Closing the Distance but Living Apart for Awhile

[Sierra]

This isn't how I imagined it would go when closing the distance, but after careful thought, consideration, input from friends and family and a long discussion with my boyfriend, we've decided it would probably be best for me to find my own place when we close the distance in August/September.

We were planning on renting a house when my boyfriends lease is up (November) so I'll be renting the house first, and then he'll move in with me. Not only will this allow me to save on storage, it'll give me my own personal space if I feel overwhelmed by us being around each other 24/7.

Basically, it'll be an adjustment period. And the more I think about it, the better the idea sounds. It'll allow me to make some friends independent of him, allow me to adjust to alone time, and give me my own private space. Plus, I get to decorate! Haha!

Has anyone else done this, or what do you guys think of this idea? The part of me that doesn't want to do this is the part of me that is just afraid of being alone when I move there, but I know he and I will spend time together and probably almost every night together too.

[snow_girl]

I think it sounds like a good idea. It isn't a long or permanent thing and like you listed it will give you a chance to get on your own two feet there rather then relying on him. Even if you are spending nights together it will be nice to have a place to yourself if needed.

[mllebamako]

I haven't done this, but I think it sounds like a great idea. It can be a big shock going from LD to living together. This way, you'll get to adjust to a new place, have some independence, and kind of work your way slowly into living together.

[lucybelle]

Living "near" each other was exactly what I wanted to do when my SO and I closed the distance. I was so scared about living with him! I think it's a really good idea. Living with someone is never easy, whether it be your SO, mom, brother, friend, whatever.

[Sierra]

I've had really huge problems with roommates in the past and have never lived with a boyfriend before. I feel confident that we'll be fine, but like I said, living apart gives me a chance to kinda adjust. Plus, if we spend a good amount of time together it'll make the transition from being LD to living together easier instead of just throwing living together in the mix when we have never even had a chance to spend an extended amount of time together.

Mostly, I've been talking to my older cousin about it. She's now married with two children, but she keeps saying how important it is to me to have a place to escape. I've always been this way and I can see how the pressure of living together immediately could really cause my patience to run thin.

I'm glad (and kinda sad, it's a double edged sword) that my boyfriend thinks it's a good idea. He likes the idea that it'll save me money on storage and moving and allow us to have an adjustment period.

I don't want to smother him either, so being "on my own" will help us both from feeling overwhelmed. He WILL be moving into the home at the end of his lease, we've talked about a rental budget and I've been looking at what's available so I can get an idea of price ranges. It seems pretty doable.

[Moon]

My boyfriend and I talked about this and it's probably what we'll do, if we can. I like the idea of an adjustment period, especially when you aren't used to being constantly together all of the time, it takes some of that pressure off. There's nothing wrong with living apart at first, I think it's a great idea for anyone who can afford to do it.

[London-FortCollins]

I think its a really smart idea, and actually the fact that its only for a few months makes it even better. Especially as you know yourself and that not having a place to escape may be difficult to you.

Dont be sad that he thought it was a good idea. He's being supportive, and I'm sure is very much looking forward to having you CD and then moving in together soon after.

My xSO said a lot of problems stemmed from us not having a "normal progressional" relationship. Whether he was right or not, it was weird to go from never meeting, to a week together, LD, living together for 3 months (with flat mates), LD, getting engaged/living together for 3 months/LD etc Although I thought it was right for us (and maybe he did too) it wasnt what someone would call "natural progression". Anyway my point is it gives you more of the "natural relationship progression" which I think is a very positive thing.

[Jgui]

I haven't done this before but I think it's a great idea.. Since he will be close enough, you guys can do overnight stays to get comfortable with living with each other.