I always feel like I have to explain my relationship here, because they way it came about is a bit complicated. So I thought I'd put our story down in one place and just point to it whenever I feel the need to explain. I'll be the strong, silent, pointing type.
We met through a fandom. The Joss Whedon fandom to be precise. The Firefly/Serenity/Browncoat fandom to be even more precise. This is how it happened.
Back in 2004 it was announced that a movie was being made from the cancelled TV show Firefly. It was being released by Universal, and they created a forum for the movie because Firefly had a strong online fanbase. I became pretty active on the forum, because there were a lot of cool people there, including a couple of the actors, and it felt like a really fun, close community. Now previous to being a part of this forum, I was a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of forum member. I might stick around a forum a month or two, but I'd generally lose interest and never stayed long enough to make friends. This forum was different. I was really active, and I found myself making actual friends on the board.
Serenity eventually came out, to less boxoffice than Universal had hoped, and they wanted to take the site down. It turns out one of the friends I'd become closest to actually ran the site for Universal, and he asked them if he could take ownership of the forum. They didn't allow that, but they did promote his new forum on the site. And he asked me to be a moderator.
Because he made me moderator, I had even more reason to stick around the forum. My friendships deepened, and I traveled to visit people from the forum. We went to conventions and sent Christmas cards to each other, we supported each other through good times and bad.
After a couple of years, my friend (the owner of the forum) and I, each going through rough patches in our lives, started to talk more, and started to look upon each other as more than friends. He was English, and thus long distance.
And if you think that he's my SO... WRONG.
Our relationship was a farce and served only to ruin our close friendship. I was, and still am, hurt by it. I was going through a breakdown while we were "dating" (for once, the naysayers are right in that our relationship wasn't very real). And he was in a bad way as well. Fun times, fun times.
He eventually realized he didn't love me and didn't want to be in a relationship with me, so he broke it off mere weeks before he was to come to see me. God that hurt.
I resigned as moderator of the forum because it hurt too much to work with my former friend.
He eventually tired of running the forum and handed the reins over to one of his good friends. I liked this guy, I'd seen him around the forums for years, but we never really interacted much -- until he took over. As these things usually go, it was a bit of a rough transition. This new owner had his own ideas about how the forum should be run, and not everyone was happy about it. I figured it was just a bump in the road, and told him so, but he misinterpreted what I said and thought I was criticising him, so I backed off.
I was still upset over what happened between my old friend and I, still going through the beginnings of a break down, and not dealing well with all the changes in the forum. I'd become pretty angry and a little crazy, and I had a blow up with my friends that divided us -- some on my side, some on the other. I was ashamed that I'd let myself become the center of this drama. I was really upset.
So I posted a long, rambling blog on the old forum, talking about how friendships were false, love meant nothing, and everything sucked. The new owner of the forum replied along the lines of, "I know my friend can be an idiot, and I'm sorry he hurt you. But he felt you are worth knowing, and as I trust his judgement, I feel you must be worth knowing. So if you'd like to talk, let me know."
I sent him a PM and that's where our friendship started.
He was married, so of course we were just friends. But we clicked well as friends, and eventually we were calling each other best friends. We talked all the time, and he supported me through my mental struggles. If felt wonderful to have such a good friend.
Last year I came into a bit of money and decided I'd take my mom to the UK, as she's an Anglophile and has never been. I told my friend I wanted to meet him.
So one night in the English countryside we met at a 700 year old inn. It was myself, my mother, my son, my friend, and his wife. We spent the night drinking and laughing. It was a wonderful night.
A few days later, they came to visit me in Salisbury after my mother and son had gone back to Chicago (I stayed two weeks longer than they did). We went out for curry and beer and talked and laughed and got locked behind the cathedral gates at night and I saw a shooting star over the towering spire of Salisbury Cathedral, and his wife held my hand to steady me and he held my arm, because I'd had too much to drink, and it was one of the best nights I've ever had.
And a couple days after that I traveled to their house and they took me to Avebury to see the stone circles and then we came back and had tea.
It felt so fulfilling to meet my friend and his wife; I felt like I had two new best friends.
Fast forward to this spring. After months of trouble, my friend and his wife decided to divorce. I was so very sad for them, and especially my friend. He had seen me through dark times -- he had supported me when I was at my worst. I wanted to do something for him, but didn't know what. Eventually I decided that since I still had a bit of money left, I'd go see him. I didn't have vacation time, so I could only go for a long weekend. But he was my best friend, so I never questioned how crazy that choice was.
About 2 months passed between the time his wife left and the first day of my visit.
After a 9 hour flight and a 2 hour drive, I got to his house, and he let me in. I could barely get my luggage set down before he had me in his arms holding me tight. We chatted a bit, he made me tea, and we settled on his couch to watch TV. He held me, I put my head on his shoulder, and we laced our fingers together. He kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes. I decided to kiss his cheek. But with my eyes closed, I missed. I hit his lips instead.
It was a sweet, warm kiss. Almost a friendship kiss. But there was more there and I think we both knew it. Because within a couple of hours, we were making out.
We spent the long weekend talking, kissing, laughing, messing around... and wondering what the hell we were doing. It felt right, it felt so right. But he was just getting out of a marriage, and there was all this water between us. When I left that weekend, we hadn't decided upon our status, we didn't know if this was something we wanted to do.
But within a few days of my arriving home, we realized it was meant to be. We are both realistic and know this isn't going to be easy, and that we have years before we can close the distance. But we fit so well together, we love each other so much, that we can't give up on this.
In about 2 weeks, he'll be visiting my world. It'll be the first time he's ever been to the States. And he's coming to see me. Isn't that crazy? A man is coming from over the ocean for me.
It must be love.
*smile*
We met through a fandom. The Joss Whedon fandom to be precise. The Firefly/Serenity/Browncoat fandom to be even more precise. This is how it happened.
Back in 2004 it was announced that a movie was being made from the cancelled TV show Firefly. It was being released by Universal, and they created a forum for the movie because Firefly had a strong online fanbase. I became pretty active on the forum, because there were a lot of cool people there, including a couple of the actors, and it felt like a really fun, close community. Now previous to being a part of this forum, I was a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of forum member. I might stick around a forum a month or two, but I'd generally lose interest and never stayed long enough to make friends. This forum was different. I was really active, and I found myself making actual friends on the board.
Serenity eventually came out, to less boxoffice than Universal had hoped, and they wanted to take the site down. It turns out one of the friends I'd become closest to actually ran the site for Universal, and he asked them if he could take ownership of the forum. They didn't allow that, but they did promote his new forum on the site. And he asked me to be a moderator.
Because he made me moderator, I had even more reason to stick around the forum. My friendships deepened, and I traveled to visit people from the forum. We went to conventions and sent Christmas cards to each other, we supported each other through good times and bad.
After a couple of years, my friend (the owner of the forum) and I, each going through rough patches in our lives, started to talk more, and started to look upon each other as more than friends. He was English, and thus long distance.
And if you think that he's my SO... WRONG.
Our relationship was a farce and served only to ruin our close friendship. I was, and still am, hurt by it. I was going through a breakdown while we were "dating" (for once, the naysayers are right in that our relationship wasn't very real). And he was in a bad way as well. Fun times, fun times.
He eventually realized he didn't love me and didn't want to be in a relationship with me, so he broke it off mere weeks before he was to come to see me. God that hurt.
I resigned as moderator of the forum because it hurt too much to work with my former friend.
He eventually tired of running the forum and handed the reins over to one of his good friends. I liked this guy, I'd seen him around the forums for years, but we never really interacted much -- until he took over. As these things usually go, it was a bit of a rough transition. This new owner had his own ideas about how the forum should be run, and not everyone was happy about it. I figured it was just a bump in the road, and told him so, but he misinterpreted what I said and thought I was criticising him, so I backed off.
I was still upset over what happened between my old friend and I, still going through the beginnings of a break down, and not dealing well with all the changes in the forum. I'd become pretty angry and a little crazy, and I had a blow up with my friends that divided us -- some on my side, some on the other. I was ashamed that I'd let myself become the center of this drama. I was really upset.
So I posted a long, rambling blog on the old forum, talking about how friendships were false, love meant nothing, and everything sucked. The new owner of the forum replied along the lines of, "I know my friend can be an idiot, and I'm sorry he hurt you. But he felt you are worth knowing, and as I trust his judgement, I feel you must be worth knowing. So if you'd like to talk, let me know."
I sent him a PM and that's where our friendship started.
He was married, so of course we were just friends. But we clicked well as friends, and eventually we were calling each other best friends. We talked all the time, and he supported me through my mental struggles. If felt wonderful to have such a good friend.
Last year I came into a bit of money and decided I'd take my mom to the UK, as she's an Anglophile and has never been. I told my friend I wanted to meet him.
So one night in the English countryside we met at a 700 year old inn. It was myself, my mother, my son, my friend, and his wife. We spent the night drinking and laughing. It was a wonderful night.
A few days later, they came to visit me in Salisbury after my mother and son had gone back to Chicago (I stayed two weeks longer than they did). We went out for curry and beer and talked and laughed and got locked behind the cathedral gates at night and I saw a shooting star over the towering spire of Salisbury Cathedral, and his wife held my hand to steady me and he held my arm, because I'd had too much to drink, and it was one of the best nights I've ever had.
And a couple days after that I traveled to their house and they took me to Avebury to see the stone circles and then we came back and had tea.
It felt so fulfilling to meet my friend and his wife; I felt like I had two new best friends.
Fast forward to this spring. After months of trouble, my friend and his wife decided to divorce. I was so very sad for them, and especially my friend. He had seen me through dark times -- he had supported me when I was at my worst. I wanted to do something for him, but didn't know what. Eventually I decided that since I still had a bit of money left, I'd go see him. I didn't have vacation time, so I could only go for a long weekend. But he was my best friend, so I never questioned how crazy that choice was.
About 2 months passed between the time his wife left and the first day of my visit.
After a 9 hour flight and a 2 hour drive, I got to his house, and he let me in. I could barely get my luggage set down before he had me in his arms holding me tight. We chatted a bit, he made me tea, and we settled on his couch to watch TV. He held me, I put my head on his shoulder, and we laced our fingers together. He kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes. I decided to kiss his cheek. But with my eyes closed, I missed. I hit his lips instead.
It was a sweet, warm kiss. Almost a friendship kiss. But there was more there and I think we both knew it. Because within a couple of hours, we were making out.
We spent the long weekend talking, kissing, laughing, messing around... and wondering what the hell we were doing. It felt right, it felt so right. But he was just getting out of a marriage, and there was all this water between us. When I left that weekend, we hadn't decided upon our status, we didn't know if this was something we wanted to do.
But within a few days of my arriving home, we realized it was meant to be. We are both realistic and know this isn't going to be easy, and that we have years before we can close the distance. But we fit so well together, we love each other so much, that we can't give up on this.
In about 2 weeks, he'll be visiting my world. It'll be the first time he's ever been to the States. And he's coming to see me. Isn't that crazy? A man is coming from over the ocean for me.
It must be love.
*smile*
So sweet. It's incredible how the situations that bring people together do. There's always that one defining moment and I feel like it's a bit more well-defined in LDRs due to their circumstances/the situation at hand. I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I never took the time to PM my partner, considering he was too shy/nervous to message me (we were both rather intimidated by the other!). But I suppose that's how fate works, isn't it? This made me smile, though. I'm so excited for you and your visit, as I'm sure it's going to be a blast! I think the opportunity to show your SO a new country is one perk of being in a LDR.
Comment