Someone snap me out of this....

[kellybleedinghearts]

Hi there, I am in such a weird place right now, hopefully its hormones and I want someone to tell me im being stupid.

My and boyfriend have been long distance for nearly five years now. In that time I moved back to my parents (pay rent etc) and my brother however my boyfriend has moved 6 times in that five year period.

I havent moved or moved in with him that time as he was forever changing his mind and I had a nice situation living with my family because we get on well.
And I didnt mind travelling to see him wherever he lived.

Now we have a chance at closing the distance. In the city where we went to University together. And I am freaking out!

My boyfriend wanted us to move in straight away together, Ive told him I cant because its such a big step I dont want to rush it. He is so used to it - moving to somewhere new but now that it might actually happen Im so so scared.

All I can think about is not seeing my family everyday, my brother, my friends, the cost of travelling, having to commute to work because Im not a confident driver and not being able to go to my fitness classes with my mum three times a week (silly i know!).

Please dont take this as I am being ungrateful because I know what others on here are going through.
I just honestly have no idea whats wrong with mee.

Any advice is appreciated and please be frank, maybe thats what i need xxxx

[differentcountries]

it is natural that you feel that you should miss your folks, since you will see less of them. The travelling costs is a practical problem, I am sure you can find a solution to it as time goes by. And I think maybe you need a new traing buddy

[Hollandia]

After 5 years, it is not really "such a big step" unless you are still unsure. If my SO was not ready to move in together after 5 years, I would run. It sounds like you are rationalizing reasons not to move in with him. You either want to or not. You will still see your family, just not as much. Who would you rather see more, the man you love or you family? You have to be willing make sacrifices sometimes to be with the one you love, or perhaps it is not meant to be. Only you knows this. Life is full of risks but this one would come with a pretty big reward.

[squeeker]

I get the freak out thing.

Though my SO and I are still, unfortunately, over a year (probably up to a few more years, I won't count) away from closing the distance and being able to move in together, we started talking about it more and more trying to figure out solutions and ways to accomplish it, being international and all, and he also had started saying how he could really buy an engagement ring and propose whenever he wanted, sort of taking back control, that I would be surprised when he did.. though I know he won't do it now because he's a struggling student like me (though we both had to do this to ourselves to be able to gain the opportunities to get a better job to save up for a good future together).

But anyways how it's related to your freak out is that I started having stupid freak outs when I started to think about how maybe I would move to him first for a bit, even though we want to eventually settle in Canada.. but to do that his dad has to come because his dad is all alone in the UK because he's divorced and their family is broken basically. So we had been discussing me moving there, though my SO doesn't like it as much because he doesn't want to disappoint my parents. I want to live with him and I like the UK and wouldn't mind living there. But then I did start thinking about it more and every now and then I get this weird feeling where I realize I'm growing up, well practically am all grown up now at 23 years old, and am making my own decisions and bigger decisions than I had to make a few years ago.. maybe that's why you are freaking out..

Actually it probably has a lot to do with it.. because you have been living with parents and family for so long now, moving in with your boyfriend is a big step, and a sign of growing up, and it's scary.. but if you love your boyfriend and see yourself with him in the future, it will be so worth it, I'm sure. You just have to take that leap. Don't worry. You'll be fine, you can still talk with your family and go back on visits from time to time. Don't worry about it. Take a deep breath, and try and get used to the idea. Maybe ask your boyfriend if you could have a month or two, because all though you want to move in with him, you can't jump up and pack and leave that day and you need time to tell everyone, pack up and get ready. I'm sure after 5 years your boyfriend knows you and will understand because it's hard if it's all of a sudden.

Good luck and I hope everything goes well.

[Yaaamiii]

Wow. I literally went through something almost exactly like this last week. I got a job in a city closer to my SO (we're currently 5-6 hours away driving, I had the opportunity to move about 1.5 hours away) but for very similar reasons, and a few others that were a bit too much for me to handle (nothing to do with my SO himself), I couldn't do it...and chose to stay living at home instead. My SO is very used to what I would have done, moving around and such...but I just wasn't.

You just kinda gotta weigh your options and do what you feel is best. My SO was supportive of my decision, knowing we wouldn't be a shorter drive away. Try making a list of pros and cons and whatever you do, don't let anyone pressure you. I let a few people do this to me last week, and as a result I kept going back and forth between decisions.

I will say though, everyone has to move out of their parents homes eventually. You'll eventually want to start a life with him, I'm assuming. If my SO was in the city I was going to potentially move to, I would have done it in a heart beat, even though I knew I'd be leaving home behind. I would be sad as well, but it had to happen eventually.

Has he ever been opposed to moving to your city? Since you say he's moved around so much?

[Yaaamiii]

After 5 years, it is not really "such a big step" unless you are still unsure. If my SO was not ready to move in together after 5 years, I would run. It sounds like you are rationalizing reasons not to move in with him. You either want to or not. You will still see your family, just not as much. Who would you rather see more, the man you love or you family? You have to be willing make sacrifices sometimes to be with the one you love, or perhaps it is not meant to be. Only you knows this. Life is full of risks but this one would come with a pretty big reward.

I'm not trying to start an argument or discussion on this...but I think it's rather unfair that you ask her who she would rather be with...

[Dezface]

I'm not trying to start an argument or discussion on this...but I think it's rather unfair that you ask her who she would rather be with...

I don't see how that's unfair. It's reality. It's a choice pretty much all of us who move have to make. I poised that question to myself when I was going through a freak out phase before moving. I decided that while I'd still have a family to go home and visit if I left, the same couldn't be said for having my SO. I knew I wanted a life with him, kids, etc..that couldn't happen if I never took the leap and moved away from my family. As much as I love those back home, the choice was clear.

OP-it's completely understandable to be scared. But at the end of the day, you have to make a choice. I wish you luck in deciding!

[newrytoballymena]

I don't see how that's unfair. It's reality. It's a choice pretty much all of us who move have to make. I poised that question to myself when I was going through a freak out phase before moving. I decided that while I'd still have a family to go home and visit if I left, the same couldn't be said for having my SO. I knew I wanted a life with him, kids, etc..that couldn't happen if I never took the leap and moved away from my family. As much as I love those back home, the choice was clear.

I think this sums up the price of a long distance relationship. Ultimately one or both of you is going to have to leave all of those you love behind. Its not nice and you are choosing. However just think of it as ending one distance relationship and starting many others. Those who love and support you will always be there for you so don't be afraid of change. It can be good.

I hadn't even started going out with Shane (we just admitted having a connection) when I applied for my current job which is 2hrs away instead of 4 and half hours. It was in a place I had never been to and I didn't know a single person. Yet 11 months later it was the best decision I ever made. I wound up making a ton of new friends, improving my relationship with Shane (we see each other every week instead of every 2 weeks). Yes it is further away from family and friends and yes I do miss them. However I would make the same choice a hundred times over.

My advice OP is, look at moving as a great chance to grow as a person and to improve you're life.

[Yaaamiii]

Oh please don't get me wrong, I agree that she'll eventually have to go anyway. I said so in my original post. In my case, it wasn't the right time for me to move out yet, for personal reasons, and my SO was supportive of my decision. I'll be sad leaving home next year, but I know it has to happen and it is what it is.

I just felt it was a bit of a loaded question is all, since she already seems to be having a hard time with it. IMO, it might add more stress to the already difficult choice. But then again maybe not.

OP- like I said, you just need to quiet your mind and think about it. If you feel you could never move to him because you'd feel guilty leaving your family...well, a LDR has to end eventually you know?