LAT (Living Apart Together)

[TriniCherryPrincess]

Has anyone heard about this? I had considered this lifestyle with my SO but I didn't know there was an actual term and that studies had been done on it. You can look it up on Wikipedia, but it's basically a couple living close in distance (maybe in the same town) and separately...I assume that there is an agreement that living together is not on the table. Some studies have shown that couples can thrive when they have their own space instead of sharing one.
Has anyone else ever considered it? Anyone currently doing this and happy with the arrangement?

[lyonsgirl]

Sure, when I was dating my college boyfriends we were "LAT", since we were living together. But, it's not something I would consider doing with my husband.

Out of curiosity, why are you considering it? I assume you're not married, would you move in together if you get married, or stay apart?

[TriniCherryPrincess]

I think it's something to consider for at least a long while. He has mentioned it also- he told me that he won't be ready to live with anyone else for a long time. He is very used to living on his own and very much loves his space. Me, I have never lived on my own and think I want that opportunity. Also, there was the experience of me living with him for 2 months this past summer that was kind of unpleasant...

[kittyo9]

Personally, I'm not interested in living away from my SO once we're within a reasonable proximity. It's less expensive to live together and we get along really well and genuinely enjoy each other's company.

[Moon]

Maybe I'm confused, but isn't this LAT thing also known as "dating" in the CD world? Doesn't everyone usually live apart, until somewhere down the road they decide to live together?

[TriniCherryPrincess]

Personally, I'm not interested in living away from my SO once we're within a reasonable proximity. It's less expensive to live together and we get along really well and genuinely enjoy each other's company.

Yes, it can be cheaper to combine incomes and convenient to live in one place.

Maybe I'm confused, but isn't this LAT thing also known as "dating" in the CD world? Doesn't everyone usually live apart, until somewhere down the road they decide to live together?

It can be considered that way but some participants in the studies were married and/or had children together.

[TriniCherryPrincess]

This topic is one I found on another forum being discussed by indviduals that are in LDRs. Many of them were into the idea and I just wanted to bring it over to this forum that is dedicated to LDRs because i was curious. Ideally, I'd like to live with my partner but I'm not sure how possible that is going to be.

[OperaDiva]

A friend of my mom's is like that. She is in her 50s, still married to her husband, but they have separate apartments. They are both really independent people, creative types, and as far as I know it works really well for them.

[lyonsgirl]

Ideally, I'd like to live with my partner but I'm not sure how possible that is going to be.

Why wouldn't it be possible?

[lucybelle]

Honestly- I think it's a pretty silly idea. The reason couples live together is probably not so much so they see each other 24/7, but to share costs. It's convenient. I mean imagine a couple with children paying for two apartments or two houses!! Gosh it just seems expensive.

[Bluejay Belle]

I understand it from a "personal space" standpoint. However, having the convenience of cost sharing and ability to rely on someone else for, say, dishes, is pretty nifty. I can see how it would lead to more personal development, though.

[differentcountries]

I know some people practice that, my college did for a while. She was very used to having her own space and did not want to ruin the relationship (or her space). Eventually they decided to move together. I know some people just don't like to live together. Some will get at house spacious enough to that it is a little bit like living apart. I guess there are many ways to do things.

[TriniCherryPrincess]

Why wouldn't it be possible?

I'm graduating next May and as soon as I find a job in my field I plan to move to wherever that job is (even if it's close to where I live now; I just want to be out of my current living situation ASAP). My SO is unsure about what he wants to do with his life and he suffers from depression. He can't give me any definite answers about much right now. From what discussions of this topic we have had, in order to close the distance I have to move to where he is, but not move in with him. So, I figure if I can at least live in the same city as him or within 30min it will be close distance and that will be better for me. Then, after that happens I can't really say what's going to happen.

[TriniCherryPrincess]

Honestly- I think it's a pretty silly idea. The reason couples live together is probably not so much so they see each other 24/7, but to share costs. It's convenient. I mean imagine a couple with children paying for two apartments or two houses!! Gosh it just seems expensive.

Children are expensive as it is so I really don't know how those couples afford it. I guess they must be pretty wealthy!

[snow]

I would never do that. Especially after being in an LDR - I just feel like it'd make no sense to have two appartments after I moved to be with him.