Advice Welcome

[KhaleesiCarrie]

Hello! My name is Carrie and I have been in an LDR for the past four years. I am in the United States and he is in the United Kingdom. We have always planned on being together in person and spending the rest of our lives together. Things happened in both of our lives that made that process take longer than either of us would have liked. My situation has changed and has made the need and desire for us to start our life together more important. The process needs to speed up for us. We discussed visa fees, living situations and so on. In the end we decided that my moving to England would be the best way to go about things.

It is ironic because we had planned for him to come and visit me in the United States for this year. We have decided that we will carry on with that plan and have a nice visit. The twist is that we will be getting married during his visit. Then he will return to the United Kingdom and continue to save and prepare things for when I come over. We have looked into the spousal visa and the process ahead of us. It is pretty straight forward and we are content that we will be approved. The only speed bump in our road is the financial requirements. My fiance has been out of work for a while due to the economic situation where he lives. He has been having assistance to get him through until he can find a position. But in order to sponsor me he needs to go off assistance and support himself on his own income. Then he has to have enough left over to support me.

I can also contribute but I have been out of work myself. But I am working just as hard to find a job and contribute. I have a small business that I started and it is making a small profit but not enough to support either of us. I will be selling many of my things because 1) The income from the sales will be great. It can help with visa fees, savings and so on. 2) It makes more sense to down size because I do not want to have to ship a lot of things across the ocean. I only want to start my life over again with the things I need or are important to me. But again... that will not meet the requirements. At this point both of us are looking for work. (We have between us sent out over 200 applications in the past month.) We are committed to making our relationship work.

Is anyone else feeling the financial pinch or having a hard time finding a job? It is so hard because people seem to think you are a bum if you don't have a job or if you are struggling to find one. Neither of us want a hand out from anyone. We want to be able to support ourselves and have a small and modest life together. As a couple we made a website and yes there is an option to donate to a paypal account to help us out. But it is optional and it clearly states that it is not something that is needed. The point of the website is to let people know our story and a way for friends and family to send us comments and emails with love and support. We need all of the prayers, love and support we can get right now.

I have been a quiet member here for a while. But I wanted to share our story and see if anyone had any ideas or suggestions. If not at least our story would be out there and maybe our dedication to one another and our determination to make things work will inspire someone else. We love one another and our relationship means the world to us both.

Thank you for reading.

-Carrie

[greensweatergirl]

I can empathize with not having a job. I left a good job back in August, hoping to start a new life in my home country (my job had been ESL teaching abroad). When I returned home I got a part-time job tutoring with the promise of 15 hours a week (I was studying as well), and got a total of 3 hours one time in two months. After countless e-mails and telephone calls with the company I quit and started looking for work again. I got one interview with the government (who I had worked for before) and they rejected me, despite having a reference from them. The economy is terrible right now. I understand how hard it is. No one likes to feel like a bum, and I think a job gives you a sense of identity - if only that you are a working, contributing member of society. When you don't have that behind you, it's easy to feel down. But I'm in the same boat as you, and lots of people are as well. To feel better I tell myself that I am not an unemployed bum, I'm just currently out of work. I've found work before, and I'll find it again. The world can only kick you in the teeth for so long before something good happens.

Your ideas for money are great, and very practical. I think in a way you're in an advantageous position having an online business. If you can keep growing it, and show how it's making money over time, you have something to show the UK Border Agency when you apply to go over. You won't be a person coming over who needs to look for work - you'll already be working. That should strengthen your application. And if you have savings from selling stuff all the better.

I've just started looking at spousal visas for the UK as well, as the UK visa I have is only good for two years (I'm moving there next week). Me and my SO's plan is to get married near the end of those two years and then apply for a spousal visa, as I wouldn't be able to work on a fiancee one. I've only just started looking at the requirements, and I think the application process isn't as scary as it looks - the UK Border Agency just sucks and makes the whole thing seem confusing because their website is poorly organized. It doesn't even say how much you need in funds - only that you need 27 month's worth, which is incredibly vague. But from everything I've read on various forums it seems they only expect about 105 pounds a week after rental/utility/loan payments. That's not an insane requirement. As to ideas:

1. Get a room in a house with other people.

Rent will be cheaper, and I'm pretty sure that as long as you have a room of your own it's acceptable to the Border Agency. Check the UBA website though.

2. Move to a cheaper city.

I know it would be much more difficult to meet the maintenance funds if we were living in an expensive city, like London. Luckily my boyfriend is from Northampton, which is much cheaper. Since your boyfriend is currently not tied down to a job, this may be something to consider.

3. Get someone to write you a letter.

I think I read on the UK Border Agency website that you can include a letter in your application from someone who would be willing to cover expenses if it came to the point where you couldn't support yourself. If your boyfriend has a close friend or relative in the UK who would be willing to help you out, that would probably strengthen your application. I'm considering asking my parents to write one for me, even though I'd never ask them for help in a million years.

You sound like a very dedicated and caring girlfriend. And you're in a rough spot. I know from American friends that visa processes for you guys are total nightmares generally. But if your relationship means the world to you, you'll get through. It just might mean it takes more time than you had hoped. Your boyfriend will find a job, whether sooner or later. The older I get the more I realize how much luck plays into finding work - it's your application being sent in on the right day, getting the right interviewer, having a friend mention an opening...and everybody's number eventually comes up. Yours will too. So will mine.

Good luck with everything, keep us updated.