Was not meant to be.

[chef.rae]

I do not know if this belongs here, if it does not please tell me where it belongs and i will post it there.



I ended the one year seven month relationship with my SO last night. Sadly the HUGE argument started about something that someone annonomusly posted on here. I am not blaming whomever they are. My SO accused me of posting it and i told him several times that i had no idea what he was talking about and i was not even on the site the time this was posted so how could it be me? He made me promise that it was not me and i did.... Well he still had it in his head that I was the one who wrote it.


We started arguing, i was so angry and hurt and offended that i wanted nothing to do with him and did not want to be on the phone but he would not let me get off the phone. I have never been so angry with him before.


Long story short once i was able to finally get off the phone and turn it off for a while I texted him saying that i wanted a day or two to think things through and see if i feel like i should be in a relationship with him. At first that was ok, but then he wanted an answer right away, so i called him and told him that it was over. He started screaming at me about how messed up i am and how my family is messed up and how i was never near ready to be in a relationship and i'm sure other things, i fell asleep during this because it was so childish.


Honestly, I'm not too upset over it. It was all childish on his behalf. I am happy about my decision though.



But, if it is okay with everyone, I really would like to stay on here. I love the site, and i have had wonderful experiences with everyone. If you all think that i should not be on here, that's ok too. Not really sure how this works.

[snow_girl]

Sorry to hear about that, I don't even really know what to say but I'm glad you are okay. You can stay here as long as you want though!

[chef.rae]

It was so childish! I completely respect and care for him as a person, just after what happened there is no way that i can continue a relationship with him. I sort of find it ironic that we came here together to help our relationship and it kinda broke it. But again to whoever wrote that post about the breakup.... it's not your fault i do not blame you one bit.

[elizabethjp2010]

sorry that happened to you! I dont see why you couldnt stay on the site, we can still help you and you can still give advice!

[usmcgirl]

I'm sorry you guys had to go through that! As long as you're happy though, that's all that matters. And of course, you should stay on!

[chef.rae]

Thanks everyone! I really was not sure how this all worked, it's my first time being on a fourm really. Even if i do end up getting in a CD relationship at some point down the road im sure that this site will help some.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Aww I'm sorry it ended in such a childish way. You can definitely stay around, we'd miss you if you left. Glad to hear you're doing okay. We're all here for you.

[chef.rae]

Really missing him right now. This really sucks.

[rubydissolution]

Thats kinda messed up. Its funny that he said you weren't ready for a relationship when he was the one being immature. I'm so sorry it all went down like that though. Glad to hear your stickin around and that you're doing alright =)

[Haley53]

Thats kinda messed up. Its funny that he said you weren't ready for a relationship when he was the one being immature. I'm so sorry it all went down like that though. Glad to hear your stickin around and that you're doing alright =)

Unfortunately it's classic projection. :P

I'm sorry to hear about this. I was aware the relationship had its issues from things that were posted around, and I do think you are an incredible person for being so patient (not saying that the person in question was not deserving of that patience, but as I am also someone who has required a lot of patience in the past, I admire people who are willing to tolerate issues that can be difficult to handle for the person who has them, let alone those who have to deal with it) while you were. Though I do not think this was a wrong reason to end the relationship, especially if this is a repeating issue/circumstance, it is unfortunate that an anonymous thread was a trigger the person could not let go that led to this. :/ It does sound like a terrible blow-out and I'm sorry you had to deal with it. It's understandable you're going to be missing him, but that does subside. Personally, I think this might be a good/the best thing. Sometimes we don't realise it but we can become co-dependent on people to the point our issues are actually being fostered through the relationship. Perhaps this will give him some time to do some further work on himself and become more ready for a relationship himself, while also giving you time to heal and meet someone who's at the same level you are and who can treat you better and more in the way that you deserve. Hang in there.

[chef.rae]

Trying my best to. I still cannot believe how NASTY and DEGRADING he was when i gave him the deceny of a phone call to tell him that it was over. He said that he was aware that he had problems but he made me out to look like the person who was the one who was killing the relationship in the long run. I have NEVER had issues when it came to break ups they have always been civil and a couple of my ex's i still communicate with. He has made it clear that he wants absolutly nothing to do with me and that he will never date me again. I'm sorry but honestly i cannot handle the fact that he wants nothing to do with me right now. Even though he has trust issues and other stuff as well, i do respect him and care about him as a person, but after the nonsense last night i cannot see myself being able to date him unless there were major changes and he can prove to me that those changes will stay.


I guess I'm still shocked. I do not know what to do, I know that I am sticking with my decision this time around, I'm just so floored.

[Haley53]

-hug-

I have had issues with this as well. One of my old friends (a best friend, actually) with whom I had something of a fling, our relationship more or less ended with him saying he didn't care about anything about me anymore. Sure, there were things leading up to it. Yes, he'd said some horrible things before, behaved in horrible ways before, but "Don't you get it? I don't care about anything anymore" was probably the harshest and most telling of his words/behaviours. With my ex, our relationship ended because his best friend told him it was "her or me" and he chose his best friend. There were signs leading up to it, but it took him reaching the point of first lying to me about why he broke up with me, second making me out to be the bad guy, and third accidentally revealing to me it was his best friend that was the reason for me to truly accept the fact that the signs/red flags had been there. I imagine there were red flags in this relationship too, things that happened that were similar, but maybe not as harsh, as this, and you may have noticed them and forgiven them/shrugged them off, or you may simply not have seen them. It unfortunately seems to happen that it's not until we decide we're done that we ultimately end up seeing someone's true colours, because there's a lot that can somewhat "blind" us when we're directly involved with someone in a situation.

I think what you have to understand is that his behaviour has nothing to do with you. It's somewhat awkward to talk about, being as that he's also a member of the forum, but I think you should know that a lot of the time, those things said? They're not about us. Like I said in another post, it sounds to me like there was an issue with projection. I won't lie and say I've never projected my issues. It's something we've all done. But I think when you're in the midst of those issues, still struggling through them, you're more susceptible to turning it around and pinning the blame on somebody else. What he said does seem manipulative and childish but it seems backed by hurt, and I think that's understandable, but I also think it's important that you realise his words reflect on him. Not you. And maybe some of his words do have validity, but if they do, you will see this at a point you're able to look back more objectively. For now, it seems as if what's best for you is to have a break/some space from each other, as this relationship seemed fairly toxic. :/ I know it may hurt that he wants nothing to do with you right now, but I honestly think that it's what's best for the both of you. Space, especially after a break-up, is extremely important.

[Bethypoo]

OF COURSE you can stay! You are still part of the family and bring great insight!!! I am sorry that you relationship is over but I am glad that you are okay with the decision!

Good luck and hope you stick around!

[chef.rae]

Eclaire,

I honestly have no idea if he will continue to use this site or not. Butin anycase yeah it is weird, and there were times when i was uncomfortable about the both of us being on here because he constantly read everything that i had posted. He even told me that he would go through the annonomus section looking for things that i could have possibly posted. But after this blow out i guess you can call it, I'm not sure if he will be on here at all.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I'm sorry to hear what's happened, chef.rae. Eclaire is right, you just need some space right now. You're more than welcome to stay, I know I did I wish you the best of luck in the near future and I hope things look up for you soon