Before-Hand NOTICE: Before I continue any further, the irony and note, not the sarcasm, the self-irony of the threads title does not and will never permit you to be an ASS or be DISRESPECTFUL.
Thank you for your understanding, Ladies and Gent.
WARNING! VERY LONG. I would greatly appreciate! If not, just go to the two last post I guess.
We lived our happy lives apart, dating, hanging out with friends, activities keeping us busy in the day and the evening, but we always had our little time at night to fool around, cuddle and laugh and smile and talk. We had healthy lives and passions outside our beginning relationships. The summer passed and we kept talking and became fonder of each other. It was also that first summer where me and my family went to Cape Cod where I came back home after a week of vacation with a running cellphone bill of one thousand and four hundred dollars because we were constantly texting. I still don't know how my father didn't rip my head off that month. It’s maybe because I helped him pay half the bill. Anyway, Five to six months later, I made my second mistake. I messed up, badly. Although it wasn't physical, I cheated on her on webcam with another girl. I came face up with it and told her the night after. I had never in my life made someone cry as much as I did that night. I'd never guess that I would make her cry even more a couple more times in the future as well. I also never saw a scarier mom then hers either. That night, we both stayed up really late talking on the webcam and then on the phone. That night I also realized she truly loved me. That all the I love you's she kept telling me, all the laughter’s, all the smiles I could give her and all the joy I was giving this little girl, they were real and honest, genuine and down to earth. I had really messed up but she had found the courage, the strength and most importantly, the love to keep going and give me another chance. That night, I came out with three important things. A strong, willing and loving girlfriend, a best friend and most importantly a soul mate, the want to become a better man then who I knew I was, to push and sacrifice everything if it made her happy and want to be with me and last, but not least, with a guilt that I had never felt before, a regret that still follows me to this day, a guilt that was too hard to overcome. It took a couple months, but we were on the right track again and everything was going great and perfect, despite the distance and we were happy again together. Through those months, our relationship grew to something much more bigger that both of us didn't realize quite yet and would have never guessed would happen. I was making her the happiest little girl in the south and she was changing a man that used to frequent bars, clubs, strip clubs and used to fool around with any girl because he was just avoiding all emotional contact with anyone into something. She was changing me into a man, helping me become someone who listened to his emotions and to his heart, a man who wanted nothing more than a loving wife and kids and a man who wanted to have a strong family. She helped me also become a better partner. That summer we spent two weeks apart, without being able to talk. Me and my mother’s side went on a vacation in the south and I couldn't text her there. When I came back, it just increased the importance of being with her, how much I missed her company, her words, her voice and how much I missed seeing her smile and laugh and just sit there in front of the webcam so I could gaze at everything she was and was going to be in our future.
Thank you for your understanding, Ladies and Gent.
WARNING! VERY LONG. I would greatly appreciate! If not, just go to the two last post I guess.
Introduction
I am sitting behind my computer today. It is twelve-past five and we are the sixth of December, two thousand and eleven. There are many purposes behind this thread, the most important ones being: finding redemption, asking for help and similar stories from the community and learning how to deal and live with myself and life in general. Many of you are probably thinking: ''Why don't you go to a therapist?'' or ''Your family is there for exactly that purpose, son.'' While I agree with you all, there are numerous things that just don't seem to connect together. A therapist for one, costs money and why should I go empty my wallet for guidance when helping someone should be free. Let’s not start the healthcare debate here, please. As for the family, while their help was helpful for some portions of my life and I will forever be grateful of them, my parents have a hard time understanding and agreeing with my choices over my previous long distance relationship. It just doesn't bode well with them and while they've let me experience it, emotionally they've never really understood and hence the help they think they're giving me, isn't really getting to me and even though I try explaining it to them many times over and in many different ways so they can understand, they just do not get it. And I quote my father's words and I am humbly sorry if young eyes read this part of the thread: ''You really sound like a woman; you should maybe have a pussy instead of a dick.'' While understanding the sarcasm of the moment, it still hurts to think that your own father would rather you run the clubs instead of pursuing the woman you truly love. With that said and the before-hand notice stated, I know and I fully realize the pain I have caused not only to myself, to her heart and to our trust and friendship. I do not need to have it slammed in my face again, trust me, I have taken care of that part far way to many times already. The only thing that this poor soul is asking for is people to take a moment from their busy lives and listen to a story, either cheer him up and fuel his dreams and his goals or give him the plate with reality on it.The Story
Our relation would have started three years ago this upcoming St-Valentine’s day, this fourteenth of January. I met her through her cousin, to which I befriend two-three years before. She was on vacation with her father’s side of the family because a member of the family was getting married. That same night we got presented to each other and we immediately bonded. A connection had formed and I still remember to this day, she was so gorgeous behind that webcam. I was sixteen and she was fourteen at that time, when we met. We rapidly grew fond of each other and talked every day about just everything there was to talk to. We were flirting, talking intimately and we were both very spontaneous. We were living that same spark as any other couple of two people but in our own special way. We started learning about each other. That is when I found out she lived in North Carolina, United States and she found that I lived in Quebec, Canada. I also found out that she was Christian and she found out that I was Muslim. We also rapidly discarded the religion-views and the at that time crisis in the Middle East. We didn't really care; we liked each other a lot. After a couple more intimate nights, she suddenly disappeared. By then, I was fully addicted to her. She was everything I wanted from a woman. She was brave, strong and she had what I call that ''I-don't-give-a-fuck-attitude'' from the south. I was never really a country guy back then, but she changed that so easily. The first time she made me listen to country was Big Green Tractor from Jason Aldean. I wasn't really impressed by the melody but I still kept it in my Itunes Library. For a whole month, I always got on msn and waited for her. When I was about to give up, one night, I came by that same song again and I listened to it. I kind of enjoyed it more that time and later that night, she came back and surprisingly asked me to date her out of the blue. Thinking back now, that is when I made my first mistake. I agreed. Even though I was addicted to her personality, was it really love I felt for her or did I only like that someone because she understood and comprehended my way of life, who I was truly and who was able to dismantle my heart of steel and bring up emotions and tears to my eyes. We started dating exactly a month after a week or so had passed since we met. She was amazing, incredible and she awe-inspiring; she truly was a game changer.We lived our happy lives apart, dating, hanging out with friends, activities keeping us busy in the day and the evening, but we always had our little time at night to fool around, cuddle and laugh and smile and talk. We had healthy lives and passions outside our beginning relationships. The summer passed and we kept talking and became fonder of each other. It was also that first summer where me and my family went to Cape Cod where I came back home after a week of vacation with a running cellphone bill of one thousand and four hundred dollars because we were constantly texting. I still don't know how my father didn't rip my head off that month. It’s maybe because I helped him pay half the bill. Anyway, Five to six months later, I made my second mistake. I messed up, badly. Although it wasn't physical, I cheated on her on webcam with another girl. I came face up with it and told her the night after. I had never in my life made someone cry as much as I did that night. I'd never guess that I would make her cry even more a couple more times in the future as well. I also never saw a scarier mom then hers either. That night, we both stayed up really late talking on the webcam and then on the phone. That night I also realized she truly loved me. That all the I love you's she kept telling me, all the laughter’s, all the smiles I could give her and all the joy I was giving this little girl, they were real and honest, genuine and down to earth. I had really messed up but she had found the courage, the strength and most importantly, the love to keep going and give me another chance. That night, I came out with three important things. A strong, willing and loving girlfriend, a best friend and most importantly a soul mate, the want to become a better man then who I knew I was, to push and sacrifice everything if it made her happy and want to be with me and last, but not least, with a guilt that I had never felt before, a regret that still follows me to this day, a guilt that was too hard to overcome. It took a couple months, but we were on the right track again and everything was going great and perfect, despite the distance and we were happy again together. Through those months, our relationship grew to something much more bigger that both of us didn't realize quite yet and would have never guessed would happen. I was making her the happiest little girl in the south and she was changing a man that used to frequent bars, clubs, strip clubs and used to fool around with any girl because he was just avoiding all emotional contact with anyone into something. She was changing me into a man, helping me become someone who listened to his emotions and to his heart, a man who wanted nothing more than a loving wife and kids and a man who wanted to have a strong family. She helped me also become a better partner. That summer we spent two weeks apart, without being able to talk. Me and my mother’s side went on a vacation in the south and I couldn't text her there. When I came back, it just increased the importance of being with her, how much I missed her company, her words, her voice and how much I missed seeing her smile and laugh and just sit there in front of the webcam so I could gaze at everything she was and was going to be in our future.
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