I really dont know what to do and need advice.

[CandiCandi]

Okay, my boyfriend and I agreed we were closing the distance probably in July. However, some massive drama involving my stepdad happened this morning. This is no one's fault, but my stepdad's. No one's.

I went to Wisconsin in April as a trial run. I was gonna stay if I got a job or could manage to make some miracle happen. However, it didn't and couldn't happen. My boyfriend and I brain stormed countless ways I could stay. His brother and brother's girlfriend want him out already and have already said I couldn't stay with them. I anonymously made a post about making a surprise visit and now I almost feel like forced into closing the distance and actually pulling this surprise visit shit. But, it's not the way I'd like it to be if I did. To be honest, part of me still thinks that's a good idea, the other part thinks that I need to talk about it to my boyfriend. Now, here's where things got hectic this morning..

I was asleep. I sleep pretty deeply. My mom asked me if I heard my stepdad yelling. I said no. She said he was talking about how I don't work, I sleep all day, I don't help financially and I stay up all night. None of these are true. I work at home, for the time being. He knows I have an interview on Tuesday. He isn't at home to know if I did or did not sleep during the day, which I don't. He thinks I'm sleeping all day because I'm in my room so often. The reason why is he got mad that I was staying in the living room so often. So, what gives? Now, helping them financially, this also isn't true. While I am not paying rent, it's because they want me out and want me to save to leave. I pay my phone bill, which I didn't even want. I pay for a computer sometimes that I don't even use (my mom is renting out a laptop). I buy my personal items (tampons, etc). I buy chocolate for him sometimes (and while that's not "financial help", it's still doing something for him). I buy food for them from time to time. When they didn't live in this house, they lived in an apartment, I gave them money for their rent countless times. He's been giving my 38 year old sister $500/weekly and will not tell anybody what it's for. She's married and we don't have a clue what my 38 year old sister needs it for. He told my mom "I'm not giving your daughter another dime until I see one from her." He was talking about how when I left, I was freaking out that I didn't have the means to come home if I needed to. He said he'd help, but he didn't. My mom saved up and gave me $200.00 and asked me to lie (I'm sorry) and say that my boyfriend gave it to me so he wouldn't flip out, like he is ANYWAYS. So, I lied. My boyfriend agreed to go along with it, even though it made us both uncomfortable. The staying up late thing is because I talk to my boyfriend at night. It's the one thing that is actually true, but I keep telling my mom they can screw off (to a nicer degree, of course, but I'm typing this out of frustration) if they want me to give that up. It won't happen.

I have also lived in this house longer than any of them. It's my grandparents property. They want to sell it by October-November, which is fine. That was enough time to close the distance. Tomorrow night isn't. They had custody of me growing up. They moved out in 2009 when my great-grandma got ill and left me behind. I have lived in this house since I was two years old. I lived in it for nine months by myself before they moved in. My stepdad is driving my grandparents car, not even his own when he could have gotten a new one years ago.

It doesn't seem to matter, he's flipping out anyway. He said if I haven't moved with my boyfriend by the end of the year, he's divorcing my mom and going back to Mexico. My mom's sick of him anyway and has been talking about divorce for awhile now, but to drag me into this is really pissing me off. Before I left, my boyfriend and I agreed that the next visit needs to be me closing the distance. No more visits, no anything. Just. Close. The. Distance.

I have an interview Tuesday and this is when my stepdad starts to freak out. I know if I don't get this job, though, I am going to have to figure something out about moving out of here. I don't really socialize much with people in town and the only one I do talk to is someone I reunited with -yesterday- who has two kids (a newborn) so I can't be her roommate. The other option is to live with my grandparents, temporarily, but they argue to an unhealthy degree in front of my dying great-grandmother. We've raised about $130 and every bit of my boyfriend's check this week has to go towards paying his ex-girlfriend back, getting new jeans (seriously this NEEDS to happen, he's been wearing one pair repeatedly), a phone (another need-to-happen) and his check was much smaller than he expected it to be this week so he won't be putting anything into our savings until two weeks from now.

For me, July's okay. I mean, I miss my boyfriend a lot, but I want to be financially ready, but my stepdad is PISSED and LIVID I came back home, even though when I was in Wisconsin, my mom talked about how depressed he was that I was gone! Like, wtf! He basically wants me to get back on a bus and just wing it. He doesn't understand that's not how it works here. That's how I become homeless and stay in the Salvation Army. I know my boyfriend wouldn't leave me behind, but his brother and brother's girlfriend are not down for another roommate. My family doesn't understand why they aren't being hospitable but I get it. My boyfriend was only supposed to stay with them three months, he turned it into a year. They don't want me to do the same.

It's just frustrating. What am I supposed to do? My stepdad wants me and him to close the distance overnight and god I wish it was possible, but he's living in dream land if he thinks it is. If I get this job, it's temporary. When my mom told me this, I just sat there and was like "I guess I'll save to stay in a hotel again and piss everyone off up there." and was almost crying when I said it. I wrote my boyfriend a long letter on Facebook about all of it. His text this morning said "Try not to let anything get you down on our anniversary" because I have been super depressed lately and I felt bad, but I can't NOT let my boyfriend know what's going on.

[kirbycat]

Aw hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm in a similar living situation with my parents right now - though thankfully they're very supportive - but I can sympathize with the frustration of being accused of not contributing financially. Your stepdad's behavior sounds like it's completely out of line.

Would it be possible for you to do your current at-home work from Wisconsin, or is it tied to your location? If you can, I'd suggest moving up there as soon as possible, find a cheap place to live with your boyfriend, and continue working from home while you look for a permanent job. It'd be tough, but probably better than your current situation.

I'm not sure what else to suggest. Just hang in there and keep being proactive about saving money and finding a job/apartment in Wisconsin.

Does your SO fully understand your situation? Even if he's under financial strain, he should be doing as much as you (if not in terms of saving money, then at least in looking for a better living arrangement, or whatever else needs doing) towards getting that distance closed.

In the meantime, happy anniversary, and I hope you're able to enjoy the day as much as possible!

[CandiCandi]

Yes, I can do the work up there. However, our situation is basically we don't have a $1000 deposit for an apartment. That's what we're saving for. My boyfriend doesn't know about this situation just yet. He knows that I need to be out of here by October-November, but he doesn't know what happened this morning because he doesn't get off work until four and he won't be home for awhile. He will see it when he gets home, though. He is doing what he can. He's the math part of our relationship. Like I said, this paycheck was not able to go into our situation. He's got to pay his ex-girlfriend/mother of his kids back, which I'm fine with. He needs a pair of jeans. He literally is wearing the same pair of jeans every day to work and it makes me feel kind of sad for him. He needs a phone because between me and the mother of his kids and his brother, we all need to be able to contact him. I need to be able to do so if something happens while I'm on the way up there. The mother of his kids needs to be able to in case something happens with the kids or she needs him to watch them. His brother needs to because it's his brother and that's who he lives with for the time being. Also, his job needs to be able to get a hold of him without calling his brother's phone. We all have his brother's phone number, but needless to say, it's a bit inconvenient. He's been phoneless for almost three months now. All of those are pretty important and his check was way less than what both of us expected. He's also getting groceries for his kids when they stay over and stuff for himself to eat as well. He's not gonna be left with much this next week. He'll be putting money into the savings next paycheck, for sure, though. He also does some side work at home and is putting that into our savings.

I am sure that he's just going to say "We're trying, hang in there for me." or something to that degree on Facebook, but we'll end up talking about it in greater detail during our dinner. It kind of sucks. I made a point of it to warn my mom for weeks, no one start shit on May 11th. Sure enough, someone started shit. =( Like I said, my only concern is saving the $1000 deposit for somewhere to live. He gave me an Apartment ConeXtion magazine before I left and had me look at the stuff I liked. I talk to him about certain places. We're basically trying to find something close to his work. I liked the Northside that we stayed in, but he kept having to take the bus to work and between having to get up earlier than he would if he was closer, there's money put into it as well. Although, the bus is cheaper in Wisconsin than it is where I live currently. Anyway, that's besides the point...he's helping. I'm doing my part. But it feels like the harder we try, the more we're criticized. My boyfriend just started a job and everything, I just got an interview and here we are...it's still not good enough for some people around us.

The cheapest thing I found we could do is stay at a hotel (which I mentioned in the anonymous post about the surprise visit) that is $600 a month. However, I have cats. He has kids. He already wasn't comfortable bringing them into the hotel we stayed at and it was a pretty decent environment. Still, the cops actually did come into the hotel one night and had we had the kids with us, they may or may not have tripped out on that. I don't want that for his kids or my animals. I want something better for them all and I know he does too. We found the Sleeping Rooms which was $275 / monthly, but we can only have one person go and to be honest, it sounded kind of shady.