how did you handle the change?

[stacyrose]

This is generally for people who have moved to be with their SO, but I could take advice from anyone.

I'm moving to be with David in early October, and as excited as I am, I'm kinda scared too. How did you handle the changes? I'm going to be away from everything I know and love and am comfortable around for the sake of my love for him, and I am completely positive that I want to do this, I'm not asking because I have second thoughts, but any kind of advice or words of wisdom or experience would be greatly appreciated!

[Zephii]

How did I handle it? Not very well I'm afraid. It was hard. Far harder than I ever expected. For some reason it's nothing like long visits. I felt trapped and hopeless and I'm sure for a while I made both our lives horrible. Even though we'd already lived together four months at the point we moved back to his home country, all of a sudden there was a lot of adjusting to do. There were rules to establish. I needed to figure out where I fit into his every day life, and where I fit into in the country. We had to establish what was acceptable, when it was alright to make decisions for each other.
I still have the feeling that I don't belong here, and as a pagan that sense is hightened, as I can't seem to connect to the land here as I did at home. Everyone talks with an accent that I rarely hear anymore, but when I first moved it was terribly annoying. I became irritated easily and would avoid conversations. The fact that people have a great deal of trouble understanding what I say took it's toll too. Things that were just cute differences Obi and I would joke over became points of contention with other people. People constantly corrected how I'd speak, or I'd have to correct myself because they didn't understand.
The homesickness was, and still is, damned terrible. I learnt that friends and family are harder to hold long distance realtions with because they simply don't have the dedication lovers have. Concessions Obi and I would make for each other aren't doable in other relationships. I learnt that not contacting home is much easier than "coming down" after contact. People back home miss me terribly and the guilt-trips come thickly on occasion.

It's been 6 full months tomorrow and only now am I starting to feel at all like this is home now.

I don't think I have any good advice other than to be kind to yourself but if I think of something I'll let you know

[Riyko]

When you move to be with him take it one day at a time. Don't rush into wanting to do everything with him because he's so close as it can cause a lot of fighting because it will feel like there is no space between the two of you.

[stacyrose]

How did I handle it? Not very well I'm afraid. It was hard. Far harder than I ever expected. For some reason it's nothing like long visits. I felt trapped and hopeless and I'm sure for a while I made both our lives horrible. Even though we'd already lived together four months at the point we moved back to his home country, all of a sudden there was a lot of adjusting to do. There were rules to establish. I needed to figure out where I fit into his every day life, and where I fit into in the country. We had to establish what was acceptable, when it was alright to make decisions for each other.
I still have the feeling that I don't belong here, and as a pagan that sense is hightened, as I can't seem to connect to the land here as I did at home. Everyone talks with an accent that I rarely hear anymore, but when I first moved it was terribly annoying. I became irritated easily and would avoid conversations. The fact that people have a great deal of trouble understanding what I say took it's toll too. Things that were just cute differences Obi and I would joke over became points of contention with other people. People constantly corrected how I'd speak, or I'd have to correct myself because they didn't understand.
The homesickness was, and still is, damned terrible. I learnt that friends and family are harder to hold long distance realtions with because they simply don't have the dedication lovers have. Concessions Obi and I would make for each other aren't doable in other relationships. I learnt that not contacting home is much easier than "coming down" after contact. People back home miss me terribly and the guilt-trips come thickly on occasion.

It's been 6 full months tomorrow and only now am I starting to feel at all like this is home now.

I don't think I have any good advice other than to be kind to yourself but if I think of something I'll let you know

Yea that's one thing I was afraid of is the friends and family....most of my friends I already know I will probably never see or talk to again and I've come to terms with that, I was never much of a person that my friends cared to stay in contact with anyway, but I think when I start drifting away from family thats when it's gonna hit the hardest. My mom even told me once "I've already come to terms with the fact I'm going to have grandchildren I'm never going to get to be around or hold..." and little things like that sting cus its mostly true.

[Zephii]

That is sad, but I don't think it has to be true, or I don't think so any more. I'm determined my children will know both sides of their family, and if they don't I will have to admit to it being lazyness on my part that is the problem.
But, certainly it wont be as frequently as if we were all in the same town

[NaNi]

Well, I'm probably going to move to my SO's country in hopefully 2-ish years and I do think about it a lot. I'm really excited and happy to finally end the distance, but at the same time I worry about not seeing my mom anymore. We're really close. Of course I would make sure to visit her, or for her to visit me, but I'm not sure how often that will be possible. Probably once a year, if even. But there's not much you can do really. Either you move or you don't. Either way it's a sucky situation.

[USA2Canada]

I'm overall excited about it all, but its def hard to leave my mom and my dad hes sick with illness. I worry for when they get older.. but yeah it's just the way the situation is what can you do!