Moving even further away =(

[Belle]

Every time i see J i become more and more in love with him. He is a great and loving man. The way he was with me when we were friends was sooo cute. He even carried me to the third floor after accidentally stepping on me one day. Im not a light girl lol. The more we talked on the phone after he left, the more i realized what a silly and romantic boy he was. He confessed he loved me and won me over soon enough. My love for him changed into that of a bf/gf kinda way. Even so far away from each other, i feel hard for him. I just graduated from college in New Orleans and am spending summer in Los Angeles. Im super exited to be able to see him soon <3.
The problem is that in August i will be moving to NY for medical school. I know im going to be way more busy and that we will have a harder time visiting each other. Tickets to NY are a lot more expensive than a bus to los angeles =/. I was thinking of how great it would be to move in together which he has talked about before. Problem is that i wont be able to hold a job while in school. I dont really want him paying for everything until i graduate. I also dont want to take the relationship to fast. Any suggestions on how to keep our relationship good while still being apart for a while? Or anyone from NY with some insight on close and cheaper places to live? It would be nice to move in together in a year or so.

[Thad]

So I've been in a similar situation having know my SO for about 4 months in a close distance relationship in Las Vegas before I moved to Massachusetts to go to graduate school. That was two years ago, and we're still going strong. It is very important that you both discuss the situation and your expectations from one another. For example, how often do you need to talk on the phone or skype? My SO and I try to at least talk on the phone once a day. There have been a couple of times in the last two years where she traveled out of the country and we were out of contact. That was really difficult, but we worked through it because we knew it would only lat the week or so she was gone. Its really important to figure what you each of you need, and balance your needs because they'll likely be different. Remember that quantity of talking doesn't equal quality.

Another important question to ask yourselves is how often you need to see each other? In my experience, we decided that we need to see each other at least once a month. That is difficult to say the least when that means one of us taking a 6 hour flight across the country each way. It has also been difficult to fit into our busy schedules -- she works as a teacher full time and I am attending a very demanding graduate program. Overall, we've stayed with that goal. I think the longest we've gone between seeing each other is 6 weeks, but more often its only about 3 or 4. Deciding together to see each other once a month and sticking to that goal has helped us to have a very successful long distance relationship.

As you can see, I can feel your pain with the travel costs. Here is a bit of advice to cope with that. I recommend flying with Southwest (or other discount carrier of your choice). It is very easy to earn free trips, and they have amazing costumer service. Also, you can book months in advance (which I highly recommend) and if you need to cancel you flight you can use the money you paid toward a future flight within a year with no penalty. That is huge. There have been a number of times when we couldn't be totally certain of a date to see each other so we booked more than one flight in advance and cancelled the one we didn't use and used the money for a later flight. If you can, get a frequent flier credit card. Again I would recommend Southwest. My SO has one and it has been invaluable in earning points towards free travel to see each other. (For full disclosure, I am not nor have ever been an employee of Southwest, I'm just an amazingly satisfied customer.)

Hope these things are helpful! Best of luck with your LDR, and med school!

[lunamea]

I think you could do both and one way probably won't be so much cheaper than the other (if you want to visit on a regular basis.) If you can't afford/don't have time to go back and forth for visits, continuing the LDR is certainly better financially and if you think you can tone down your visits and still be okay, that's great. Then again, you have known him for a long time already (even though only as a friend), so moving in could work, too, if you feel ready for it. Usually, living together is cheaper than living on your own/in a dorm and I guess you could at least contribute the money for food that you'd be spending anyway (I'm assuming you don't have everything covered at your school). He could pay most of the daily costs as long as you are still in school and once you're done, you can switch and you'll pay most for a few years. My husband and I have done it this way: when he didn't have a job, I paid the rent and food for 2 years and ever since he started work, he's paying for everything - after "his" 2 years are up, we'll share the costs if I'm already working (if not, he'll probably keep paying some more and I'll pay him back once I start work.) It's really not that big of a deal if you trust each other. But I guess it's most important that you feel comfortable with the idea of living together.
Good luck! Let us know what you decide to do!

[Belle]

Thank you guys. Ive definitely been thinking a lot about it but haven't decided on anything yet. I'm really considering asking him to move in with me but itll still be some time until he can save up. Ill check on southwest in the mean time and definitely consider getting a rewards card of some sort.
Lunamea: Knowing each other as friends for a long while has really been an advantage. I know that it will be a good deal to live with him and he really wants to. We are probably going to have to wait a bit for him to save up and maybe visit at least once to find a job and see if he likes the NY.
Thanks for all the luck and ill post again when i see him in late June =)!