss that right there, especially with the landlord standing by, so I was like "Well, we discussed that. He's either going to live here, or I'm going to live here alone. And that's the end of it." It was a bit awkward and it made me realize that the last word in this hasn't been spoken yet.
I briefly mentioned it on the phone with my boyfriend later, because I hate discussing important things on the phone. All he said was that I can't blackmail him. Well... it's not blackmailing.
I mean if I wanted a second boyfriend and he would say "I'm not ok with that. If you get a second boyfriend, I don't want to be in a relationship with you. So either you don't get him or it's over." I wouldn't consider that blackmailing.
Independence is super important to me. I realise he's not quite there yet and it's not that easy for him (neither is it for me, I'll be the one 10,000€ in debt when I graduate *sigh*), but if at his age and place in life he doesn't take any steps towards it... I doubt that we're compatible in the long run
It breaks my heart to even think about it.But then yes, the last word hasn't been spoken yet. So far my boyfriend's sort of enthusiastic about the place. His uni is less than 10min away. That should make it easier to decide.
And I agree. You have the right to have certain expectations (as long as they are reasonable as in your case) and I hope your SO comes round and stands up to his parents. I know it's difficult because he's dependent on them but at the same time I put my foot down once or twice when I was still at uni when I was relying on my parents and yes, it was difficult and there was a lot of fighting but at the end they accepted my decision and still loved and supported me. However, I'm aware that everybody's different.