Advice on a fair way of closing the distance.

[vcntrygrlv]

Hello....I have a question....I have found some posts that kind of answered this question but not exactly.....

I have been talking to my guy for over a year now, we met on Xbox. We have talked about, and planned, meeting in person several times, but something always seems to go wrong.

We have also talked about living together. I cannot move to where he is, as I would in a heart beat, even though Iowa does not sound too exciting, I love him and that's all that matters, but I have kids that I must share with my ex and leaving here would mean leaving my children, that I cannot do. It just seems like things are taking forever and I know you guys who have been going through it longer will hate me for that one lol, but I am the type that if I know what I want I want it NOW and I will do whatever it takes to get it.

Well, he is getting laid off from his job, they are out sourcing to another country. This to me seems like a perfect opportunity to move, as he has said himself that there are many more job opportunities here with his degree then in Iowa. But I think he is having some reservations, which is understandable as we haven't even met, and I have struggled a little with the distance, so maybe he thinks I might not want this...I do want this, I did not want the distance.

I am wondering if, as a gesture of good faith to prove I am serious and that I love him should I fly up there for a week to meet in person? And meet his family. I am not sure if this is better or having him fly down for a week, because he is the one who will be moving and he should know whether he will like the area, and where I live and to meet my children, see how they interact. He has played xbox with them and they text him as well and seem to like him and he likes them as well, but in person they might be too much

Either way I would be willing to pay for the ticket, since he would be doing the moving.

Does anyone have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions? I know that this would be a huge leap of faith on his part, as I am not risking anything, if it doesn't work out, he is stuck here in Florida alone.

[Moon]

A gesture of good faith? It think meeting first is more a gesture of good common sense. You really should meet before having him move, you just never know what's going to happen in real life, even if you think you do, especially if you have kids involved. We ALL want to close the distance like yesterday, but I don't think there are too many people here who would advise you to close it before meeting, preferably more than once. You should visit him at least once, and he should visit you, then you can think about going CD. You really need to think about all of this logically, not emotionally, you don't want some guy you've never met before moving in with you and your children, that is never a good idea, regardless of how well you feel you know him. Good luck.

[Dezface]

Agree with Moon. I really think you should try to have a couple of visits before you move. Ideally, he would come see you and you would go see him. You're right about him needing to see the area, meet your kids, etc... but it's also wise of you to meet his family and friends and see where he's from. It shows that you care and I would also assume you'd be spending some time there in the future.

I really, strongly advise you take a step back and get a couple visits under your belt before anyone moves anywhere.

[vcntrygrlv]

The issue is time. He will be out of work at the end of the month. Believe me, I want to meet him in person first too. And if things hadn't gotten in the way, we would have met a couple times already. That's why I thought maybe I fly up there in 2 weeks, when his job ends. Then he comes down here to visit after that and submit resumes and see where that takes him and decide our fate from there.

Believe me, I'm not delusional and think that everything is going to be perfect and wonderful and I don't pretend to KNOW anything. I FEEL something and he does too. And I can't be sure everything he has said is true (how would you ever know) but he is the one that would be taking the risk..... and if he hasn't lied to me about a single thing.... there should be no problems.... if he has....guess that will be his problem I suppose.

So I guess I know that what you are saying makes sense. But some circumstances are different and kind of force a different solution then what one would normally do. And even if he were only just a good friend I would lend him a couch until he got back on his feet. Because that's the kind of person I am. Even if it has backfired on me many times.... I refuse to let that change me :-)

[Freespirited]

Just my two cents, you should meet him first and get a good feel about your situation as a couple before he even meets your children. If you and the kids meet him at the same time and it falls through for whatever reason, then your children won't be as disappointed in the long run. Good luck to you all

[CutieTii]

Well, If you want my side, My SO and I met and moved in together on the day we met, And we are very happy... I would suggest if you want to do something like we do get him a return ticket anyway for like a month or so that what we did but we didn't really use it but we did ofc go back together to see/meet his parents
But I do agree with some points just think what you want first but always have a back up plan.

[vcntrygrlv]

Thank you for all the replies. I ended up flying up to meet him..... both of us nervous as hell.....but it all worked out. I still love him....nothing has changed....except that I want him here with me even more now. :-)

[SJ22]

These situations always remind me of MTVs show Catfish...