<3 Moving Home/In

[MAB15]

So I am done my undergrad in 53 days so I will be moving back home very soon to move in with my S/O again. We lived together the summer before I moved and have been in LDR for about 9 months now, been in a relationship for almost 2 years. (: I just have a few questions for those of you who will be closing the distance or have closed the distance.

I am just wondering after you've moved back and been together for a while, for you, what were the benefits of doing LD? What were the negatives after the distance was closed (if there were any)? What are/were your greatest concerns about closing the distance?

I am really looking forward to living with him again and having his presence in the same place as me all the time, we really enjoyed living together and we worked so well as a team! Before I moved we didn't have much independent time because we were both dealing with the transition period of me leaving so we wanted to spend as much time together as possible. I know that when I move back it will be different but I just want some people to share some stories on how it was different for them (or if it wasn't different).

Thanks!!

Moni

[Zephii]

Congrats! Must be very exciting for you ^^

We never moved back in, never having been CD to start with, but I'll reply anyway.
The benifits of having been LD for us are... I can't really think of any LD was normal for us though, being international.
The negatives? There don't seem to be many. We don't talk as much or with the same depth and we both miss it, but with real life intruding and other simpler ways to spend time together our discussions are not as intense as they once were.
My greatest concerns were to do with how I'd cope being in a new country, not really how being with Obi would go. And keeping it closed >.>

I wasn't helpful, but I'm still happy for you.

[Zephii]

Congrats! Must be very exciting for you ^^

We never moved back in, never having been CD to start with, but I'll reply anyway.
The benifits of having been LD for us are... I can't really think of any LD was normal for us though, being international.
The negatives? There don't seem to be many. We don't talk as much or with the same depth and we both miss it, but with real life intruding and other simpler ways to spend time together our discussions are not as intense as they once were.
My greatest concerns were to do with how I'd cope being in a new country, not really how being with Obi would go. And keeping it closed >.>

I wasn't helpful, but I'm still happy for you.

[lpuckett]

Ive been close distance and long distance, moving in with him in a few months permanently. To me, there are no concerns AT ALL about moving in together. After 4 months apart the first time we grew and learned so much that the long distance relationship no longer has its perks/advantages. Long distance is just something that should be ended. If you find "negatives" in a close distance realtionship, you have to make some changes.. if you find yourself spending more time than you think is healthy with your SO then get motivated to get involved with something else too or find new friends, make it work, negatives shouldn't exist, relationships are not meant to be better off over distance. (though you can learn a lot with a bit of distance, but that usually happens right away so distance is no longer an advantage)
Thats my opinion.
Congrats! and good luck!

[lunamea]

I haven't closed the distance yet, but my flight to go back home is tomorrow, so I'll soon know better, I guess. I can already tell you my biggest concerns, though. While I was away, my husband started meeting up with his friends A LOT more than he did when we lived together, so I'm really worried he'll keep that up. He did say that he wants more time to himself/to spend with his friend and we almost broke up over fighting over this and other issues. I'm not sure I can give him as much space as he wants (without feeling unloved and picking fights/nagging/being depressed) because in the past, we've spent sooo much time together (the first year of our marriage, it was basically 24/7 as he was unemployed and had no friends and I "only" studied... it was so "bad" even the neighbors noticed and said how they never saw either of us on their own!). Anyway, I kinda miss that time and would like it back and he wouldn't. To the contrary, I think he wants to spend even more time with his best friend and I can already see me competing for attention... that's not something I want to do and it won't work, anyway, because if we start fighting again, it'll be over for good.
Generally, I am worried that he got used to living by himself and likes it better than living with me. When we quarreled one time, he even said that I "might have left him alone for too long"...
I think one disadvantage of living together will certainly be that I can't hide my feelings of jealousy that well from him and consequently it will be harder to avoid fights. LD, that was rather easy, but it will be hard not to let on that I'm hurt by his frequent guys' nights' out when we're living together. Also, I'll know exactly when he got home from clubbing etc. (which I don't when we're LD) and that will upset me, too. Sometimes, it's better not to know details, I guess.
So, yeah, I'm actually quite afraid of closing the distance, because thinking about all this, it doesn't seem like it will work out. That's our particular situation, though, but I think some concerns (having gotten used to having more freedom in every way, not having to compromise that much) are the same for everyone closing the distance.

[garnet]

I am just wondering after you've moved back and been together for a while, for you, what were the benefits of doing LD? What were the negatives after the distance was closed (if there were any)? What are/were your greatest concerns about closing the distance?

I was LD from the start like Zephii, also international.
The benefits of LD were that we had our own space. A fight? You can walk away from your computer. We learned that we had to have total trust, or it wouldn't have worked.

After moving in together, fights seem to just go in circles and you can't escape them. We are finding more things we DONT have in common. Getting used to sharing your space again (I was previously married for 11 years), it's weird. I had gotten very comfortable being on my own, it's a shock to my system to be back in the situation of sharing life with another person. There are things that are done that we didn't see LD, that we now have to deal with, and they suck.
Our biggest problem right now is that we don't fight in the same way. AT ALL.

Before he moved in, I was worried about losing my space, displeased at having to go back to checking in with someone, etc.