Studying Abroad

[pytsip]

When I first started college, I was in a relationship with another guy, and I had always wanted to study abroad in China or Japan but I never really followed through with it because I was in a relationship and didn't want to leave him behind. He and I broke up, I transferred schools a few times and then settled in at the university that I"m at now. When my boyfriend told me that he was planning on staying in China until at least next August, I decided that now is my chance to do the study abroad that i have always wanted to do. After reseaching Japan and realizing that that wasn't really where I wanted to end up, I discovered a program at Fudan University in Shanghai. The program is perfect for me and perfect for my degree.

The problem I have, is that all my friends seem to think that the reason I want to go to Shanghai China is because Belvy (my boyfriend) is there. Shanghai is about an hour train ride from Hangzhou which is where he is. While I think that it will help tremendously with the communication problems that we have, this move isn't really about "closing the distance" between us as much as it is what I have always wanted to do.

I don't know, it's like my friends are making it seem like that when I go there if I see him on occasions that it's a bad thing. To me, this is just a perk in the whole thing, but I can't seem to bring myself to telling them that yes I am excited that I'm going to only be an hour train ride away from him, but that mostly I'm just excited to go. I'm confused, I just don't know how to even talk to my friends about the whole thing because I feel like they all think I'm making a mistake by going there. I don't really know what i'm looking for by posting this thread, I guess i'm just looking for opinions on the situation.

[William]

I'm in the same situation as you are. I'm also gonna study an hour away from my SO next year.
Since I was 10, I've wanted to study in the UK. And the uni I'm going to happens to be the best one for my course in the country. The fact that I met her and that the uni is close to her is a total coincidence. Had we not met, I would still have gone there.
Still, no one believes me when I explain that. Everyone thinks my choice was based on her.

Just ignore others when they want to be stupid and biased. They don't understand what drives us. They should be congratulating us on the happy coincidence, rather than telling us off for something we aren't even doing to begin with.

[pytsip]

I guess what i don't understand is what if he was the reason I went there? I mean, he's not, but that's not to say that once I graduate if he decides he wants to stay there longer, that I'm not going to seriously consider moving there to be with him. That's what upsets me I guess, isn't the fact that they don't believe me, I know in my heart the reason why I want to be there and yeah it's frustrating, but I really don't understand why it should be a problem either way, what ever my reasoning was for being there. I love him and ultimately I want to be with him, I would do anything for him, I'm not going to jeopardize my career and my education, but I'm ultimately not going to jeopardize what I believe is my future happiness with someone I love either.

[Butterfly-x]

Its your life and your friends cant and shouldn't make you feel guilty for pursuing your dream (if they were indeed good friends). They should support you and be even thrilled that you get to be 1hr away from your boy.
You just need to do what makes you happy in the end!
Best wishes
x

[OneForTheRomance]

Even if that was the ONLY reason you chose to go to China, is there anything wrong with that? I studied abroad in England for 3 semesters because that is where my boyfriend lives. It ended up costing me over $40,000 that I will have to pay back after I graduate but I do not regret it. Even if you guys got to see each other every other weekend, or even just once a month. The type of experiences you guys could have together in a foreign country can be nothing short of extremely bonding and healthy for your relationship.

I think this sounds like a win win situation. You get to be in your own cities, and on your own programs, but when you need each other you are only a train ride away. You can also take turns playing tour guide for each other in your respective cities. Sounds like a blast! I'm jealous

[annamorgan]

Maybe your friends are just jealous or sad to see you go. Anyway, studying abroad could do a lot for you, open your mind to new things! And seeing your boyfriend more often will help out your relationship as well. Your friends should be happy that you're excited.

[Zephii]

Being your mates, they probably just don't want you that far away from them and they'll say wahtever they need to say to get you to rethink that.

Do they know you considered other countries as well? That you wanted to study abroad for a long time? Have you asked simply "what is your problem"? Maybe they are just jealous, or maybe they can see something more objectivly that might be worth hearing. Who knows?

At the end of the day though, it's your life, your decision. Do what you want to do, because regretting not doing it would really suck... better to regret something you have done than something you haven't and all that

[noodle]

I dont think its bad, Im actually lookin at unis that have a partnership/exchange thingy with his uni haha
I mean even if it doesnt work out between you guys who cares uni is uni, plus why not chose one that is close to the one you love?
Maybe that's just me cause like I know that here in Europe all the Unis have the same reputation it basically doesnt matter where you study, which is different in the states and UK (as far as I know)
So yea I wouldnt care what my friends say It'd be stupid if you hate China and dislike the language etc and really just do it for him but as you say its not just cause of him so yea why not go for it!

[Swederica]

I think you should go for it.
The first few weeks might either be exciting or scary until you've settled down and everything.

My parents and friends weren't all that happy over me moving to america either, but they realized that i did not care much for what they thought.

[paulawriteslove]

Don't listen to your friends. You've wanted to go China and since your SO is there, that just makes it better! They could be jealous that you get to study in China and that you get to be close to your SO.

[nicole]

So long as you know that your doing it for the right reasons, then your friends shouldn't be an issue. They care for you, but at the end of the day, you have to do what you know is best for you, regardless of them or even your SO. My father was worried that when I went for my exchange year to America, I would meet a boy and quit college to be with him. He was right, I did meet a boy, but there was never an issue with me quitting college. I'm going to finish my degree no matter what! I may have sacrificed going to a better graduate school to be with him when I go back, but it's also the school I would have probably chosen if I hadn't met him- I have friends and good contacts in the field there. My family and friends here know if I have a goal, nothing they say will change my mind, so they just go along with it lol

If its really bothering you that your friends aren't really on board with it, try to enforce how good the course is for you, and also, if you were going just for him, why would you bother going somewhere an hour a way? wouldn't you just apply for a school in the same city? - just a thought you could share with them! lol

[pytsip]

Thanks everyone, I definitely needed to hear some of the things you said, it does bother me that my friends can't be understanding without questioning my motives, there are definitely the perks that he is going to only be an hour train ride away, I just can't seem to understand why my friends think thats a bad thing. I'm glad there are so many people here who feel the same way I do and I'm glad I'm not completely naive for thinking my friends are being unsupportive of my decision.

[pytsip]

I think this sounds like a win win situation. You get to be in your own cities, and on your own programs, but when you need each other you are only a train ride away. You can also take turns playing tour guide for each other in your respective cities. Sounds like a blast! I'm jealous

See I was thinking that, actually, that's one thing that I was really excited about! Because although he flew into Shanghai, he really just flew in, got on the train and went to Hangzhou, I'm so excited about Shanghai, I feel like I know so much about it already and about all the places I want to go see when I'm there and I'd love for him to be able to come visit some weekend and for me to show him all around, like I want to do this to experience Shanghai, but I think the fun part is going to be having someone who's close enough that once I do experience it, I can share it, and it's so awesome that that person is also the love of my life!

[pytsip]

So a huge twist in the whole thing. As I said before, the whole reason why I had not done study abroad before was because I didn't want to be leaving someone behind. I just got news that my SO and his best friend are now coming home in January to finish their degrees. So as it appears, I will now be the one leaving him behind while I go to China.

[hellojamie]

Sorry you have such unsupportive friends. In my group of friends, nearly all of us have studied abroad or have serious plans to. They really should be happy for you for getting the experience, rather than trying to keep you home.

I say go for it. I've studied abroad and got to experience so many things I never would have gotten to otherwise. What other time in your life will you have a chance to explore so many new places, learn about a different culture, and see a different part of the world? It shouldn't have anything to do with seeing your SO- like you said, it's a perk, but it's only the icing on the cake, and your friends should understand that.

My advice is that it's your life, live it the way YOU want to. If you're happy with your decisions and your choices, it shouldn't matter what anyone else says.