Closing the Distance Sooner

[CandiCandi]

My fiance and I were talking and discussing our options. We talked it out and we've basically come to the conclusion I would be able to get up there the last week of June. I actually want to stay here the first week of June for my mom's birthday, but even with that said, we're probably going to be closing the distance at the last week of June instead of any time before then because of how his job pays (bi-weekly). We both discussed an option that has way too many positives to it and it gets me out of my parents, it gets my fiance out of his brother's and it gets us together closer and it's a cheaper solution altogether, per month. So, we're doing it.

[ChibiFelicia]

Sounds great! Good luck!

[Jazi]

congrats

I know you two are totally in love and trust that everything will work out.. but I can't help but notice your signature though, that you've only had 2 visits and the first was 6 days, the second was 7 days.. thats 13 days IN TOTAL of being in each others physical presence.. I know that in an LDR we have to rely on other ways to communicate and can build a very strong relationship while apart, but I do worry that with so little time together in person that suddenly closing the distance will be a big shock to you both. I would also hate for you to drop everything you have in your current home to move with him and if things didn't work out you would have nowhere to go/nothing to come back to.

Have you thought about a "back up" plan for what you would do if things between you and your SO didn't work out after having closed the distance?

I ask these things/worry because I really do hope you two stay together happily and not having answers/a plan can make things more stressful in some cases.

[CandiCandi]

congrats

I know you two are totally in love and trust that everything will work out.. but I can't help but notice your signature though, that you've only had 2 visits and the first was 6 days, the second was 7 days.. thats 13 days IN TOTAL of being in each others physical presence.. I know that in an LDR we have to rely on other ways to communicate and can build a very strong relationship while apart, but I do worry that with so little time together in person that suddenly closing the distance will be a big shock to you both. I would also hate for you to drop everything you have in your current home to move with him and if things didn't work out you would have nowhere to go/nothing to come back to.

Have you thought about a "back up" plan for what you would do if things between you and your SO didn't work out after having closed the distance?

I ask these things/worry because I really do hope you two stay together happily and not having answers/a plan can make things more stressful in some cases.

The thing is, we've known each other for two years. We've talked almost every single day of those two years. No joke. We only recently started skipping talking to each other on the weekends the past few months. The conversations we have are of a significant nature. Granted, there are a few times we just goof off, most of them are really long and big heart to heart discussions. He knows about my life. I know his. His life is crazy. So is mine. He hid no bad thing from me. He said "Look, this is my situation. I have kids. My ex-girlfriend is crazy. She's got a boyfriend who is just as crazy. Are you sure you want to get into this?" and I said yes and asked him if he was sure and put all my baggage out on the table as well. We know each other's baggage already because we didn't want to hide any of it from each other. When we are worried about something regarding living together, we ask each other about it and discuss it. If it's a real problem, we try to come up with a solution.

The time we spent together was of a significant nature. When I came home from Wisconsin, I came up with a list of questions of how things are going to be when I move up there. I have dealt with every crazy thing you can imagine in his life though and he's dealt with every crazy thing you can imagine in mine. We're comfortable with each other and I am comfortable enough in knowing how things can and can't go wrong. His ex-girlfriend/mother of his children has always been my main concern and we've been talking in length about how that is going to go down. His main concern is that I am going to grow tired of all the little things that bother me and I'm gonna go home. Before we jumped into this relationship, though, he told me if we didn't work out, he'd never kick me out and make me a homeless woman. My gut has always told me he's telling the truth. I know him very well and he knows me very well, despite having two visits only, and I would seriously debate anyone who told me any different.

That being said, if by some really really insane circumstance, I am wrong: My family has reassured me if anything happens, I can come home, not to this house, but with other family members. All of which want me to try living up there before I become their roommate. I am a grown enough adult. Neither of us can really wait much longer. He's being kicked out of his residence on July 1st and I'm being kicked out of mine by October-November because my grandparents want to sell this property and even they want me to move. My grandma's met him, my mother's met him. They both have a strong trust with him as well. We're together and aren't going to leave each other out in the cold. Visits are expensive. Moving together is expensive as well, but we're going to be draining bank accounts and prevent any chance of closing the distance if we don't give closing the distance and giving a real shot at this relationship a try. I am positive this is the right choice and that the wrong one is sitting here and staying in a house where I am being told to leave on a day-to-day basis (again, the majority of my family wants me to try this AND then if I need to come home, come stay) and him staying in the same environment and it's one that I've thought through and we've discussed at length.

The thing is, I feel like people assume that when they don't agree with a choice you've made, you haven't talked out the positives and negatives if they don't agree with it or considered them yourself. But we're adults. Grown adults. And we did. I understand your concern, though. Thanks for looking out.

[13000km]

Congratulations, that's so exciting!

congrats

I know you two are totally in love and trust that everything will work out.. but I can't help but notice your signature though, that you've only had 2 visits and the first was 6 days, the second was 7 days.. thats 13 days IN TOTAL of being in each others physical presence.. I know that in an LDR we have to rely on other ways to communicate and can build a very strong relationship while apart, but I do worry that with so little time together in person that suddenly closing the distance will be a big shock to you both. I would also hate for you to drop everything you have in your current home to move with him and if things didn't work out you would have nowhere to go/nothing to come back to.

Have you thought about a "back up" plan for what you would do if things between you and your SO didn't work out after having closed the distance?

I ask these things/worry because I really do hope you two stay together happily and not having answers/a plan can make things more stressful in some cases.

My boyfriend and I closed the distance barely 6 months after our first and only visit. On top of trusting each other completely we did discuss the positives and negatives and other possible issues. Then we made our decision and started the necessary process with the blessings of our families, even though the decision may not have seemed like the best one to the rest of the world.

[Jazi]

I wasn't saying that you shouldn't end the distance, I totally understand where your head is at and I don't question your relationship.
I more just wanted to make sure you had thought about both sides, from your OP it sounded like you hadn't really discussed the negative sides and only the positives. I'm glad to see you had discussed both sides and you would be welcomed by your family if you needed it.

Like I said in my original post

I know that in an LDR we have to rely on other ways to communicate and can build a very strong relationship while apart

pretty much all of us here on LFAD have to deal with the majority of their relationship being lived from a distance so I don't doubt you have a strong foundation and a really good relationship, it may just become a bit of a shock to live with the person is all. I know its going to be ROUGH when i end the distance with my SO and we have spent a few months of time together, it's always going to be hard to adjust to living with someone, whether it'll be harder or not after only having spent such a short amount of time together I'm not sure but it does make me wonder/worry.

As long as you both are determined to get through the rough patches then I'm sure you'll do fine.. and it is always a comfort to know you have a place back home if you need it.

[Pixel]

Congratulations and good luck!

[CandiCandi]

I wasn't saying that you shouldn't end the distance, I totally understand where your head is at and I don't question your relationship.
I more just wanted to make sure you had thought about both sides, from your OP it sounded like you hadn't really discussed the negative sides and only the positives. I'm glad to see you had discussed both sides and you would be welcomed by your family if you needed it.

I don't really see how you can get such an assumption from the post. Of course, I didn't sit there and talk about the negatives in the original post. I am happy and excited. It doesn't mean we didn't talk it over.

[CandiCandi]

Closing this thread.