moving in if one person has everything and the other nothing (furniture wise)

[Kiyama]

Hello everybody,

I'm thinking ahead and there might be another 6 months until we finally close the distance but I'm a thinker and worrier and this has been on my mind
He will move back to Germany and we are going to look for a place together.
My SO is quite a bit older than me and he has furniture to fill a whole house. He's got sense of style and I like his stuff. I on the other hand live in a more or less furnished flat with very little I can call "mine", expect for a few cheap ikea pieces.
So when we move in with each other, I feel a little uncomfortable if we basically lived in "his flat". I'm very torn here because if we got new furniture, he would be the one to pay for it. He's already mentioned he doesn't mind throwing most of his stuff out. The furniture he would like to keep, I'm completely fine with but I still can't help to feel bad.
I want a place we decorated and furnished together (more or less as I said) because otherwise I might feel like a guest in "his" home but then do I have the right to make him buy us new furniture if he has everything? :/ I would appreciate some opinions on this.

[lucybelle]

Well moving with furniture is not cheap. So have you even looked into that aspect of it? It actually might be cheaper to sell his old stuff and buy new things once you move in together.

I think it might be a good idea to get a few things you can get together, and leave the other stuff be. Like tables and chairs, who cares what they look like. Use his if it's cheaper. Go get a nice bed together or maybe a full bedroom set.

Or-- use all his stuff and slowly purchase new things as you find good deals. When I moved in with my SO we used all his mom's old furniture. Our dining room table was two plastic lawn chairs and a card table for months. We looked around for tables for a while and when we found a good deal we replaced the lawn chairs. Just like with the couch set we eventually bought. That way it won't be a huge expense all at the same time, and you can slowly make the apartment belong to each of you and not just to him.

[snow_girl]

My SO had the flat furnished before I moved in with him. I don't mind because I've been able to put my touch on more of the decor side of things and I also know we aren't going to be here forever and when we do finally move it is going to be a chance for us both to make it our own. Plus the less stuff you have then the less messy it is to leave if you were to ever break up! Not that that is going to happen but man oh man watching my sister break up with her boyfriend after they bought furiture and stuff together was tough.

[lyonsgirl]

Personally, I'd stay with his stuff & add your own details. Maybe get some new pillows for the couch, blankets, new curtains, that kind of stuff. It would still be "his" furniture, but you'd add your style to it and some things you picked out together. When my SO & I move in together (after we're married, probably a year from now) we'll probably keep all of my furniture (he helped pick it out when I bought it) and add his stuff into it. We'll end up buying furniture together eventually, but moving is a big expense to begin with, and not having to worry about buying furniture right away might be nice.

[Zephii]

Personally, I'd stay with his stuff & add your own details. Maybe get some new pillows for the couch, blankets, new curtains, that kind of stuff. It would still be "his" furniture, but you'd add your style to it and some things you picked out together. When my SO & I move in together (after we're married, probably a year from now) we'll probably keep all of my furniture (he helped pick it out when I bought it) and add his stuff into it. We'll end up buying furniture together eventually, but moving is a big expense to begin with, and not having to worry about buying furniture right away might be nice.

I agree!

There will be lots of time later for your stuff to merge and become "our" stuff. It doesn't make sense to me to start over unless that's the more cost effective option.
I found when I was living with Obi in Canada, it wasn't so much the furniture that bothered me, it was the fact that nothing on the furniture was mine. The books, DVDs, knick knacks... The pictures on the walls weren't mine either.

But you know what, curtains, an area rug and a few key pieces of art can change the feel of a whole room, at much less expense than buying new furniture.

[Dezface]

I'm sort of in this same situation. I'm moving to him with only a few suitcases worth of stuff. I was really worried about it feeling like "his house." But during my visit I was surprised at how much it already felt like home. So I'm no longer all that worried. Plus, his house is at the bare minimum-he's waiting for me to decorate I think as long as you add your touches you'll be fine!

[Kiyama]

Thanks for all the responses. I think you guys are right. I probably over thinking this, as I do most of the time.

Well moving with furniture is not cheap. So have you even looked into that aspect of it? It actually might be cheaper to sell his old stuff and buy new things once you move in together.

The army would pay for his move so he could take all his stuff for free. Yep, that's another thing that adds up to it. If he had to pay, things would look different I'm sure.

I found when I was living with Obi in Canada, it wasn't so much the furniture that bothered me, it was the fact that nothing on the furniture was mine. The books, DVDs, knick knacks... The pictures on the walls weren't mine either.

That's exactly my point. I don't mind his furniture. I like his place quite a lot but well yeah... Nothing of it would be mine.

I like the ideas of me adding to the apartment by decorating it and thus, giving it a more personal touch you guys are right, decoration definitely can change a room and if we got a few things together, everything might look different. I have quite a few paintings and posters too I'd like to hang up
The thing is here that he has a lot of decoration too. So many things he's collected throughout his life that have a meaning to him. If we compromise on that again, then it'll look like his place again *sigh* . At the same time I'm sure I feel something he wouldn't and that he'd be completely ok with my suggestions.. Oh well.

[iHeartt]

Or-- use all his stuff and slowly purchase new things as you find good deals. When I moved in with my SO we used all his mom's old furniture. Our dining room table was two plastic lawn chairs and a card table for months. We looked around for tables for a while and when we found a good deal we replaced the lawn chairs. Just like with the couch set we eventually bought. That way it won't be a huge expense all at the same time, and you can slowly make the apartment belong to each of you and not just to him.

This is a great idea!!! I'm moving in with my SO and in his house in January. He has an entire house full of furniture and I'm coming from a one bedroom apartment! Now, I do have a few pieces of nice furniture that we are going to use. But for the most part, we'll be using "his" things. I like the idea of using his stuff until you find stuff that you can call "yall's". That yall bought together. So take what you have and try not to worry about the other "stuff". I bet he's not thinking anything about it as long as he has you!

[Softy]

I'm personally not attached much to material and I don't care much about furniture.
My bf will be moving here, He both don't have much furniture and I think we both don't really mind ^^
He could choose all the furniture and I wouldn't mind, as long as I have him with me, meh...

[marbear31]

I've never actually thought about it, to be honest, but I know there was a point this summer when I was staying in my SO's room (even though he called it "our room" ) that I sat up in our bed and went, "There's nothing of mine in here!" so I made a word collage and posted it on his whiteboard.

Like lucybelle said, it's amazing what a few art pieces and pictures can do. Good luck, dear!

[stephanieaz]

I like the idea of adding a few small touches (throw pillows, rugs, pictures/art) to make it feel like home for you. I also like the idea of maybe picking out a new bedroom set (or heck, even just bedding) together - something that could be both of yours. My fiance will be coming with next to nothing. When I look at furniture now, I find myself asking for his opinion on things, even though it will be awhile before we are together. I can't wait to see what his decorating style is like! Should be fun.

[Katelyn313]

I think everyone's been saying the same things, so I'll just throw my weight behind the majority here. Even though Dylan's moving here, he also has most of the furniture. (My ex kept everything because he bought it and now I live in my 'teenage' room at my Aunt's). We talked about getting just new bedding for his bed and maybe a new couch, but like lucybelle said, we saw a good deal on a memory foam mattress (we're both spoiled now) and we bought it. So we started looking at new bedroom furniture too. I think start out slow with changeable things (bedding, curtains, pillows, etc) and then slowly work your way up to 'us' furniture. And you can even tell him your worry! I told Dylan I felt bad and he said he wants and would love to share it with me. Also, it'll explain away when he comes home one day and everything is new and repainted Only kidding.

Enjoy!

[Verojoon]

Since I met my SO, I have completely redecorated my house. But I didn't change the furniture. Still, it doesn't look like the same house. Also, I asked him for input all the time... And put in quite a few touches just for him. I'm hoping this will make him feel more at home once he finally comes to visit me...

[nomnom_elf]

as a couple situation, going out to buy furniture together also helps you see your decision making skills. I rems when after living with my SO in his flat on the sofa bed he finally got his kingsize frame bed back from a friend. The quest was on to buy a mattress!! the SO got a lil huffy that the sales rep focused on my needs (try the memory foam etc).. but i compromised as i knew at end of day if i moved out, it remains behind. I offered 1/2 the money for it and to buy the sheets

The running joke in our family is the cooker. i HATED the table top oven he'd been using. so come my b'day my grandparents bought a 2nd hand full sized oven-- on condition it comes with ME if we split up (he has kept the table top in the loft for insurance purposes!!).

so thats a thought- if you can get your family to chip in as xmas/ bday prezzies. hunt for 2nd hand items. at end of day its going to be your home as much as his. you'll ease into living together easily and within no time leaving things in places he won't seem to mind.

[D.4C]

my girlfriend is moving here in january...i own my own house...and it is furnished...some of it is old antique stuff that was my grandmas...but one day we were talking about things...and i told her i was ready to share everything with her...myself...my home...my life...and she was pretty surprised by that...but i also told her that we could do some decorating together...she loves hello kitty...and has alot of stuff...and it has been in boxes for a long time cuz she doesn't have room to display it...so i told her we could take the extra bedroom and make it into her hello kitty room...we could go and pick out paint together...and i told her i would rip out the old carpet and finish the hardwood floors underneath...my house is from 1924...so the floors are beautiful...and i actually went out online and started looking for a hello kitty area rug to put in there too...