Serious Advice Wanted

[Anon]

I would like this to remain anonymous.

Our situation:

We are still in High School. She is 16 and I very recently turned 17. We met on a website called Interpals, a pen pal website to meet people from around the world and help you learn foreign languages. I live in the western part of the United States, and she lives all the way in France. We have never met in person, but we want to very badly. The trouble is, neither of us can. On top of having no money, neither of our parents would approve. To make matters worse, we won't be able to even after graduating from High School. She wants to move to the U.S. and live with me to study, but I have no idea how I am going to be able to afford living on my own. The only option I seem to have is staying with my parents through College, and my parents will not allow her to live with us. We are very scared of the future. We are young, yes, but I believe that we sincerely love each other. Perhaps I am just naive, perhaps I really don't. But it is my perception that I do, and I want very badly for us to be together physically. But I don't know how that is possible. Any advice you could offer would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

[snow_girl]

I think telling your parents would be the first step. Also getting a job might help to save some money. Paper route, dishwasher at a restaurant etc.

[Anon]

I do have a job right now. Pays minimum wage. And I may have to tell them sooner or later, but I am not yet ready for that.

[ThePiedPiper]

I think telling your parents would be the first step. Also getting a job might help to save some money. Paper route, dishwasher at a restaurant etc.

I agree with this. Why does a job not seem to be on the plates for either of you?

Also, if she can't afford a trip to the U.S., how is she going to afford schooling in the U.S.? It's not cheap, paying international fees, and unless there's some way around it in France, there's probably no way around it here. As far as I know, if you're on a visa, you're paying all the visa fees, international student fees, etc.

I think at this point, you two need to focus on meeting. While I believe that teenagers can experience love in their own way (I know I did and there are people on here who have been together since teen years), I also think that it is a bit naive to decide you want to figure out how to study and move in together before you've even met. Your relationship would fall to bits before you even knew what to do with yourselves. I would say you both need to consider getting a job, even if it's very basic and entry-level ,like snow_girl said and saving up to meet one another on a school holiday, not on getting her a visa so she can live with you and mooch off you while she studies here.

ETA: I just read your last post. I saved up for my first trip to see my SO on a minimum wage job. What about that is stopping you from seeing your SO? How many hours do you work? Do you have other expenses?

[Jmoc1024]

I agree with the other posts...save up money, and see her when it is possible. I know you are young and maybe fairly new to LDR and so am I but if there is one thing I have learned in the five months I am going on in my LDR is that sacrifices have to be made when they can be made not when we want them to be made. Start putting money away little by little. Make a plan, set a date on when you can go visit her, see how much a passport is going to cost (they are not cheap even if you are renewing...renewing alone can go up to almost $250) See what your college schedule looks like when you get it see what time you can squeeze in for each other. Video chat that way it brings you closer. Let her know of your plans. See if she can get a job as well and do the same thing you are doing...sacrifice for the relationship is of both parts. You both need to sit down and talk this out and focus on meeting and then working out how you will meet, how many times will you meet, and then take it from there and see how this fits into with college and the rest of things life brings both your ways.