Help... moving out etc

[MadMolly]

As some of you may know, Dave moved up to be with me in late February this year. It was fantastic at first, we didn't want to live together but money reasons made it the best idea, and it was actually really nice fr a while. But then I started seeing a side to him that I did not like. He lies... a lot. about other girls. To me, to other girls.
He started talking to this one girl really romantically and sexually and at first I didn't care because I didn't think anything of it. but then she started to really fall for him... and he was leading her on, encouraging her, feeding her everything she wanted to hear. I put my foot down after they went drinking together and he ended up hugging her and feeling her up. He refused to stop talking to her. There are a million other things going on too; she had absolutely no clue he had a girlfriend and went apeshit at ME (?) when she found out. I can't go into everything right now but she is not the only girl this is happening with.

So I have decided to leave. This kills me. I actually physically can't bear to do this. My bags are halfheartedly packed and have been fr a while but every time I try to leave he begs me and hugs me and promises me he will change, that I'm his love, his perfect woman, etc etc. Basically convinces me to stay.

How do I get out of here?

[Rach321]

I'm very sorry Molly- It does sound like you need to get out of there. If you don't, things like this will just keep happening. Make a date to move out. Ask your friends/family to help, so when it comes to be the day/time, you won't be alone and they can help you to stay focused on what you need to do.

I can't tell you what you relationship will hold. Perhaps moving out will mean the end, perhaps it won't. But definitely you cannot continue being in a situation that is so hurtful to you.

Wishing you all the best!

[Gurl]

*hugs* Molly. You know me..and I am going to be blunt. You KNOW the promises to change will turn out to be lies so STOP buying them. You are more miserable with him at this point than you will be by leaving. Get your bags, Walk out the door and take some time for YOU. Then you can worry about your relationship and other matters. Its time to put yourself FIRST, my friend. I know it will be hard and hurt like hell...but continuing to live with this will hurt more and longer. Best of luck hun..we are all here for you.

[MadMolly]

It's just so hard to accept he's lying to me. I thought I knew this guy so well. I totally thought he was my all and everything I ever needed. I don't know what happened to that guy who only seems to pop up every now and then now.

[lunamea]

I'm so sorry, Molly. I totally understand that you can't leave when he's begging you and making promises - I don't think I'd have the strength either. Even though your mind realizes that he won't keep his promises, your heart wants to believe that he will this time. I've never actually had to do this, but I think the advice the others gave is useful. It seems like you've given him quite some second chances, so I think being firm about a date to move out and actually planning it through would be good.

I'm totally with you on not understanding how you could have misjudged his character so much - I've done his a lot, too. I'm generally not a good judge of character and with many people in my life (whether love interests or just friends), I've had this awful moment of realization where I go "who is this person I've been with/been friends with for so long? I don't recognize them at all!". I don't think it's any less painful if people just change over time, but it makes you feel like an idiot if you discover they are so different from what you thought - in both cases, you feel like you should've known somehow. Well, there are a lot of things you simply can't know and I know it hurts to think that way, but at least you found out in time. Also, it's not like you haven't given him a heads up about this before - I think you've been half-moved-out for some time now and he realized how serious this is. He knew that if he wants to be with you, he needs to stick to his word and he didn't. Actions speak louder than words and if you don't see him changing, then it might be good to at least get some distance. I don't think it would be wrong to leave when he was not there (if possible) and talk to him later on. You'll at least have made that decision and then you can go from there. I wish you all the strength there is!

[MadMolly]

I don't think he ever changed... I think I just didn't see a lot of this because we were long distance. It breaks my heart but I'm starting to think if we were never long distance, I would have found this all out a long time ago and not have gotten in so deep. but I don't know. I can't regret stuff now. I'm going to try and see if moving out is an option... like ease into a breakup for his sake.

[MadMolly]

I moved out tonight. The pain is overwhelming

[ioanna]

Molly, i'm sorry youre going through this.. i'm at loss for words... i hope you feel better soon..
*hugs*

[Rach321]

All I can say is that I'm really thinking of you.. My heart hurts for you, and I know it has to be unbearably hard. Just remember that the pain does subside, even if it feels it never will. Hugs!

[lunamea]

*hugs* And kudos for mustering the strength to do it!

I don't think he ever changed... I think I just didn't see a lot of this because we were long distance. It breaks my heart but I'm starting to think if we were never long distance, I would have found this all out a long time ago and not have gotten in so deep. but I don't know. I can't regret stuff now. I'm going to try and see if moving out is an option... like ease into a breakup for his sake.

I wouldn't blame only the LD, though. My mom's first husband cheated on her for a whole year before she found out... they lived together, he was home punctually every evening, they didn't fight and had sex just as before... sometimes, there just are no tell-tale "signs". Some people are just good at deception, no matter how close you are physically. That's why I said it's good you found out now. I hope you manage not to have regrets. All the best!

[Zephii]

*Big hugs* Good on you for having the courage, even though it must hurt like hell. Try not to beat yourself up over any of this, you're a wonderful beautiful person and this pain wont last forever.

[punkpain]

I am so sorry to hear about all of this... what a rotten way for things to turn out. I have a million fears that things with me and my s/o are going to be horrible when i move to Michigan to be with him. But as you well know, we all have to take a chance and see where it leads. I truely wish you the best and know that there is a good man waiting for you out there. Dont give up hun.

[Tanja]

Awwwww Molly, I'm so sorry

Whatever happens do not blame yourself or think you did something wrong cause you didn't. It is impossible to really truly know a person when you're long distance, you'll just have to throw your heart out there and trust that person. Sometimes they are worthy of your trust and it all ends up well but sometimes they break your heart into pieces when they're not the person you thought they were.

I hope the pain eases soon, I've been through a couple of break-ups after long relationships and it's never easy but IT WILL GET BETTER. You just have to stay strong until it does. He does not deserve you or your love or your tears, the way he treated you is unacceptable.

You made the right decision by leaving and saving yourself from anymore pain and lies and you will be better off without him. Your Mr. right is still somewhere looking for you and you will find him when the time is right ♥

[Gurl]

*hugs* Well done Molly... I know it hurts, but I know you can come through it. I echo the sentiments above, esp Zephiis.. You're a wonderful person...hold that close and remember you have each of us when and if you need to vent.

[MadMolly]

Arrrgh you guys. This is so hard. He texts me every night saying "I can't sleep. Miss your company. Miss you. Miss my molly" etc etc and it's SO HARD trying to stay in bed instead of jumping into a taxi and running into his arms. I just have to keep thinking this heartache is all because of what he has done.