work visa for the US and "not feeling ready" :(

[one-more-reason]

hello friends, long time no talk! I've been living in Australia with my SO for six months now and things are going really well! tomorrow is our two year anniversary, eek! (also, I'll just call him Ben because that's his name and I'm tired of writing "my SO" :P)

...this is going to be long, but please bear with me, I really need some help here.

I'll just give you all a run-down on our plans at this point, and do a bit of rambling about visas (sorry). I'm going to be in Australia until the end of July, then flying home to start graduate school in Boston. Ben graduates from uni in November. our really basic, optimistic plan is that he'll be able to get a job offer fairly quickly so he can get a sponsorship, and get a work visa to move to the States and we won't have to be apart for too terribly long. (if only it was that easy.)

we considered using the fiance visa, and I would love to be engaged to him! BUT we are most certainly not ready to be married within three months of his entering the US. we want to get married when we're more financially stable and when we feel ready, not because the law says we have to.

as for a work visa... Ben is incredibly smart, but hasn't had much practical work experience. he'll have his B.A. in computing and wants to go into video game development, but his only jobs have been like... food delivery and working at an after school child care place. nothing that will help him find a job in computing. he seems confident that he'll be able to find something, but I'm worried. I feel like any company in Boston who gets his resume is just going to be like "okay, who is this 21 year old Australian kid with no experience?" and it'll take AGES for him to get an offer.

I've also looked into the J1 visa, which is a student visa, but Ben could use it for 12 months after he graduates. the J1 sets him up with an internship position in the US. Ben doesn't really want to use it because it'll only get him into the US for 12-18 months and he's hoping to stay for at least long enough for me to finish graduate school (3ish years). I think the J1 would be great thing for him, because they probably won't expect him to have much experience, and having an internship in the US will be wonderful on his resume for the future! it'll give him a good foot in the door somewhere and could even lead to a company offering him a entry position and sponsoring him! that would be amazing.

has anyone here applied or have a SO who's successfully gotten into the US on a sponsored work visa? if you could give me any advice about applying, how Ben can make himself look good, processing times, difficulty, etc, that would be wonderful. feel free to PM me or anything.

...

NOW. this is where I really want advice from LFAD. I'm feeling a bit desperate here. Ben hasn't really been proactive in this whole visa search, I feel like I'm the one who's been doing all the research and trying to find ways for us to be together. while I've been in Australia I've been encouraging Ben to try to make himself more employable, like applying for an IT position at the library or doing some programming in his spare time to build up a good portfolio. I'd like to start preparing now, rather than after I leave, or after he graduates (...after we've already been apart for several months). I'd rather help him out while I'm here so that when I leave I'll have some confidence that I'll be seeing him within a reasonable time frame.

I do feel guilty about badgering him, but honestly, he has a lot of spare time that he just spends playing games or on Reddit. he tends to get annoyed when I bring up stuff about visas, and he says he's already busy with school, but really... he has a LOT of spare time. I brought everything up to him the other day, telling him that if he just used a little bit of his time preparing and scoping out job prospects it would make me a lot less stressed. I explained to him that I felt like getting a visa to the US to be with me wasn't a big priority for him. this all led to a conversation that... terrified me, honestly. and broke my heart a little bit.

he told me that right now he doesn't feel ready to move to the US. he said that he's certain he wants to be with me, and got very upset when I started crying about the situation. he's WANTED to come to the US all along, ever since I first met him, before we were together, he told me that he was going to move after graduation because the job market for computing is so much better in the US than in Australia. but then the other night, he basically said "I'll probably feel ready in a few months after I've graduated, but right now I don't want to move across the world." I asked if it was because he didn't want to leave his friends or family, and he said no and that he couldn't explain it, he was just scared and "didn't feel ready." my heart felt like it was hit by a train. I asked him what that meant for us, and he said that he WOULD come to the US for me, and he did agree that it was the best place for him to get a job. but... his hesitance just makes me want to cry.

so I have no idea what any of this means or what to do! I don't think I'm asking too much by encouraging him to think about jobs now, but I feel bad that he's feeling overwhelmed. I don't know what I can do to help him feel okay. he's visited me in the US before, met my friends and family, we've been to Boston together a few times and he loved it. I told him that at least he can feel safe about moving in with me and that I'd be right there with him while he was getting used to his new internship or job... but I don't know how else to help him. I want him to be happy and excited to move, get a job, and start the next part of his life! but right now he just doesn't want to think about it and I'm feeling helpless.

any advice about the visa process would be really helpful! and any thoughts or words of comfort about the rest would be wonderful. I hope those of you who have moved across a state/country/the world can give me some ideas to make him feel better about it.

thanks, guys. <3

(on the brighter side, like I said, tomorrow is our two year anniversary! we're going to a cute little farmers/crafty market in the morning and then a lunch date somewhere nice. yay. )

[Tooki]

Have you read into how likely it is for Ben to get sponsored in the US? Also how are his marks? What is his GPA? I'm not sure how US companies perceive overseas degrees but every country seems to have its own level of bias.

Ben also needs to get his shit together. Can't he do some volunteer experience so he can at least be competitive if he does move to the US? Otherwise he is going to be a nobody in the sea of US-graduates who want a job as well.

[lucybelle]

I'm sorry, I didn't read your whole post.

Work visas are almost impossible to get in the USA. An employer would have to sponsor him and prove that he could do the job better than a US citizen. Which is expensive and a lot more work for the employer, so why would they do it? You almost have to be a professional athlete or a genius surgeon of some kind to get that sort of sponsorship. Random recent college graduate A with no real world experience is not going have a chance.

Find a new way. Work visas are NOT your answer. Sorry.

[Tooki]

I'm sorry, I didn't read your whole post.

Work visas are almost impossible to get in the USA. An employer would have to sponsor him and prove that he could do the job better than a US citizen. Which is expensive and a lot more work for the employer, so why would they do it? You almost have to be a professional athlete or a genius surgeon of some kind to get that sort of sponsorship. Random recent college graduate A with no real world experience is not going have a chance.

Find a new way. Work visas are NOT your answer. Sorry.

Pretty much

The only option for him to enter the US Work Market would be as an experienced professional, which Ben is not.

[Dezface]

Agree with the others. Work visas are a no-go. You'll have to either do the internship one which I don't know much about, or get married. But I have to say, there's a reason almost everyone that emigrates to the US gets married. It's by far the most realistic option. That being said, if you're not ready, you're not ready. You may just have to be long distance until you are.

On the other part of your post-moving across the world is incredibly scary and daunting. The two weeks before my SO arrived to "pick me up," I was a disaster. I seriously considered not going every day. I had nightmares, I called him sobbing. It was really bad. Even after he flew in to spend my last week in the States with me, I was scared. Hell, even the flight over I was questioning my decision. It ended up being the right thing for me. Of course I still have moments where I get scared and I miss my friends and family, but so far, I'm happy. So it works. And even through my fits of terror, I believed that once I was here, with my love, I would feel much better about everything.

All that was to say, your SO has every right to be terrified. I can't imagine many things scarier than hopping countries. As much as I know it scares you and breaks your heart, you have to let him decide when he's ready. My SO constantly told me that as much as he wanted me here, he wanted me to be happy even more. If that meant staying in the US then he would deal with that. He told me that up until the day we left. I know how much it killed him to say that, but I needed to hear it. I needed him to give me the reassurance that I could do what I needed *for me.* And in the end, it paid off. You have to have faith that he'll ultimately decide that with you is where he belongs, but you can't force it on him. Good luck.

[chizatlauren]

Hi, my SO and I have been doing research into how he can get me to live in the US too, and I think a work visa is impossible to gain there if you don't have an employer who's ready to sponsor you.

I myself as the one who is going to move there, am scared and confused and disoriented. The US is different from Australia, and it's not his comfort zone. You have to understand that going anywhere that is not your home country without knowing anybody is difficult enough for him, and all these visa process might be driving him crazier. Try to encourage him and ask him about his uncertainties. Forcing him into it won't work in the long run, and he might just blame you if he goes to the US with you and he doesn't become happy and successful there.

To tell you the truth, fiance visa/spouse visa is still the only effective way to get to the States right now. If you're not planing on getting married anytime soon, you have to lay your cards on the table and ask him about what his plans are right now for your relationship.

[kittyo9]

I've looked into work visas and stuff, too, but I've found that it's really, really difficult unless you are someone who a) has been working professionally for a number of years or b) has a Ph.D. and is uniquely talented (specialization in a particular area). I'm sorry to have to agree with everyone else in that respect.

Is he interested in doing grad school at all? That's what my boyfriend wants to do... he wants to come here to get his Ph.D. and if we end up getting married, then he can just apply for adjustment of status. It's unfortunate that marriage is taken more seriously than careers.

[lucybelle]

It's unfortunate that marriage is taken more seriously than careers.

Although I do think there should be more options for legally staying long-ish term in the USA, I totally understand why work visas are hard to get. They're hard to get to just about any country (unless you're Canada-UK-Australia) Costa Rica is the same- in order for a foreigner to be hired the company must prove a local couldn't do the job. I get why they have to do it, otherwise they could potentially hire a whole bunch of foreigners who will accept less pay. Sort of what like happens in the USA, expect those migrant workers are normally still illegal.