We closed the distance...but

[HarderthanIthought]

Now things are so much harder, and I don't know how to communicate with him the way we did before. We started dating a month before I moved 3 hours away and We saw each other at least twice a month, but I was in college and our relationship was built around being on the phone and our weekend visits. 4 years later, I got a job and moved in with him. Now it's so hard because I don't know how to express myself or my feelings to him face to face. We spent so much time apart, and we would rarely fight. Now when we have arguments, I don't know how to speak. Its almost like I can't breathe and when I can't breathe, I can't tell him how I feel. We have been living together for about 6 months now and It seems to be getting harder and harder. Any one have any advice so I can talk to him easier or if anyone has ever had this sorta situation happen. I love him more than anything, and I desperately want to make this work.

[sewbama]

(first of all, it might be a good idea to go post this on the main LDR board. Lots more people over there.)

I think you need to talk to him about it. Surely he's noticing the same things. So you guys should talk about how you want to communicate. Are you constantly fighting about the same things? Try to find a resolution when you aren't mad about it and can both talk rationally. Moving in together is hard on every kind of relationship. Do you have a space that is just yours? Or time you can spend with friends? You do have to get away sometimes. And be happy with the rest of your life, too, otherwise many aspects of your relationship will get stressed. If you are both willing to work at it, it is definitely possible. But first you have to talk.

Good luck!

[Zephii]

I went through this HARD when we closed the distance. It wasn't just that I didn't know how to talk to him, but we didn't know how to do things together, have fun together, when we were in the same place. It sucked. The good news is, you can get past it.

Maybe for a little while, you can stick to what you know? If it's easier to talk to him over the phone, go for a walk and call him. Who cares if it's nerdy and dumb or whatever? It's a means to an end. Sometimes, for really difficult things, I still write letters to my SO to get the conversation rolling because that is my strongest method of communicating. If calling is what works for you, then do what works for you.

Also, address the issues when they are not currently being an issue- talk about it when you're not already upset. And let him know at the outset that sometimes you feel like you can't breathe and can't speak. Make up a hand signal, so that he knows this is happening, and can calmly wait out your silence until you're ready to continue the discussion.

You're both in this together. You both want this to work, so I have no doubt that he will work with you to resolve whatever the underlying problems are.

[dappergq]

Who says you have to be verbal in your communication? My first serious and healthy relationship involved us emailing each other with our problems. It allowed us to articulate fully and completely without the other person getting distracted by our emotions. It gave the other person time to feel hurt and then get down to the problem at hand. And it allowed us to bare it all, without feeling too vulnerable. Looking back, our relationship deteriorated quickly when we were no longer able to do that (because she no longer had a computer.)

Maybe you could try going back to that type of communication, at least for now. Good luck.

[Kristin91]

Maybe for a little while, you can stick to what you know? If it's easier to talk to him over the phone, go for a walk and call him. Who cares if it's nerdy and dumb or whatever? It's a means to an end. Sometimes, for really difficult things, I still write letters to my SO to get the conversation rolling because that is my strongest method of communicating. If calling is what works for you, then do what works for you.

Also, address the issues when they are not currently being an issue- talk about it when you're not already upset. And let him know at the outset that sometimes you feel like you can't breathe and can't speak. Make up a hand signal, so that he knows this is happening, and can calmly wait out your silence until you're ready to continue the discussion.

I agree with this. Also, try gradually building up to communicating with him in person. Maybe try telling him just one word of how you feel, and then when you're comfortable with that maybe try a whole sentence, and then eventually just a normal conversation. Good luck

[D.4C]

i would agree...if you are having a hard time talking face to face...go with the texting or emailing or talking on the phone....and tell him how you are feeling...communication in any form is a good thing...sooner or later though...for the sake of your relationship...you are gonna have to figure out how to talk face to face about things...not really healthy if you can't....

[artgrl808]

Just like in a LDR communication is key. Like others have said before me, it might be best to have an honest talk with him about this. Boys are pretty perceptive when it comes to things they care about, so my guess is that he feels the same way you do. Talking face to face is the best thing, but talking in general is a necessity. Don't be afraid. Like they say: The first step to solving a problem is addressing it.
Best of luck.