After a year or so being active on the site, I think it's time for my first blog. At least, let's try it.
So, when Evelyn found me on FLA, a datingsite, she actually skipped me. I saw she looked at my profile, so I looked at hers. I liked the profile, so I wrote something to her - as I did with many others. 95% of them never responded, but she did. As said I liked her profile. I new she had a child living in, and she knew I had a child not living in.
At that time, I did see my son about an hour a week. And always with his mother - my ex-wife - hovering close by. Not ideal but at least I saw my son. Going to dat someone with children is a double risk and I knew that, so I included some information about my son and asked about her child - the site didn't specify anything more then 'children, living at home'...
Soon, we found ourselves dating on Skype, and a week or three later we were exclusive - quite fast, I know.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about the children involved.
As said, I have a son from a previous marriage, living with his mother. She has a daughter, almost exactly 2 years older than my son - both are Gemini. After about 2 months of dating we got her daughter involved in the conversations and on occation I chatted with her, too. Now, she's calling me dad (her dad died before she was born) and I'm calling her my daughter. I left out the 'step'-crap.
We don't use that.Today I had the great experience to be chatting with my daughter for 38 minutes and it was great. We talked about school, her plans for later, our plans for later (her mother and me, that is) and my upcoming first visit.
Sad thing in the whole story is, that I know more about my daughter, whom I have never seen in real life, then about my own son. His mother shields him from me and I know almost nothing more then when I left her. But my daughter is making me feel like a father again, and I am very happy about that. It doesn't make up, of course, for the lack of knowledge about my son, but at least I feel father again and that makes me feel blessed and happy.
Just wanted to share it.
Thanks for reading.
It is wonderful that you have a good bond with her daughter, however the 'step-crap' as you put it is not always a negative thing. I will be a 'step' parent when I close the distance with my SO, and I don't think that's 'crap' at all. Regardless of what the situation is, I don't think anyone can replace a mother or a father. I do believe that a person can become important in that child's life. I understand here that she has never met her father as he passed away before she was born, which is a sad situation. It is lovely that you want to be in that role of 'father' to her. I have been a step-child myself so I do understand what it is like.
My SO waited to meet me before I met his young daughter - because we wanted to make sure of what our future would be first, to avoid any heartbreak for her, because now she is quite attached to me (and I am attached to her), and it would be sad if we weren't in each other's lives.
I don't know - I guess I just worry a little bit about this kind of thing if the two people haven't met in real life. Yes in most cases those who get along online and fall in love - do meet and everything is amazing. But what if it isn't? I am not being negative, I am genuinely curious to what other people's thoughts are on this. I think the calling someone 'dad' this early without the couple actually meeting is a bit risky. But this is just my opinion and not intended to offend - as I said I am just curious. I guess if the parent is happy with it, and the child is also happy, then it is great - and of course it is nobody's business except yours, hers and her child's.
I wish you luck with your first meeting, I know from reading other posts that you still have another year to go - but hopefully this time will go fast and you have a great first visit! It seems that you two have a great connection
Yes, we have a good bond, probably aided by the fact she never had a father. But honesty tells me to say that Evelyn didn't introduce me to her daughter before we were sure we had something together ('we' being Evelyn and me).
Thank you for your reply. Next time I'll try to be more tactful. Time goes fast enough. We have a great connection, we are for about 98% the same.
The teenager, as teen boys are, doesn't talk to much haha, but he too likes Jon and thinks of him, it was his idea to choose some items to include in the care package I post across especially from him. It warms my heart to think my eldest wants to be involved in the package, it will build their relationship also.
In regard to "as the phoenix rises" comment, my children know that Jon and I are in love, would like to be together but are worlds apart. They know we plan to meet and if all goes to plan we will all be together, they also know that life happens and it may not work out. Either way Jon is a part of their lives, just like Erwin is apart of his daughters, and I think it's wonderful she is included in the relationship. In my opinion this is what forms a strong family. And no disrespect but i come from a "step" family and don't do "step-crap" either. What mine is yours with my partner.