It's hard for me to get over my disappointment that SO couldn't come visit last weekend. I know it's really not his fault that the truck didn't start, and I know he was looking forward to seeing me too, but my goodness. I cancelled plans with a friend because I wanted to have as much time with him as possible, and then it turned out that I spent my Sunday afternoon alone anyway. Honestly, I didn't expect to get engaged and then not see him for a while. We haven't even had sex! I feel like I have so many happy relationship feelings that I have to bottle up because he's just not here.

He was sweet though. He said maybe he'll have to steal the ring back and then propose to me all over again when he knows we actually will have time together. He's adorkable like that.

Another example? I was a bit worried that we had vastly differing opinions as to what the ideal wedding should be. He would be OK with just going to the courthouse and not doing anything else, whereas I want something nicer. Nothing extravagant I think, but at least people dressing up nicely. I was talking to him on the phone last night saying I wanted him with me so we can at least talk about what kind of wedding we want. He said he's been looking at some wedding websites and he has a few ideas. When I expressed my surprise that he was actually taking an interest in the planning, he said: "well, my beautiful fiancée said she wanted something fancy, and I want to make sure she's happy." Oh my heart.

Still unsure as to when I'll be able to see him. He wants to try for this coming weekend, but it conflicts with prior commitments he made. I am having a hard time being away from him right now but at the same time I don't want him to feel like he can't have a life outside of me. So I had to make it very clear that it was absolutely fine if he still went ahead and did his thing this weekend. I would not be angry or resentful. But the thought of not knowing when I'll see him kills me. My apartment is basically our apartment. His books, his clothes, they're all over the place. Even the bed I sleep in is one we bought together.

I understand that he has to work though. I did not realize how absolutely broke he is. We're moving in two months (that's another reason I'm freaking out, unfortunately) and we're going to need some extra money to help with the move. Moving always has some expenses, especially when moving cross-country. I've found a cute little condo that I would absolutely love to live in I think, within our price range. But apartment-hunting from afar is difficult too. Especially when I'm at work and can't easily call people.

I am trying not to freak out too much, and to be patient. He works all day and doesn't get in touch until late. I get a morning text and if I'm lucky a phonecall when he gets off work. His parents - his dad especially - want to claim a lot of his time and I do understand, we're moving to another state soon. But I miss him. I feel so weak because I've been through relationships that were completely long distance, instead of only seasonally long distance, so I don't know why this is so hard. I find myself re-reading old texts a lot. There's one where he said I'd make a better mother than all the other mothers he knows. That made me unexpectedly happy. Two years ago I didn't even want kids.