For those with kids...has anyone closed the distance or are currently planning now???

[rsvpnj]

Hi Everyone,

My SO (soultroll) and I have decided that we're going to make it our goal to close the distance this coming September.

Our main concern is the fact that I'm not alone in the move. I also bring with me, my 10 & 11 year-old daughters.

I was hoping for some advice from those who have closed the distance or are planning to. Please feel free to comment even if you don't have kids. I will take all the advice I can get. Although, I did live with him temporarily with him this past summer (without kids), I have only ever lived here in New Jersey.

Thanks in advance!!!

[iakai]

Have your daughters met your SO before? If not, maybe it would be nice if you could have like a family pre-move-in meeting and he could try and make a good impression? I know that a lot of times that's not possible because of the distance. Does your SO already have kids as well?

If you haven't already told your daughters, I would suggest you NOT telling your daughters until your plans are set in stone. It's hard for kids to deal with "might be/may be moving". It was confusing for me when I was kid if I thought I would be moving but wasn't sure - not sure if you're gonna see your friends after the summer etc, doesn't sound like a big deal but for a kid it can cause quite a bit of stress (the uncertainty). It's also kind of embarrassing if you tell all your classmates you are moving but end up returning after the summer.

If the move does happen, I guess maybe you and your SO need to plan some light hearted activities to help them familiarize? Like a fun visit to a museum, or playing board games together?

Just speaking from experience, my siblings and I usually had to help unpack (takes at least a few days with all our junk), then a few days later we would be off to school.

I'm not sure if you and your SO are the type to visit schools with your daughters? My mom used to just take a day and visit some schools herself, and voila! She will have decided. A couple of days later we're off to school. It's good to have a little time to adjust but it's also important to get kids into a routine as soon as possible.

P.S I don't have kids and won't be having any anytime soon! So feel free to say so if you think any of my thoughts are misguided

[Dauntedpoet]

Hi Tanya,

I know you've been there with the kids before, but the biggest suggestion I can give you is visit as often as possible with the kids. Know the resources for the kids in the area, parks and recreation department, dance classes, girl scout council ect. Make sure you and your SO have your own rules negotiated between the two of you in advance.. IE.. Will he be giving them verbal directions/correction (chores or reminders to do chores) or telling you and letting you do it? Talk to the girls about it , let them know the house rules and encourage questions.

I'm taking my daughter to my SO's for the first time this fall and he's been lining up all sorts of things for her to do, for us to do together as a family, and even arranged for his 14 year old niece to baby sit.. We had to negotiate the 'rules of interaction' when she was 3 his first long term visit.. only because he was soooooooo nervous he'd screw up. lol.

I'm so happy for you hugs!