I've had a lot on my mind the past 2 days, so I think writing a blog will make me feel better...
A few weeks ago, I posted in the "WOYM" thread about a male friend of mine who was saying negative and nasty things about my relationship with my SO. Just a quick backstory on this guy: We had been friends for nearly 3 years, and everything had been fine until just a few months ago. Out of the blue, he started asking me why I would want to be with someone who lives so far away, someone who is really only "there" for me 2 times out the year when we see each other. I was annoyed, but I kept brushing off this nagging feeling, hoping that our friendship would go back to normal eventually. I realize now that I was making excuses for him, and that I should've ended this friendship a long time ago. I guess since we had been friends for so long, though, and had really good times together in the past, I was hesitant to cut off contact.
Two days ago, I decided it was best to end our friendship. He was making me really uncomfortable and annoyed, and I wasn't have fun being around him anymore. In fact, I felt anxious and nervous every time we planned to meet up. That's not how you should feel before seeing a friend :/
To make things even worse, he randomly showed up at my house that same night wanting to talk to me. I didn't answer the door because I was too afraid. It really just confirmed that I made the right decision by cutting contact with him.
So, fast forward to last night... I was still feeling a bit weird about this whole situation, so I decided to meet up with another guy friend of mine for dinner. I knew this guy from a class we had at university earlier this year, but to be honest, I didn't know him that well. We really only interacted during class, and I didn't know much about his personal life. We had met up once before for dinner a few weeks ago, and I had a nice time with no awkwardness involved, so I thought it would be fun to get out and get my mind off things. I was having a good time at first, but then he started getting really flirty with me, trying to hold my hand and get closer to me :/
In his defense, he didn't know that I had an SO. He doesn't know much about me at all, and I hadn't brought it up before because I didn't know how to bring up the subject. Also, I didn't think it really mattered, because I didn't think he would try to make a move on me. I feel like an idiot now and wish I had said something earlier...
All of this has made me wonder, why do I never have successful friendships with guys?? With the exception of one male friend of mine, every guy I've tried to be friends with has eventually wanted more...even knowing that I have an SO! I don't mean to say that I'm so hot and gorgeous, and that every guy on Earth wants to be with me, but this always seems to happen to me. I think it's partially because I'm generally a friendly and outgoing person, and I'm easy to approach. A lot of guys take my friendliness and personality as me being flirty and interested in them, which is not the case at all. My friends even call me a "creeper magnet". So, do I have to completely change my personality and become a bitchy, rude woman in order to keep my guy friends around? That's just not me.
I don't want to be that person who says that men and women can't be friends, because I think that's a close-minded and ignorant statement. I do know women who have lots of guy friends, and it's always worked out for them. I think I'm just becoming bitter and ready to give up on having guy friends... But who knows, maybe that will change one day.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my ramble. I hope you all are having a nice day!
Both of those guys sound like they were desperate (not saying that you're the I'm desperate kind of gal). And in your defense neither of them were straight forward about their intentions which they should have been. It's not your fault at all, but perhaps from now on when doing stuff that could be perceived as a date (ie. going out to dinner just the two of you) with someone who isn't like a best friend it might be a good idea to ask them to clarify their intentions. It might be awkward but if they respect you they will respect your concern. I personally also like to drop the boyfriend card to test the guy's intentions. I'll casually mention him to see their reaction. I've had guys completely cut off conversations after mentioning my boyfriend.
I definitely plan on having more set boundaries next time, and I'll try my best to drop the "boyfriend hint" if there comes a time where I'm out alone with a guy friend.
Thanks for all your responses