Whats better for the relationship..closing distance before marriage..or after?

[katiecat08]

If I moved down to New Mexico where my boyfriend lives before were engaged or even married..I'd have to get a place of my own until then.(I don't believe in cohabitation). We'd be able to go to marriage counseling when we did get engaged in the same state. But I don't know if it would be better to wait and close the distance when we actually go engaged since it would be a bit complicated finding a place down there for myself until then or until we actually marry. My boyfriend said he still wants to be able to take me out on dates and stuff since were not able to do that now. What did you do when you were in your LDR? Mind you these are just questions for now. Were nowhere near marriage yet but we wanted to discuss these options when the time comes.

[lyonsgirl]

If I moved down to New Mexico where my boyfriend lives before were engaged or even married..I'd have to get a place of my own until then.(I don't believe in cohabitation). We'd be able to go to marriage counseling when we did get engaged in the same state. But I don't know if it would be better to wait and close the distance when we actually go engaged since it would be a bit complicated finding a place down there for myself until then or until we actually marry. My boyfriend said he still wants to be able to take me out on dates and stuff since were not able to do that now. What did you do when you were in your LDR? Mind you these are just questions for now. Were nowhere near marriage yet but we wanted to discuss these options when the time comes.

I'm confused. You say you don't believe in cohabitation, but, plan on living together? If you mean you don't believe in living together before marriage, okay, don't live together before you get married. It's really not that hard to find a place to live in on your own. Promise. In a new state? Nope, not that hard. I've done it. 3 times. Soon to be 4. Also, if you're no where near getting married, why would you get engaged?

Just my $0.02, but... if you don't believe in living together before marriage, is it because of a religious reason? If so, here's hoping you're not intimate with each other. It's all or nothing, IMO. But, I digress. (A fair amount.)

My SO & I lived together for 4 months a little over a year ago. We didn't intend on it, but it happened. He was going to get his own place when he found a job & could afford it. In any case. We were not thrilled about living together - and something we did that most people think is a little odd is that we actually slept in separate rooms. I could afford a 2 bedroom place on my own. So I got it. When he moved in, it worked out. I dunno, it's something to consider.

[lademoiselle]

I think it depends on how you define CTD. For some couples it means living under the same roof, but for others, living nearby is equally valid. I've been reflecting on this topic in recent months; I used to think that moving straight in with my SO would be the best thing to do but for some time I haven't been so sure. Now I'm leaning more towards the idea of living in the same area (if possible) until we're married, or engaged at the very least. That isn't for religious reasons, but simply because I don't want to spend years acting as if we're a married couple when we actually aren't. This is an opinion based on factors personal to mine and my SO's relationship, mind; I don't think that way about cohabiting in general. Anyway, to answer your question specifically, I'd say what would be better for us is closing the distance before marriage but moving in together afterwards.

[Peachy]

I don't know how often you see each other in your LDR... but my Bf and I are about a 3 hr plane ride away from one another. We do our best to see each other every 3 weeks or so. Often times, we see each other twice a month. We are planning to close the distance in 2014... and I will be engaged or married on paper (for K1 Visa) prior to me moving. I will be moving from Canada to the US (Arizona). I will be leaving a lot of stability here and in order for me to do so, I want commitment. I could probably apply for a work visa today (as I work in a highly specialized industry) and move tomorrow... but I'd rather be in a LDR for a few years and know that he is the one I want to marry before moving out of the Country. I have a great life here and the only reason I would change that is for my love... We actually talked about it this weekend. We always talk about a partnership and what we feel is a happy marriage/relationship. He knows that I am willing to uproot my life and rebuild my career in Arizona (which I know I can) and I know that when I am ready to make that move that he is ready to support me with the transition and commit to me as I've committed in changing a lot of my life for him.

I've talked to many LD couples and the common break down of relationships are people who move too quick because it's a bit tough missing them at this moment. I would wait and see if he's the one you want to marry... if you'd never consider moving until you met him, I would wait until you're ready for that commitment before you make that big jump.