Finally Closing the Distance! But there's a serious road block....

[Skye]

My SO and I are planning on closing the distance this August after over 3 yrs! This is incredible news that I should be happy about, but I'm experiencing extreme anxiety in telling this to my mother. When I first told my mother about my SO she said she did not approve because he is older than me (by 10 yrs) and that he is trying to take advantage of the fact that I'm younger. She said all of this without ever meeting him. At that time I was 22. The years have come and gone and he has come to visit numerous times and not once has she agreed to meet him. I cannot even mention him or us, ever. I have met his family and spent lots of time with them, and they have no problem with us. It really hurts that my mother has never given him a chance because he has become an incredibly important part of my life.

Now after over 3yrs of enduring the distance we are finally moving in together. He is moving from Europe to New York City to be with me. He is leaving his job, his apartment, his friends and family, just to be with me. We are planning on moving in together when he comes. The problem is I currently live with my mother and so I will be moving out of her house to be with him. I can only imagine the scandal this is going to create between my mother and I. For a very long time my mother and I's relationship was sour due to her disapproval of my SO. We are starting to get to a place where we are better, and now I have to tell her this news. Just like when I first told her about my SO, she is going to take this very happy news and make me feel bad about it. HELP! How do I break the news to her??! She's going to say i'm abandoning her and our relationship will go sour again; she will give me the silent treatment and it will go on for a very extended period of time. Is there any way I can ease any of that?

[Off2Spain]

I kind of understand your situation. When I was with my SO 4 years ago, my parents absolutely didn't aprove. They thought the education gap would be too big, which is a ridiculous reason and also they didn't like the fact that he was from Spain. It came to the point that I found my parents screaming whenever I wanted to go see him. After a summer we did break up because of the distance. Now after 4 years I will be moving to Spain and we're back together. I haven't however had the guts to tell my parents that I'm with him yet.
It is extremely difficult to do this without your parents support. However I am 22 years old and I'm perfectly capable to find my own happiness and my parents should accept that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my guy. He is in his 3th year of university and is working full time also (because of working fulltime he is delayed in his studies).

I think I'm going to break the news when I'm absolutely 100% for sure we will stick together. I think it's the best idea to break the news to your mother in a calmly and understanding manner. Tell her that you understand she's a little apprehensive, but that you have simply found your happiness with this guy. You've been together for years now and are at a good mature age to be make responsible decisions. Also tell her that you don't want your relationship with your mother to change. Yes, your mother might not agree, bit what can she do? You're at an age where your mother has to let go. And in the end it is as simple as that. She has the choice to either support you the best way she can or to lose you. Because ofcourse you're going to be with your love!

[Skye]

Thank you so much for your reply! You're totally right. I've been very constricted by my mother for so long, I finally need to live my own life. Every time I think of having to tell her the news, I feel I'm going to get an anxiety attack and the right words never came to mind, except anger of her nonacceptance. I was looking for things I can tell her which will stick in her mind;

I'm perfectly capable to find my own happiness and my parents should accept that...You've been together for years now and are at a good mature age to be make responsible decisions...You're at an age where your mother has to let go. And in the end it is as simple as that. She has the choice to either support you the best way she can or to lose you.

Well said! I will tell her all of that and hope for the best.

I think telling your parents when you are sure about your relationship is best. I wish you much happiness in your relationship and a successful ldr!

[lonelyinlove]

While my mother lives my SO, I can relate bc eventually I will be moving out of my house to live with my SO in his state. She is against this bc she can't accept that I've grown up and am making up grown up decisions to be with a man I intend on spending the rest of my life with.

You need to just be straight forward with her. Better sooner than later. Whether she accepts the inevitable or not, at least you gave her time to attempt to warm up to the idea that ur leaving..

[Skye]

Hi lonelyinlove, thanks for your reply! Yeah, sooner than later definitely. I know this is gonna go badly but all I can do is be honest.