Job search not working out
So I'm kinda new here but have been stressing out lately and need some advice.
Our backstory: We met about 4 years ago, started dating for approx 3 months and then he moved across the country. Being a senior in college (he's a few years older) I didn't want to do a LDR with someone I just met, so we broke up. A year and a half later, in Feb 2010, we started talking again. He had moved back to Florida for a family situation and I was in MD. When I had finally moved out of my family's house and in with friends in July 2010 thats when he first came out to see me, every 3 months until he moved in June 2011 to NYC. Since then we've seen each other pretty regularly, every couple-few weeks depending.
We talked about ending the LDR seriously in November 2011, but I had to wait for my lease to end, which was in May 2012. The reason I offered to move is because of each of our lines of work, mine is pretty universal to any major city, where as his is kinda secluded to certain cities. Plus i'm not 100% with the company I've with. I've been looking for jobs since around January, pretty much applying to anything I see. I've only had one interview that didnt work out, and when my lease ended a few weeks ago, I moved to another place so I could do a month to month deal. It's been very stressful because we're both prepared to be together in NYC but the only thing holding it up is me finding a job up there. He took a risk and moved up there without a job, and ended up finding one, but Im not that confident, and I can't really afford to not be working. I also want to find something that I like doing, and that will be a career advancement both money and position wise.
Because this has taken almost 6 months now and it doesn't look like an end is near, needless to say I've been very stressed. We're also hitting a "rough patch" where communication on the phone is low and i've been looking for ways to spark up the long phone conversations like in the beginning. Now the real problem, when I saw him over the weekend, we were talking and he asked what happens if i can't find something. My response was that I would keep looking until I did, and he came back with, what if it doesnt happen for 3, 4, 5 or even more years. how long are we going to keep doing this? I love him to death and we both are feeling how hard it is, but i also explained that the 5 hour drive and the time apart is worth seeing him even if its only for 24 hours every couple of weeks. I can't imagine what it would be like to not "be with him", but it seems like he's losing faith that we're eventually going to be in the same place. I completely understand that its crazy to a LDR without knowing if theres an end in sight, but I get the feeling that he wouldn't be as hurt if it didnt work out. In my opinion, I think that its worth fighting for or coming up with another option before throwing in the towel. He said he doesnt want to break up and wasn't using it as a excuse to. I feel like i'm fighting to get there and have this passion for this to work out, and he sees it as 'if it works out, great, if not we move on'. Driving back, I began to question every, especially if he actually does love me. I know its horrible to think, but i just don't feel like we have the same commitment anymore.
Also to note is that i'm in the stage of my life (mid 20's) where it seems like every friend is getting engaged or married and another is closing her LDR. We've talked about marriage in the sense that we dont want to jump into it and we want to have a traditional relationship in the same city before we even talk about getting engaged. It 100% happy with waiting for that, but eventually I hope that this relationship does end in marriage. Its just hard to watch friends with their fiances and husbands and not be as happy. I know every relationship is different but i just need reassurance that his hear is in it as much as mine is.
Our backstory: We met about 4 years ago, started dating for approx 3 months and then he moved across the country. Being a senior in college (he's a few years older) I didn't want to do a LDR with someone I just met, so we broke up. A year and a half later, in Feb 2010, we started talking again. He had moved back to Florida for a family situation and I was in MD. When I had finally moved out of my family's house and in with friends in July 2010 thats when he first came out to see me, every 3 months until he moved in June 2011 to NYC. Since then we've seen each other pretty regularly, every couple-few weeks depending.
We talked about ending the LDR seriously in November 2011, but I had to wait for my lease to end, which was in May 2012. The reason I offered to move is because of each of our lines of work, mine is pretty universal to any major city, where as his is kinda secluded to certain cities. Plus i'm not 100% with the company I've with. I've been looking for jobs since around January, pretty much applying to anything I see. I've only had one interview that didnt work out, and when my lease ended a few weeks ago, I moved to another place so I could do a month to month deal. It's been very stressful because we're both prepared to be together in NYC but the only thing holding it up is me finding a job up there. He took a risk and moved up there without a job, and ended up finding one, but Im not that confident, and I can't really afford to not be working. I also want to find something that I like doing, and that will be a career advancement both money and position wise.
Because this has taken almost 6 months now and it doesn't look like an end is near, needless to say I've been very stressed. We're also hitting a "rough patch" where communication on the phone is low and i've been looking for ways to spark up the long phone conversations like in the beginning. Now the real problem, when I saw him over the weekend, we were talking and he asked what happens if i can't find something. My response was that I would keep looking until I did, and he came back with, what if it doesnt happen for 3, 4, 5 or even more years. how long are we going to keep doing this? I love him to death and we both are feeling how hard it is, but i also explained that the 5 hour drive and the time apart is worth seeing him even if its only for 24 hours every couple of weeks. I can't imagine what it would be like to not "be with him", but it seems like he's losing faith that we're eventually going to be in the same place. I completely understand that its crazy to a LDR without knowing if theres an end in sight, but I get the feeling that he wouldn't be as hurt if it didnt work out. In my opinion, I think that its worth fighting for or coming up with another option before throwing in the towel. He said he doesnt want to break up and wasn't using it as a excuse to. I feel like i'm fighting to get there and have this passion for this to work out, and he sees it as 'if it works out, great, if not we move on'. Driving back, I began to question every, especially if he actually does love me. I know its horrible to think, but i just don't feel like we have the same commitment anymore.
Also to note is that i'm in the stage of my life (mid 20's) where it seems like every friend is getting engaged or married and another is closing her LDR. We've talked about marriage in the sense that we dont want to jump into it and we want to have a traditional relationship in the same city before we even talk about getting engaged. It 100% happy with waiting for that, but eventually I hope that this relationship does end in marriage. Its just hard to watch friends with their fiances and husbands and not be as happy. I know every relationship is different but i just need reassurance that his hear is in it as much as mine is.