Need Help!!!

[RHSK143]

Firstly I have checked some of the other threads so I know there might be similar situations however I wanted to share my own story

I have been in an LDR for just over 2 years now, my boyfriends name is Reece and he is from Australia where I am from England. We met on another website and we were great friends and a few months later the feelings for each other started and then we got together 18th of May 2010. We started out great, laughing, talking about stuff.. it was going amazingly well. We decided to meet up in 2011 he came to me and after he left things started to fall apart.. we changed however we managed to go another year and I flew out to be with him in April this year. When I left and got back to England we went on with our daily routine but things were not right between us.

Recently were feeling rather sorry for ourselves, hardly talking about anything anymore and arguing over silly little things which we hate, we don't want to be like this because I know we love each other, I know how I feel about him and how he feels about me. He is now saying he is fed up of being in this long distance relationship now and is feeling lonely and upset and doesn't know what to do.

So that brings me here because our relationship is falling apart before our eyes and I don't want to lose him and vice versa. He has helped me with my life, he has made me a better person but right now being with him is really difficult...I think it's the distance that is tearing us apart because the times we have been together has been the best time of my life.

I am looking for some advice or some support with this. Here are a couple of points which I feel is getting to us the most

1) We haven't come up with an end date yet so I'm wondering what the most realistic time scale is?
2) How to figure out who will move where?
3) Things we can do to get us back on track

[digitalfever]

1) I think an end date is very important or at least a guesstimate! The problem with not having an end date means that the distance is indefinite. To determine a reasonable end date determine what your goals are outside of your relationship. Do you have school to finish up? A career to exist out of? Determine what needs to be accomplished before you move to one another and go from there.

2) A good way to figure out who will move is to determine who can start over with greater “ease”. Let’s not pretend though starting over is hard so I’d say for example: If one of you already had a career in one country while the other is just graduating. The easiest thing would be for the new graduate to move but it really all depends on where you want to live. Many couples even start over together in a new place!

3) To be very honest the distance among other things got the better of my relationship. In hindsight and after working on myself a lot I feel that the little fights stem from insecurities, worries and fears. You don’t feel close so to feel closer to that person you fight. Or you fight so you at least have something to grasp to. Fighting will only pull you guys apart and finding things to fight about… is really not the best way to deal with things. If you guys want to get back on track I’d suggest talking about it. And I don’t mean skirting the issue I mean actually telling your SO how you feel, listening to how he feels and determining what you guys can do to help each other. If you want to determine how to end the distance I’d really discuss what you guys want and where you’d like to be in 5 years and then apply that to goals you have for your relationship. The best way to end the fights is to add certainty to your relationship.

[RHSK143]

Awww thankyou so much for your comment and advice digitalfever
It turns out he doesn't want to move from Australia and he was too scared to tell me It seems like I have some serious thinking to do

[Tooki]

I would say that he should move here, given the GFC. See if he is willing to come on a Working Holiday visa, so he wouldn't have an obligation to stay.

Anyway your story is exactly the same as mine, and we have the same dilemnas

[RHSK143]

Tooki thanks for your comment
"I would say he should move here" Live where? He lives in Australia already but it's nice to know someone else is in the same situation

[Zephii]

It's good that he finally got that out in the open. I mean it sucks too, but when you know what the issues are that means you can work on fixing them

When it comes to time frames, that's hugely reliant on the visa you choose, as some take six or even nine months to be approved. Many visas also require you to prove you have a large amount of savings, so a time frame might have to take into account time to earn that money.

[RHSK143]

Zephii thanks for the comment
Yes it is good but it causes problems too.. Yes I know about the different visas but we are not sure on what we are going to do now