Is it foolish to move in together already?

[Off2Spain]

So, I've known my, now, boyfriend for over 4 years. He was my first true love but due to the distance (Im in Holland, hes in Spain) and our young age we decided not to pursue anything. So he and I both went on with our lives, though we still regulary spoke to each other and saw each other about once a year.

A few months ago he was in holland again and we met up for some coffee. We stayed there talking for many hours and there was this amazing click. However I was with a boyfriend for three years at the time so I didn't do anything with that click. After he went back to Spain he told me he fell deeply in love with me again and I started to have feelings for him too. Though as confused as I was I didnt know what to do. I of course ended things with my boyfriend as it wouldn't be fair to him to continue our relationship. However I still was very confused until one day he showed up (he booked a ticket on impulse without telling me) at my front door with a bunch of roses. He really convinced me and took away all of my worries.

So now, I'm planning on doing my internships in Spain in september and stay there for about 6 to 8 months. Im already looking for a room there, but my boyfriend tells me I can stay with him in his apartement and that he really would like me to live with him. what do you think, is this too early?

[Lilly9886]

I don't think it's too early, but you have to know for yourself if you feel comfortable with it! If you want to experience how life with him would be, why not? If it's not working out, you can always move out (first hotel or something while looking for a flat).
Why not try it?

I moved in after 8 months with my bf when I went to his city to study there for a year. It was the best decision.

[Off2Spain]

Oh really?! Im glad it worked out so well for you!
Well maybe I just shouldn't think too much about the what ifs and just go for it. I've never lived with anyone before so it will defenitely be an experience to learn from!
He seems really sure about everything, he's already talking about getting married and having children. I told him that I dont want to think about those things anytime soon hehe, I will be studying for many more years (medicine so..) but I would really like to look into the posibilities of doing my residencies there!

[Lilly9886]

You should just go for it! If you're good together, it will work!
And you know each other so long already! so you can really trust him too!

I think it's a great idea, and perfect for closing the distance for a few months.

I've never lived with another person before that either . But it's a good life-experience I would say!

I think it's sweet that he is talking about your future..

[meganpillow]

I think it's a great idea! If you are comfortable with it, then I don't see anything wrong with it. Yes, definitely focus on your studies though, don't get too caught up ;P
Also I think you will learn a lot more about your boyfriend once you move in with him, so I think its a safe stepping stone into your relationship.

Make sure to tell us how it all goes!!

[lucybelle]

My SO moved in with me after only having been together in person for maybe 3 weeks. And we've gotten along just fine. What I think you need to do is have a BACK UP PLAN. What if you don't like living with him, but still want to be a couple? What will you do? What if you break up? Will you stay in Spain? Will you be able to afford living on your own? Have a real conversation about this, even if it is unpleasant. That way *just in case* anything happens, you'll be prepared. Have fun!

[dukes2011]

I'd say go for it too, but completely agree with lucybelle that you need a backup plan. You are being very smart and sensible by thinking it through and it also sounds like you're putting education first which is awesome. I studied in Spain for a semester and I miss it so much!! It's a really neat country.

[Off2Spain]

Thanks for your replies and I agree, I really need a back up plan. As to the housing it's hard to arrange that knowing I probably wont need it and being in the netherlands. What I can do is talk to my SO very seriously about this and see where he stands. However I don't think housing will be very hard to arrange in spain as their economy is really going down the hill.
If we were to break up I'd defenitely stay in Spain and finish off my internship. It's not just him why I'm going there I simply love the country and I think I could survive there on my own. I already speak Spanish fluently so that should make it easier to arrange new housing etc.

If I pass all of my exams this year and dont have to repeat one in august then I am maybe coming to Spain in june already just to see what its like living with him. If things dont work out I still have plenty of time to arrange a new room somewhere as I start my internship in september.

Thank you for the input! Im so excited to be living abroad! =D

[Off2Spain]

So I talked to him about it yesterday. I asked him what would happen if I needed more space and wanted to live somewhere else. He told me he simply couldn't imagine me living somewhere else in the same city and that he would find it hard accepting this. He somehow seems a bit afraid that I will then find someone else to be with. I told him this had nothing to do with finding someone else but with me being 22 and maybe, just maybe not being ready to setttle down like that. And then the conversation turned around real quick. He is quite scared to be losing me once i'm in spain because of the attention I would get from other men as I apparently have a very northern european appearance (pale skin, red hair and blue eyes). I really don't know how to take away his worries. I've tried to convince him that I love him and not some random guy on the street that would make a comment. I really hope he won't get too overprotecting once I'm there and that this is the reason he want me to live with him!

[lucybelle]

Hmm yeah that makes me worry. If he's constantly asking where you are or who you're with, that can be a controlling nature. Does he trust you in your home country? Then he should trust you in Spain too. Tell him "what, you think guys here don't think I'm pretty too?" But really, try to make light of it. If it seems like he's being too controlling I definitely think it would be best to move into your own place first.

[elina]

He really should accept/respect the fact that you might want your own space. After all, you might not even know that it's too soon for you until you get to experience it. Or like lucybelle said, maybe you should discuss getting your own place first and then think about moving in with him later, once you're used to seeing each other several times a week, living close and all. And maybe spend the weekends under the same roof..?

Try not to let him push you into doing something you're not comfortable with. It's you who's moving, after all.

[Off2Spain]

He's never been controlling at all, whatsoever. And he's never ever talked to me like he did last night. He told me that he has a friend who's girlfriend went on exchange to belgium. The Girlfriend fell in love with a Belgian and hes now a little apprehensive the same will happen with me. But in general he's very laid back, he doesnt care when if I go out partying at night or anything.
If he gets too controlling I will defenitely look for some other place to live. I will just talk about this face to face when he gets here next week

[digitalfever]

My SO moved in with me after only having been together in person for maybe 3 weeks. And we've gotten along just fine. What I think you need to do is have a BACK UP PLAN. What if you don't like living with him, but still want to be a couple? What will you do? What if you break up? Will you stay in Spain? Will you be able to afford living on your own? Have a real conversation about this, even if it is unpleasant. That way *just in case* anything happens, you'll be prepared. Have fun!

This.

[lonelyinlove]

i think it a perfect idea. What a great way to make up for lost time as well to see how it would feelto actual live tgether and know if you two can put up with each others bad habits...