Closing the distance - Problems and advice sought

[squeeker]

Hey There Guys and Ladies

This is my girlfriend Heather's account here on LFAD, but I wanted to sort of muster up some advice maybe, or some sort of discussion with people who can maybe relate or perhaps advise.. I dont know really.

I feel sort of hopeless and lost in a way, because Im a pretty young man, 23 years old, and with the financial situation the way it has been in the UK where I live, its become impossible for me to get a feel for what I want to do with my future in terms of employment and career. I've tried every which way to find something which would suit me.. Holiday Rep, Musician, tried going back to college to retrain (Im overqualified, and so they wont let me back!) I've tried looking into doing a degree, but that doesnt suit me well, I've tried even applying to fast food restaurants before now such as McDonalds to get any work I could, without results. It's really quite depressing for a young guy not to have any ambition or pathway in life at my age, and it's more important to me now than it was when I was single, because all I want to do deep down is become a provider for my girlfriend and I both, so that we can settle down together.

I dont feel like I have any options available to me, and settling down seems like it may take 10 years or so to me. I just feel so angry in a way, that I cant make a life for us both because of my lack of options.

We've both discussed getting married before moving to live with each other as an option, because we both love each other a lot. This I would presume also makes closing the distance a lot easier for us both. Due to the large distance between us, I feel it would be really difficult for us to invite other family members from her own country (Canada) to the UK, and we were thinking of in the future when we did close the distance to maybe renew the vows in witness of all of her friends and family.

So I guess my post relates to my lack of knowledge or direction on things right now. I dont know if everyone who posts or reads this will be religious, but I love God and I pray like crazy about this. I just lack direction, and I feel alone in my struggles.

[dglynn77]

I do not have any words of wisdom to offer. But I will add you and your situation to my prayers. I also believe in God.
I do understand how much it means to a man to be able to have a job and provide for what is his, and I will pray that God will give you the direction and opportunity that you need in order to be with the one you love!

[squeeker]

Thank you It's a tough situation, and it's complicated and I thank you for your generosity.

[leonsfangirl]

I'm in the same situation, (I'm UK and he is in Canada)

The job market here sucks so it's difficult to close the distance since they changed the rules. I lack direction too, i have experience in the retail field but it's been a while since i was working that i don't even get considered when i apply. Something will come up eventually i just have to keep trying. I cant retrain because of my age (29 is too old apparently) and i don't have the funding in place to support me and the children while i do it.

Have faith that an answer will come to you when the time is right.

[squeeker]

Thanks for your message post. It's a tough deal we have isnt it? I guess a new government will come in sometime and perhaps we'll all get better prospects for work somehow (really hard to see how though, because we both know how bad it is this time round).

I tried Uni for a year, and I had a whole load of family problems happen all the same time. So what can I say.. I had to drop my course and I've been miserable about it ever since really. Especially as when I dropped out, the job market got really bad for the first time in ages it seemed. Do you have any plans to make sure you one day close your distance? I'm battling against my fear of flying, when to settle down and a career! lol. It seems hopeless right now.

I have to say its good to hear someone else in the same predicament as myself, and someone especially who knows just how hard it is right now in the UK. I no longer feel lonely lol. But I still feel like we got the bad end of the stick. I can imagine how hard it is for you to consider moving there with kids too. Not fair!

I'll pray for you, and also for dglynn77 because everyone can do with a blessing in my eyes. We all have struggles to contend with.

[Captivated]

My fiance is from the UK and I'm in the US. He's had crap jobs for a long time now (more so now) and he's gotten really depressed about it, especially since he went to uni and has a degree - and he's 30. When we decided to get married, it was no question that he would move here since I have a very well paying job. He was a bit blue that he wouldn't necessarily be the provider but I don't care about that. He has more of a chance to make a better living finding a job here.

Have you considered moving to Canada? Not sure what the job outlook is there but it must be better than the UK right now?

[dglynn77]

I'll pray for you, and also for dglynn77 because everyone can do with a blessing in my eyes. We all have struggles to contend with.

Thanks! This is greatly appreciated!

[digitalfever]

Have you considered Canada as an option?

Probably not Vancouver because it's insanely expensive but provinces like Manitoba and Saskatchewan and inexpensive and are ALWAYS looking for trades people.

[Zephii]

I believe in God too! Not the same one, but hey that's still cool right?

I feel for you. Not everyone knows what they want to do with their life. I know it took my SO four years to even begin studying for his career because he simply didn't know what options there were. But if there's something you love, there's likely a job doing it!

I also wanted to point out that you don't have to work the same job/career your whole life. It doesn't have to be forever. You can also modestly provide for yourselves with unskilled labour jobs. I'm in unskilled labour for the time being (woo checkout chicks!) and it still pays decently. You can just work until you figure out your passion, and your SO can work too until you're making enough to "provide". You're a team after all!

I'm not a big advocate for marrying someone you've never been CD with for a long period of time. (Actually my religion dictates living together for a year and a day before marriage ). I don't know what getting into the UK is like, but I know if you chose to settle in Canada they have a common-law partner visa.
I've lived in Vancouver and I don't understand why people think it's expensive, I guess it's all about what is normal for you Work isn't too hard to come by there at the moment.

Good luck with your hunt for a fulfilling career!

[squeeker]

I believe in God too! Not the same one, but hey that's still cool right?

I feel for you. Not everyone knows what they want to do with their life. I know it took my SO four years to even begin studying for his career because he simply didn't know what options there were. But if there's something you love, there's likely a job doing it!

I also wanted to point out that you don't have to work the same job/career your whole life. It doesn't have to be forever. You can also modestly provide for yourselves with unskilled labour jobs. I'm in unskilled labour for the time being (woo checkout chicks!) and it still pays decently. You can just work until you figure out your passion, and your SO can work too until you're making enough to "provide". You're a team after all!

I'm not a big advocate for marrying someone you've never been CD with for a long period of time. (Actually my religion dictates living together for a year and a day before marriage ). I don't know what getting into the UK is like, but I know if you chose to settle in Canada they have a common-law partner visa.
I've lived in Vancouver and I don't understand why people think it's expensive, I guess it's all about what is normal for you Work isn't too hard to come by there at the moment.

Good luck with your hunt for a fulfilling career!

Absolutely! We may not belong to the same religion, however we share the same God most likely lol. Or close!

One quick question though.. what is a common-law partner? Do you know anything about the visa itself? To be honest with you, I was quite disappointed to learn I may have to be married before immigrating, because I hold marriage as something special and sacred, and of course, I want to give my girlfriend a perfect day on our special day sometime too. I tried looking on Google, but the term is somewhat confusing on there to understand.

[squeeker]

Have you considered Canada as an option?

Probably not Vancouver because it's insanely expensive but provinces like Manitoba and Saskatchewan and inexpensive and are ALWAYS looking for trades people.

I have yeah, Canada is a beautiful place indeed. She happens to live not too far from Vancouver.. lol. But I agree that both Manitoba and Saskatchewan are both cheaper to live and buy property within. They were both provinces her and I are looking into My trouble is that I cant leave my father alone here in the UK and go off to Canada. I need a way to also get him to Canada with me, at roughly the same time. Because of what's happened in the past in my family, I just cant do that to him.. but he would be cool moving to Canada.

[squeeker]

My fiance is from the UK and I'm in the US. He's had crap jobs for a long time now (more so now) and he's gotten really depressed about it, especially since he went to uni and has a degree - and he's 30. When we decided to get married, it was no question that he would move here since I have a very well paying job. He was a bit blue that he wouldn't necessarily be the provider but I don't care about that. He has more of a chance to make a better living finding a job here.

Have you considered moving to Canada? Not sure what the job outlook is there but it must be better than the UK right now?

I sent you a PM.. my reply was getting off topic

[Zephii]

Absolutely! We may not belong to the same religion, however we share the same God most likely lol. Or close!

One quick question though.. what is a common-law partner? Do you know anything about the visa itself? To be honest with you, I was quite disappointed to learn I may have to be married before immigrating, because I hold marriage as something special and sacred, and of course, I want to give my girlfriend a perfect day on our special day sometime too. I tried looking on Google, but the term is somewhat confusing on there to understand.

Here we call it a De Facto Partner, maybe that's a term you're more familiar with? Let me google. Ah here we go, from the Canadian Immigration website:

You are a common-law partner—either of the opposite sex or same sex—if:

you have been living together in a conjugal relationship for at least one year in a continuous 12-month period that was not interrupted. (You are allowed short absences for business travel or family reasons, however.)

You will need proof that you and your common-law partner have combined your affairs and set up a household together. This can be in the form of:

joint bank accounts or credit cards
joint ownership of a home
joint residential leases
joint rental receipts
joint utilities (electricity, gas, telephone)
joint management of household expenses
proof of joint purchases, especially for household items or
mail addressed to either person or both people at the same address.

They also have a Conjugal partner visa. Which I understand less about, but might apply to you. Here's what they say about that:

This category is for partners—either of the opposite sex or same sex—in exceptional circumstances beyond their control that prevent them from qualifying as common-law partners or spouses by living together.

A conjugal relationship is more than a physical relationship. It means you depend on each other, there is some permanence to the relationship and there is the same level of commitment as a marriage or a common-law relationship.

You may apply as a conjugal partner if:

you have maintained a conjugal relationship with your sponsor for at least one year and you have been prevented from living together or marrying because of:
an immigration barrier
your marital status (for example, you are married to someone else and living in a country where divorce is not possible) or
your sexual orientation (for example, you are in a same-sex relationship and same-sex marriage is not permitted where you live)
you can provide evidence there was a reason you could not live together (for example, you were refused long-term stays in each other’s country).

You should not apply as a conjugal partner if:

You could have lived together but chose not to. This shows that you did not have the level of commitment required for a conjugal relationship. (For example, one of you may not have wanted to give up a job or a course of study, or your relationship was not yet at the point where you were ready to live together.)
You cannot provide evidence there was a reason that kept you from living together.
You are engaged to be married. In this case, you should either apply as a spouse once the marriage has taken place or apply as a common-law partner if you have lived together continuously for at least 12 months.

This link is a good place to start: https://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigr...nsor/index.asp
Woo, go Canada!!

[lucybelle]

I don't believe in God! Am I still allowed to post?

Anyways, I think you need to decide which is more important for you- saving up money to close the distance or getting a career you really love. Not that you can't do both, but perhaps you need to decide. If you just want money to close the distance, then get a job. Any job. Everyone has had crappy jobs in their lives and yes they suck, but you do them for the dough. If you don't get the first job, apply for another. And continue applying to any job you're even remotely qualified for until you get one. If you'd rather "find yourself" and what you want to do with your life, then start exploring different classes, doing new things, reading books. Try out volunteer jobs that don't have long commitments to see if you like certain fields. Best wishes!