I've been having small arguments with my SO lately, maybe once a week. We are both under a lot of stress and frustration about home life and work. These arguments haven't been real problems, but arguments still drain some energy. He gets overwhelmed, no matter if it was his fault or mine and needs his time to calm down, during that time, he is distant and not affectionate towards me, even cold.

After a few of those arguments and then some more serious ones (matters of miscommunication) that make him say that we might not work out, I keep having this instant fear that if I give him the space or let myself feel hurt or dissapointed (when he is at fault for the argument), he'll just keep seeing the negative and give up on us (even if it's not really a serious issue towards the relationship). If there wouldn't be the hammer of breakup upon me most times, I wouldn't mind the space and time to calm down, but.. now, I have instant fear. I haven't allowed myself to feel the full extent of the argument (if i was hurt) and made full effort to fix it. I just have ran out of energy. I feel like I can't be the one keeping everything up, I also sometimes want time to calm down for me without having to fear that he'll bring up breaking up. Because the fear will make me feel horrible and make me think that maybe it's all my fault and that I'm over-reacting. Just a habit of mine, I'm used to being blamed for everything (not related to my SO), no matter how the situation is. I don't know how to deal with this, how to be over it. I want to feel important to him, that's he'd do something to help us, to make me feel safe, but he says he can't until he has thought through everything and calmed down fully, but that can take days.

But if he hurts me, how do i accept him always having it his way and getting time for himself and not being able to show that he is sorry or do something to make it up or any sort of making me feel like he cares, even for days? How do I calm down when I need hm to show that he cares and is sorry? He has the security of getting time off and me still being there. I want it too.