Ready but waiting to move...

[jlcsgirl]

Hello everyone. This is my first new post thread so I'm a little nervous.
I was wondering if any of you have any tips for moving out of your
parents home for the first time. I know it'll take me at least 9 months
to save enough money to make it possible but I have no idea how much
money a body would need to start out in a new state?
My boyfriend and I will have been together for 3 yrs in Oct, LD.
From the beginning everyone other than my bf has tried to pressure
me into marriage. We talk about getting married in the future all the time,
but only when we can afford it. As much as we both love each other we
can't live on love alone. I live with my folks still and well...
(very overprotective and strict) they tell me the only way I can move
out on good standing with them is to be "married off."
Or they would sell all my possessions and I could never come back or
ask them for help.
My boyfriend says he'd love for me to move in with him but we're both
Christians and he's a Preacher. We've agreed from our first date we'd
"Wait" and if I moved in with him the temptation would be too
available to give in to.
Any advice at all would be graciously appreciated.

[Romeo s Juliet]

i think in your case, what do you want to do? is the most important question.
i see that your parents are very overprotective. and that they want you to move in with him only after marriage. and you want to only marry once you can afford it. and that is a good way to start.

I think that you are torn between overprotective parents who want you to move only after you get married, if not they almost are threatening you that they may disown you.
at the same time you want to move out and want to be with your SO, and only way that could be done is by moving in together. and because you both have decided to wait, you feel that the temptation that comes by living togther may ruin things for you.

moving away from parents is not easy, i have lived with my parents all my life, and i wanted to move out so badly, but my overprotective parets did not understand. and moving away and living with no emotional support from them is hard, no matter how much hatred you feel while living with them

i suggest the only way to keep your parents happy and also to build a foundation with your boyfriend by being living close distance is to move out from your parents and maybe not move in with your boyfriend at once? maybe move out from you parent' s house straight to living alone. after explaining to them you need to do a job and be independent on your own.
I think that would provide you with such a great opportunity to grow yourself, have a close distance relationship with your SO and meet himwhenever you want, without the living togther component, and would make you grow so much as a person.

maybe you can talk to your parents and explain that you are 27 ( according to the info you have in your profe info ) and that you wanna move out to be indepedent and that you are not moving in ewith your SO. you are moving out for yourseflf. maybe they would be able to understand?

after they see you living alone and being independent, you can decide to move in with your SO, and your parents would not be extremely negative about it. because you already lived alone, and will be in a better situation to understand it?

regarding how much money it cost, I do not know exactly, but i think you need to save up a few more thousand dollars than what it may actually cost you, because finding a job there could take longer than you think
good luck!

[jlcsgirl]

Thank you for the reply Romeo s Juliet. I've been thinking pretty much along the same lines as you've stated. But some of what you've said really has me thinking. What I want is to move out and to be near my SO! I guess finances are my only excuse for the delay in making the move. I'm self employed and my business has been slow. With the holidays coming up I pray I'll have more orders coming in. I guess I'm just asking for advice in how to make the transition to living on my own? When it's so that I move I'd be in the same state/county as my BF. He and his family have been far more supportive of me emotionally and of our relationship than my own family. My family loves him but they don't understand how this LDR thing works and how hard this is. I am a 27 soon to be 28 and it's long over due to make a change,for me. I'm ready to take the leap of faith and stand on my own two feet. Thanks for wishing me luck

[lyonsgirl]

My SO & I are in sort of a similar situation.. except for the parents thing. He & I agreed to wait as well (and we're both Christians, although he's not a preacher). He moved to be near me when I started my career post-graduation, and couldn't afford to live on his own. Fortunately I could afford a 2 bedroom apartment, so that's what we did. Yes, the temptation was there, but it was sort of "easier" when we slept in different rooms. (I know, we're crazy for doing it.) It worked for us though.

As for living on your own, it's scary at first, I'll give you that. Since you said finances are an issue, look into getting a part-time job to supplement your business's income, especially if it's slow going right now. Chances are you won't get the best job in the world, but it's better than nothing. Even working part-time at Starbucks, or look into working as a cashier at a store where you would shop regularly. (If I could I would totally work part-time at Jo-Ann Fabrics or Hobby Lobby!!) Then you'd get the employee discount & be pulling in some extra cash-just make sure you don't spend all of your earnings there! Haha.

Best of luck to you and your SO! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to.

[jlcsgirl]

Thank you for the advice lyonsgirl It's ironic you suggested a job at Joanns or Hobby Lobby. I do cake baking/decorating,candies,( if it involves sugar i pretty much do it) and I practically live at those stores already! LOL I have a few orders in the next week or two but I'm certainly going to look for a steady paying job and start saving for the move. It's going to be a scary change but I've been more than ready for a change. I believe I can save enough with the 2 incomes coming in to make the move in 9-12 months. Lord Willing
I tried to send you a PM but it wouldn't go through. ? You can PM me anytime you like as well.
Blessings to you and your SO.

[Romeo s Juliet]

Thank you for the reply Romeo s Juliet. I've been thinking pretty much along the same lines as you've stated. But some of what you've said really has me thinking. What I want is to move out and to be near my SO! I guess finances are my only excuse for the delay in making the move. I'm self employed and my business has been slow. With the holidays coming up I pray I'll have more orders coming in. I guess I'm just asking for advice in how to make the transition to living on my own? When it's so that I move I'd be in the same state/county as my BF. He and his family have been far more supportive of me emotionally and of our relationship than my own family. My family loves him but they don't understand how this LDR thing works and how hard this is. I am a 27 soon to be 28 and it's long over due to make a change,for me. I'm ready to take the leap of faith and stand on my own two feet. Thanks for wishing me luck

yeah sometimes in life we have to make choices for ourselves no matter how hard it is. i am 22 and have lived with my parents all my life, and they are very overprotective, but same as you, i wanted to move close to my bf, my family was so overprotective, deciding everything for me, and my family was pretty dysfunctional. i got a pretty negative vibe from them
and finally i decided i want to study, get a career, get more emotional support from someone who will understand me like my SO, and i took my decision to move to be in my SO s country. in my case i was born in the same place as my SO is living now, and it was more like coming back home. but it was different cause no matter how negative and overprotective my family was they live thousands of miles away from me now. and no matter how dysfunctional my family is they were my safetly net, and i dnt have it anymore, and that is hard to live with :/

regarding your question on how to make the transition easy, what i did was, after i moved here i took alot of time to concentrate on myslef, on being happy, the new free me i do not live with my bf yet, cause he is attending collage, and i m alot more happier, and relaxed, even though i miss my family, as negative as they are. i remind my self that i did this for myself, to be happy to make my life a better place for me to be in i started eating helathy and thinking that i am being a confident woman by making my life better.
so what i think is, before moving to be with your bf, make sure it is what you want, and that you are doing it for yourself of course your bf is a huge part when it comes to why tou want to move there, but dont make it the only reason. plan what you will be doing there untill you get a job, when i came here i wanted to complete my degree, so i knew i wont be siting alone at home here for months without a goal. so think what you wanna do there once you move. make plans. finding a job will always be a tough thing once you are there, so plan things ahead. and also have a back up plan. sometimes things may not work with your SO, so think of that too. its all about thinking effectively, not that such things will happen god forbid save enough for at least 6 months to pay for your rent, food and living. make sure you are doing this out of the thought of making your own life better, and also to make your relatioship better

it will always be hard, because you moving to be near your boyfriend means your relationship with your family becomes long distance. and keeping constant contact with them will reassure them that you are a woman who can look after yourself and take decsions on your own, decisions that will better your life for yourself
good luck

[SoFarAway]

First of all, so many kudos for you being responsible and not fleeing your nest head over heels. it takes a lot of courage to wait until you are ready. I really have to say that when I moved in with my ex after 2 years of dating, I really started to get to know her. We were sleeping over at each others' hose almost every night before we moved in with each other. Believe me, the first month is hell! You will find out sooo much about his personality and manners and how tidy he is in your first month. If you can master the first month you can master everything in your relationship.

Lets put aside your concerns about what you want and you made the decision for you guys to move in together. I hope I am not going to repeat other posts, but let me give you some tips about your first apartment and what is going to happen during the viewing and application process in a couple of simple steps:

1. Go apartment hunting in person. Set up some viewing appointments before. When you are there then make sure they don't just show you a model apartment, but an available apartment as well! The models are picture perfect and nobody ever lived in them before. If you guys stay in the south, where the winter is not as bad as in the Midwest, ask about overall utility costs throughout the year. If you guys want to live somewhere where it gets really cold in the winter then ask for heating bills from the coldest months and when they last renovated the building. Check the windows in the unit if they are double wall glass; otherwise, you can throw your money into your heater all winter long. Also, try to set up the viewing in the late afternoon. Your future neighbors will most likely be back from work and you hear if the building is very noisy.

2. Applying for the apartment so, you found your future home and would like to turn in your application. It will be required that you put down some personal information, desired move in date, your SSN, your sources of income, etc. You will be required to go through credit and criminal screening and leave some references. They never called my references when I applied for an apartment. But if you don't have a decent credit score you might need to provide a co-signer.

3. Costs depending on the management, you are required to put down a deposit on the apartment, which can be between one and three months worth of rent. The deposit will be used at the end of your lease to pay for any damages that you leave behind. If you take good care of your home then you should be getting back all of the money. Before you sign the lease, make sure to ask which utilities you have to take care yourself and which ones are included. Stay away from apartments that have no utilities, especially water, included at all. Well, unless you are looking into renting a house. That might be different. Sometimes, apartments even provide you with cable tv and Internet.

4. Moving in day On the day of moving in, you are required to pay your deposit and your first month's rent. You will get your keys and the place is yours. Make sure to walk through the apartment and check that everything is in working order! I used to take pictures aft I opened my apartment door for the first time. Some apartment managements actually require you to make a list of all damages or faulty/non-working equipment and sign a paper that everything is in perfect condition. Be very honest about what you put on the list, don't hold back because you don't want to be seen as a bitchy new tenant. No, it will bite you in the ass when you move out and the management pulls out the list and goes through your place and finds things that are not on there. Bye bye deposit! You can also print the pictures and have it put in your file with your lease, so they don't think you cheat. If some of your utilities are not covered by your lease then you might have to call the appropriate companies to put the unit you are living in your name. Call a cable tv provider to get service in your home if that is not already provided as well.

That is pretty much it! It looks like a lot, but believe me, it is really easy. Enjoy living with your SO!

[XxFranticLovexX]

I didn't read all the posts here, but I just want to let you know a little about living costs.
I live in Kentucky and have family that either lives in or used to live in Florida. The cost of living in Kentucky (or, well, most places in Kentucky.. I have relatives on both sides of the state) is cheaper than it is in Florida. So, find out how much you would need to live on your own in Florida and that will give you enough to live in Kentucky plus a little extra just in case you need it. ^_^;

I'm trying to save to move to my SO in North Carolina and the cost of living there (or at least the area that he lives in) is almost double what it is here. x_x;
The bills where I live now total to about $800 a month (including food) but I live in a cheaper area and we own the home that we live in. In the area where my SO lives rent alone is $700 a month minimum.. the last house they rented was $1200 a month.

You can do it though! It is difficult when you first begin because you are new to everything but it gets easier over time. It doesn't take too long at all to get used to living on your own. (=

[jlcsgirl]

I can always use all the friendly advice I can get. Thanks to all who replied! I have some big decisions to make to say the least. And some save,save,saving to do! God Bless you all! <3