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Need advice for closing the distance..

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    #1

    Need advice for closing the distance..

    Hello everyone.. This is my first time ever posting on a forum (yay)

    Anyways, I am in a long distant relationship with a guy I have known since 6th grade. We liked each other off and on for a long time since then, but recently made it official since we are older and can now meet in person when possible. He is 19 years old and I am 18. I started dating him May 4, 2011. As of now, we are heading towards our 3 year anniversary.

    He lives in North Carolina and I live in Alabama.

    Currently, he is a freshman in college and I'm finishing up my senior year in high school.
    I am planning on going to college, also. I wanted to go to his college but my parents were not very happy about that and also out of state tuition is double..
    So I decided to stay another two years here in Alabama and just attend a Community College because, after all, the first two years of college will just be basics. So, I am comfortable staying in Alabama for another two years. Now my plan is to get my Associates Degree and then move to NC and attend his college. (Depending on my financial situation I might have to live there for a year so out of state tuition won't be a problem.) But anyways, attend UNCC (which is a very good school so that's a plus also.) This school is perfect for what I want to major in.

    Me and my mother talked about this a few weeks ago, what were my plans after graduating high school. I told her that I was going to attend a Community College here then hopefully move up to NC with my SO and attend his school. She basically said even though she does not want me to leave and she'll miss me, that is fine. I can do whatever I'd like. It was nice to hear that my mother is supporting me on this situation. As for my dad he doesn't really care where I go.

    Couple of nights ago we were out at dinner with some of my mom's friends. One asked me what college am I planning on attending and I told him what I wanted to do. My mom kind of embarrassed me and was guilt tripping me the entire time about it. It really confused me and then her friends just all tag-teamed me and started saying I shouldn't move for a boy or attend a school for a boy. It hurt my feelings that they didn't take the time to view it in my perspective and also them not supporting me in my decision. Most of all my own mother didn't stand up for me when she knows that the guy I am with makes me insanely happy and I can't imagine my life without him.

    So my question is, how do I handle my mom not supporting my decision? How do I handle the guilt trips? What would you guys do?

    I want to be able to talk to my mom about this so I can start planning things with schooling and be prepared. I understand she doesn't want me to go, but I'm doing this for me. I'll be 20 by the time I get my Associates, almost 21. My SO will be 22. I don't want to wait another 5 years to settle down ..

    Sorry this post was so long. I wanted to make sure everyone understood the story completely.
    "If the only place where I could see you was in my dreams, I'd sleep forever."

    "And as days go by, the memories remain.
    I'll wait for you
    As days go by, I swear I'll try.
    Until I die.
    I'll do anything for you."
    Tags: advice needed, closing distance, college ldr
    #2
    If your dad does not care where you go, you can try to get his support. If you want your mum to reconsider, you so will have to charm her. The good advice of your mother 's friends is that you must be sure to take care of your education and your social life. If you do that, there is no reason why you can't be with him
    Last edited by differentcountries; January 13, 2014, 04:21 PM.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

    Comment

      #3
      Your mother enlisted her friends to gang up on you and express the opinion she didn't want to express to you herself.

      Unless your parents are paying for your college, I would just continue with your plans. If they are, you need to sit down with them and calmly explain your side and see what you can do to get them on board. If push comes to shove, you can receive financial aid. Also start looking into scholarships.

      My own personal opinion as a mother? (my stepdaughter is 25 now) Would you have ever considered attending UNCC in spite of your boyfriend? Be honest with yourself. If so, then I'd allow you to go wholeheartedly. If you are going JUST to be with your boyfriend, I'd probably have the same reservations as your mother. But you'll be an adult and there is not much I could do, except not pay to support the decision.


      When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

      True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

      When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

      1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

      Comment

        #4
        Having a history of a couple of serious disagreements with my mother, I can relate. I was 23 years old, when she pitched a fit about a man I was dating. She thought she knew best and could make me do what she wanted. It was for me to decide. She and I had a serious falling out over that; she is very controlling. I stood my ground, not so much because of the guy, but because I was an adult. Of course, I did end up breaking up with the guy, and my mother and I did make up. She still brings all that up to this day.

        Now I'm a mother, and I watch her try to control my teenage daughter. I play referee between the two. I think from my heartaches with my mother, I've learned to be more understanding. Yes, you will make mistakes and your mother might have an instinct you don't, but you have to make those mistakes on your own. Hopefully, you are at least listening to what others say. At your age, I had the tendency to tune everyone out, since I might hear something I didn't want to hear. You can listen, then you can take time to weigh everything out. If you still want to go to NC, at least your mother will know you gave it careful consideration.

        For talking to your mother - the best way I have been able approach my mother (and it's harder now with me more of a caregiver to her and her trying to stay independent) is to approach her gradually with something. Try to start with very short conversations about it, when you both are not rushed. Try to pick a time when you are doing something that bonds you two together. My daughter and I talk better when we are doing something together, like walking or cooking. Work your way into more serious and longer talks about it. Stay calm and throw emotions out the door. Try to give her facts to show you've thought it out and aren't just moving on a whim.

        It's hard for a mother to have a child move far away, and it's harder still if she thinks she might lose you. We all hear horror stories in the news, too. If you can see it from her perspective, you might know better how to approach her. Good luck.

        Comment

          #5
          Thank you for taking the time to reply. I do understand that my mother is wanting me to stay and why. But she's even noted to me that she would move up there too because there is nothing really tying us down here anymore. (I don't have any "real" family.) I am currently searching for a job to save up and pay for college myself. I am willing to save every penny if that's what it takes. My mother is the type that has a temper sometimes, so I have to be careful when I bring stuff up.. Which at the moment shes more stressed out for some reason so shes not wanting to talk to me as much anymore. But as stated before, I am not going anywhere for the next two years, or if push comes to shove I could end up waiting longer than that. Again Id like to thank you for replying.
          "If the only place where I could see you was in my dreams, I'd sleep forever."

          "And as days go by, the memories remain.
          I'll wait for you
          As days go by, I swear I'll try.
          Until I die.
          I'll do anything for you."

          Comment

            #6
            Thank you for replying. I do understand what you are saying. Thinking of whether or not I'd attend his college if there was no him in the picture is a good question. Part of me says yes because it is an excellent school for nursing and business, but part of me says no because I'd be alone up there. As for money, I am currently searching for a job (hard now because holidays just passed) I will pay for college myself if I have to and also the financial aid wouldn't be a bad idea. Thank you for your time.
            "If the only place where I could see you was in my dreams, I'd sleep forever."

            "And as days go by, the memories remain.
            I'll wait for you
            As days go by, I swear I'll try.
            Until I die.
            I'll do anything for you."

            Comment

              #7
              I would just take it with a grain of salt. Your mother and her friends most likely say the things you don't want to hear because they are concerned for your best interest. I do agree that you should never uproot yourself solely for a guy. However, if that college offers something specific that you like (among some other things) then go for it. I would have a back-up plan just in case, though. What happens if the relationship falls through? Will you still be happy at that college? Does it offer you enough to make you want to stay even if that happens?

              I had a friend who moved for a guy she met online. Straight outta' high school and applied to the college he was going to. Left her friends, family, everyone for this guy. He ended up cheating on her with another girl he met online and dumped her a few months after she moved. Always have a plan B in case something falls through.

              Comment

                #8
                Yeah you are right, it's the stuff I don't want to hear not because I think I know better but because it's not changing my decisions :P They have never been in a LDR so therefore I am going to assume they have no experience with it, at all. Yes I will have a backup plan and it involves more money, lol.

                I am sorry about your friend though, people can be absolutely cruel. I cannot imagine the pain she dealt with.

                Thank you for your time replying. I appreciate it.
                "If the only place where I could see you was in my dreams, I'd sleep forever."

                "And as days go by, the memories remain.
                I'll wait for you
                As days go by, I swear I'll try.
                Until I die.
                I'll do anything for you."

                Comment

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